06-24-2018, 03:58 AM
Phantoms in the Vasty Deep? Check yes for a bad ass first post! Who the f*ck is this guy? and what is gonna happen next? This is exactly what you want from a first post.
Not much here, save for some general advancing of the plot, but hey it's done well and we've finally made the beach. Woot.
I like how last post she was like, "I'd hate to summon someone and cause them pain" and this post she was like, "Oh well, fuck you, you're just scrap metal anyway." Lols, dumb robot. We also got some real plot development as its revealed this is a kidnapping story. Oh snap. --Super cynical robot. BuzzKillington-O-Matic. Impromptu sex scene turns creepy. Yikes. A lot going on in here and it doesn't feel crammed at all. Kudos on that.
I felt for her when the house was burnt down and I appreciated the robot/news-clippings-obituary mechanic used here. Nicely done. Foreboding phone call and using a cast of characters. Check. Enter the captain! Love your description of him. That’s one thing I really appreciate about your work, you give vivid imagery. OMG, Captain McGee’s dialogue was the cherry on top of this post. Loved it!
Captain McGee adds a whimsical tone to this story that is super fun. I would have loved to taken Sasuke through this adventure!- Oh no, not Cap’ McGee! Man, I understand kill your darlings, but that came efast. I wasn't ready haha
Not much here, just one of those setting transitions posts ya gotta get through. I liked the military experience bit in the beginning though and whooooo scuba diving!
TENSION BUILDING POST. Nicely done. Here we go, action starts next post!
BEHEMOTH!!! Oh snap. Hype.
Well, this is interesting, I did not see this coming. Behemoth is a creepy villain and I enjoyed how he turned the tables here. Wait, now he’s bargaining for a summon? This badguys deep.
Words cut deep. I feel for Chirsta.
WOW! Not gonna lie, I fell for the dream fight. You got me.
This guy is such a creep. It’s no wonder this Npc won the award. I’m eager to see how he has been a ‘mentor’
The finale is tragic ad kicks you right in the feels, but overall, worth the read. I loved this story and would give it the highest marks!
Not much here, save for some general advancing of the plot, but hey it's done well and we've finally made the beach. Woot.
I like how last post she was like, "I'd hate to summon someone and cause them pain" and this post she was like, "Oh well, fuck you, you're just scrap metal anyway." Lols, dumb robot. We also got some real plot development as its revealed this is a kidnapping story. Oh snap. --Super cynical robot. BuzzKillington-O-Matic. Impromptu sex scene turns creepy. Yikes. A lot going on in here and it doesn't feel crammed at all. Kudos on that.
I felt for her when the house was burnt down and I appreciated the robot/news-clippings-obituary mechanic used here. Nicely done. Foreboding phone call and using a cast of characters. Check. Enter the captain! Love your description of him. That’s one thing I really appreciate about your work, you give vivid imagery. OMG, Captain McGee’s dialogue was the cherry on top of this post. Loved it!
Captain McGee adds a whimsical tone to this story that is super fun. I would have loved to taken Sasuke through this adventure!- Oh no, not Cap’ McGee! Man, I understand kill your darlings, but that came efast. I wasn't ready haha
Not much here, just one of those setting transitions posts ya gotta get through. I liked the military experience bit in the beginning though and whooooo scuba diving!
TENSION BUILDING POST. Nicely done. Here we go, action starts next post!
BEHEMOTH!!! Oh snap. Hype.
Well, this is interesting, I did not see this coming. Behemoth is a creepy villain and I enjoyed how he turned the tables here. Wait, now he’s bargaining for a summon? This badguys deep.
Words cut deep. I feel for Chirsta.
WOW! Not gonna lie, I fell for the dream fight. You got me.
This guy is such a creep. It’s no wonder this Npc won the award. I’m eager to see how he has been a ‘mentor’
The finale is tragic ad kicks you right in the feels, but overall, worth the read. I loved this story and would give it the highest marks!
Dante's Abyss 2015
GRAND CHAMPION
![[Image: Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png]](http://www.cytokineindustries.com/chevereto/images/2018/02/07/Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png)
Mark Twain Wrote:"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."