McNinja Doesn't Steal Panties

[Dr. McNinja]

"I think I should be running."

Dr. McNinja ducked again as another ninja patrol swept by. These ninja seemed to be the same "What did I do? Is this for the panties? I never stole those panties. That wasn't me."

Unfortunately, our friendly velociraptor Yoshi, who was having much more difficulty than Dr. McNinja to hide in the brush, was unable to speak English. She was, after all, merely a humble velociraptor, lacking the tools for human speech.

If Yoshi could speak English, she would have told the good doctor that, no, Dr. McNinja was probably wanted not for allegedly stealing panties, but for definitely murdering a pair of ninja scouts who, frankly, just wanted to slightly maim him.

All Yoshi could get out was "Scrawww".

Dr. McNinja shrugged. "You're right, it was probably the panties thing. I mean, honestly! Doesn’t even sound like me!"

“Scraww" *

* "That's not what I said at all. It was the murder. It was definitely the ninja murder."

"I know!" Dr. McNinja scoffed, "McNinjas don't steal panties!"

“Scrawwwww" **

** "WHY ARE YOU SO FIXATED ABOUT THE PANTIES"

"That's just creepy, you know- STEALTH"

Dr. McNinja ducked again under the leaves of the brush. Yoshi tried to shove her head under a different brush, but alas, a velociraptor has many more limits than verbal communication. Her scramble to get under cover brought the attention of the second wave of ninja scouts.

“Hey, I see something over there!”

Dr. McNinja grimaced and glared at Yoshi as at least thirteen ninja warriors dropped onto him out of nowhere.

“NOT”

Doc punched one in the chin, kicking another into another.

“CLEVER”

Doc deflected two more shuriken with his katana, parrying two other blades, then leapt into the air. He managed to grip onto the bark of a tree as he sprinted up the trunk. He hopped from the branch, let his coat flutter for a bit. Sometimes, it was so freaking cool to be a ninja. He reached into his pocket and found the flashbang he seemed to keep using. Twirling as he seemed to hang in mid-air, Dr. McNinja flung the stun grenade towards the center of the ambush. Like good ninjas, the assassins were already pursuing him. One of them, presumably under the assumption that the projectile was a shuriken, swung at it with his own katana. Big mistake.

As the blade hit the grenade, Doc covered his eyes with the hem of his coat. The blast seemed to knock out quite a few of them while they were jumping. This was unfortunate. They would not be able to land at this height.

Doc grimaced. “I think Hippocrates would have something to say about this.”

Dr. McNinja used Grappling Hook!

He let his grappling hook loose and latched onto a nearby branch. He dove down, arms outstretched. There were three that were too high up to survive a stunned fall. He grabbed the first and tossed him through a tree. Nothing fatal, possibly a few things broken, in his professional opinion. Oh and quite a bit of splinters, he imagined.

Doc barely caught the second with his free hand. His left hand was still clutching onto the grapple for dear life, but to McNinja’s dismay, the third ninja was still falling. Cursing, Doc yanked the hook free and launched it at the third ninja. It clearly landed, given the horrified yelp from the falling warrior.

Doc twisted his body, swinging the hooked ninja upwards, hopefully landing him onto somewhere helpful. The one in his hand, Doc gave the old throw-through-a-tree treatment.

But now he was falling very, very fast, and he just noticed that his grappling hook was still pretty high up.

“No idea how I’m getting out of this one."