Grumble in the Jungle: McNinja Vs Grundy

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc was busy working on the cure when he heard a scream, a high-pitched sonic boom of sheer terror and pain. McNinja shuddered. He was not aware such a horrible sound could exist in a place called “Candy Town”. Then again, he was in the middle of fighting candy zombies. Frankly, anything could happen.

He peered out the window and searched for the source of the scream.

Apparently, he was also fighting Hulk zombies.

It appeared that Solomon Grundy had hopped right out of Doc’s old comic books into Candy Town, and was currently munching on the residents that McNinja was supposed to protect. Doc asked himself the existential question of how a comic book character could exist in real life, but he remembered that he was an Irish ninja physician who had once chatted with a drunk Mickey Mouse. Again, anything could happen. And this zombie was eating his patients.

“Hey!” Doc hollered from the candy tower. Grundy paused to gaze at the source.

“I’d really appreciate it if you stopped doing that!” Doc continued, “I’m sorta supposed to be protecting these guys, them being my patients and stuff, so if you’d just… you know… stop? That’d be great!”

Grundy paused for another moment, then paused to contemplate the squirming, half-digested undead cupcake in his mouth. Then, glaring knowingly at Dr. McNinja, he swallowed the cupcake in one gulp.

This irked the good doctor.

“Man, it’s always zombies,” Doc whined quietly as he propelled himself through the window. As he fell, he latched his grappling hook onto the tower to swing himself around, landing softly on a sidewalk lined with Hershey’s chocolate bricks. Grundy was maybe four feet in front of him.

“I’m serious, man,” Doc scowled, “You need to stop now.”

Grundy ignored him completely as he lunged for a family of hard candies.

“Alright, fine!” Doc grumbled, “You want Jawbreakers? Here you go!”

Dr. McNinja rolled forward, repositioning himself in front of the candy family. He jumped up, unleashing a spin kick across Grundy’s cheek.

Solomon reeled back. As Doc watched him, it became clear that the kick did actually very little jaw-breaking, and the reeling was less of pain and more of momentum.

Doc smiled weakly. “Oooor I could help you out with something. You know, I know an excellent dermatologist-”

“RRRARGHH GRUNDY MAD”

Grundy threw a punch at Doc. Doc deftly jumped up, hopping onto Grundy’s forearm, then leaping up.

“Okay okay I’m sorry no mentioning the skin problems-”

“RRAGGGH”

Grundy smashed his other fist into Doc’s shoulder, knocking him into a nearby candy cane lamppost. He rose and brushed off his labcoat.

“I’d also appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that either.”

Grundy roared again and started charging at the doctor. Doc whipped out his katana and, lowering his center of gravity, jammed the sharp blade into the monster’s torso, feet aligned to receive the force of the tackle. But the tackle was too strong, and Doc was knocked off his feet, hitting his head on the sidewalk. Solomon looked more or less unphased by the blade in his chest.

Doc shook off the pain and thought about his strategy. Solomon Grundy was strong enough to fight Superman in the comics. There was no way he could overpower him that way. But he could tell he was faster. He’d have to dodge carefully, using projectiles to hit him from a distance.

Luckily, he had a lot of those.

Doc threw his grappling hook at Grundy’s shoulder. Grundy tried to dodge, but the hook landed its target. Doc tugged on it, shaking Solomon’s balance for one moment, but that was all he needed. He tossed two throwing stars at Grundy’s eyes, and slashed at his stomach once for good measure. Solomon retorted by punching him back again.

“Ouchy,” Doc spat, “Okay, that’s enough.”

He hopped to dodge another savage attack, shouting into his Communicator, “Uh, Drac from my world, if you’re even there, I need you to target your moon laser at this exact location!”