04-10-2016, 06:55 PM
I believe I can answer both of those questions with the same line of thinking.
First of all, there are more ways to deal with anger and frustration than just Suppress or Vent. The most important thing to analyze is why you're getting mad in the first place. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything; your feelings are what they are, and you have to figure out what it is in YOU that brings out that anger.
This leads in to why being nice and accomodating all of the time can hurt you. You can't MAKE people feel happy; trying to do so is a vain effort and also pretty patronizing. People can look out for their own feelings, and it's not your place to try and MAKE them feel differently just because...YOU want them to?
Anyway. I'm hazarding a guess that in an effort to try and keep people happy, you often refrain from voicing your own opinions or feelings for fear that you might upset someone. As a result, you are forced to suffer in silence rather than express yourself in a calm, controlled manner until you explode.
Taking the time and having the patience to thoroughly and responsibly explain your own emotions when you feel irritated is a skill, and therefore takes time and practice. In order to move away from the behavior of accommodation, however, you need to develop both this skill as well as the confidence that your own opinion and feelings are important.
Unless someone is your child, they are not your responsibility. When you're not concerned with trying to coddle other people's feelings, its easier to pay more attention to your own needs. In that regard, I guess I have two pieces of bad/liberating news: Other peole don't need you to make them happy/You're going to irritate other people no matter what you do.
This doesn't give you carte blanche to go around being a selfish prick, obviously, but it's fine to feel less guilty about making your own needs important, even if it means expressing controlled anger that someone might feel upset about.
First of all, there are more ways to deal with anger and frustration than just Suppress or Vent. The most important thing to analyze is why you're getting mad in the first place. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything; your feelings are what they are, and you have to figure out what it is in YOU that brings out that anger.
This leads in to why being nice and accomodating all of the time can hurt you. You can't MAKE people feel happy; trying to do so is a vain effort and also pretty patronizing. People can look out for their own feelings, and it's not your place to try and MAKE them feel differently just because...YOU want them to?
Anyway. I'm hazarding a guess that in an effort to try and keep people happy, you often refrain from voicing your own opinions or feelings for fear that you might upset someone. As a result, you are forced to suffer in silence rather than express yourself in a calm, controlled manner until you explode.
Taking the time and having the patience to thoroughly and responsibly explain your own emotions when you feel irritated is a skill, and therefore takes time and practice. In order to move away from the behavior of accommodation, however, you need to develop both this skill as well as the confidence that your own opinion and feelings are important.
Unless someone is your child, they are not your responsibility. When you're not concerned with trying to coddle other people's feelings, its easier to pay more attention to your own needs. In that regard, I guess I have two pieces of bad/liberating news: Other peole don't need you to make them happy/You're going to irritate other people no matter what you do.
This doesn't give you carte blanche to go around being a selfish prick, obviously, but it's fine to feel less guilty about making your own needs important, even if it means expressing controlled anger that someone might feel upset about.
And, we dream of home I dream of life out of here Their dreams are small My dreams don't know fear I got my heart full of hope I will change everything No matter what I'm told How impossible it seems We did it before And we'll do it again We're indestructible Even when we're tired And we've been here before Just you and I
Don't try to rescue me I don't need to be rescued
Don't try to rescue me I don't need to be rescued