All-Points Bulletin: Victim of Betrayal seeks Justice

[Illidan Stormrage]

Oh Mr. Smith, your humble tale of woe has touched my heart! As I write this, I fight back the tears that would dare fog up the screen on which I type. Such cowardice and betrayal can only be the work of the highest form of evil! Thus I say to you that I, Earthworm Jim, stalwart protector of justice and all things cute and squishy, shall stand by your side as an ally, so that we may smite this nefarious entourage together! By the Great Worm Spirit, whose juicy body makes all fish in existence drool without end, we shall be victorious!

P.S. Know of any good burger joints around here? Everything is really white and I'm getting hungry. Even a vending machine would do.