02-08-2016, 05:51 PM
Each of these questions is worth an essay, but I'll try to summarize.
1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?
There is a lot...A LOT...of unseen interactions in romantic relationships. People who don't live in that couple's house have no idea what kind of stuff happens when they aren't being observed by the world. People have a habit of complaining about the bad in their lives, and only rarely talk about the good (ironically because there's usually a fear it will be interpreted as boasting.)
For friends and family who only ever hear the woe and tears in a relationship might genuinely believe that their friend is in an abusive or toxic pairing, and their heart is in the right place, no one should presume to have all the ins and outs of a given relationship. People fall in love for a reason; those reasons don't just disappear when stress and resentment start piling up.
In short, it may seem odd and look like a bad relationship, but don't be so quick to judge. You don't know everything.
2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?
In my opinion, the world of screens and indirect communication is the real world now. People who refuse to get connected, to shun the information super highway, they are the ones who are considered out of touch.
The more important thing is to avoid getting distracted by entertainment and the internet. It's a great resource, but it's also full of a lot of useless, ignorant vitriole disguised as podcasts and blogs. It's important to not just absorb the world through their eyeballs. Endless consumption leads to a dull mind. It is important to create and grow, and that requires us to challenge ourselves.
3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.
Fear. People are afraid that their honest opinions will damage their friendships and romances. When these issues remained unexpressed, resentment builds as the issues persist. Resentment breeds contempt, and contempt breeds gossip mongering and passive cruelty.
The way to cure this is to learn how to express your issues with someone in a assertive but non-critical method. People are more receptive to hearing about their faults than most realize, but it needs to be expressed in way that doesn't bruise the ego. It's not easy.
4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?
This is a difficult question to answer, because 'nice' is relative and altogether nebulous. Compassion, which us unconditional concern and care for something, can never be too much. What you have to examine is why you choose to be nice to people.
Do you do it to make yourself feel good?
Do you do it so people are indebted to you?
Do you do it because you assume people need your care?
Generosity and friendliness are good virtues, but it is crucial to understand what is actually happening. In addition, you need to have compassion for yourself. No one expects you to hurt yourself for their benefit, at least no one who is an actual friend.
5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?
Familiarity breeds contempt. This is why wives and husbands fight more than any other people on earth. It's because they are so intimately familiar with each other that they're able to see the hidden motives and bad habits that underpin actions that would otherwise seem benign. People who not only interact regularly, but are also required to interact even when they don't want to, can swiftly learn to find reasons to dislike one another.
This doesn't mean that romantic relationships are inherently flawed. Good friendships and romances take :effort: . Serious :effort: . And sometimes it's more :effort: than people are willing to commit to. The second we are required to make ourselves vulnerable, is the same instant a relationship can begin to crumble. It is these moments of stress and turmoil that define the depth of a relationship, not the laughter and enjoyment.
If, however, you're talking about humanity at large, the answer is more simple; tribalism. Humans are programmed to organize themselved in discreet groups, and the uniting factor can be nation, creed, sports team, or favorite condiment. It gives humans the sense of camaraderie and belonging that is crucial to the functioning of a healthy psyche.
As a side effect, however, people who are outside of these tribes are the aliens. They are anathemas who are inherently wrong. This doesn't mean that either side in a conflict is categorically right or wrong, but to those on either side, the stakes are a threat to their very way of life, because if another tribe says that your tribe is wrong, that means that you yourself are flawed...and that's really all it takes for peole to start killing eachother.
1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?
There is a lot...A LOT...of unseen interactions in romantic relationships. People who don't live in that couple's house have no idea what kind of stuff happens when they aren't being observed by the world. People have a habit of complaining about the bad in their lives, and only rarely talk about the good (ironically because there's usually a fear it will be interpreted as boasting.)
For friends and family who only ever hear the woe and tears in a relationship might genuinely believe that their friend is in an abusive or toxic pairing, and their heart is in the right place, no one should presume to have all the ins and outs of a given relationship. People fall in love for a reason; those reasons don't just disappear when stress and resentment start piling up.
In short, it may seem odd and look like a bad relationship, but don't be so quick to judge. You don't know everything.
2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?
In my opinion, the world of screens and indirect communication is the real world now. People who refuse to get connected, to shun the information super highway, they are the ones who are considered out of touch.
The more important thing is to avoid getting distracted by entertainment and the internet. It's a great resource, but it's also full of a lot of useless, ignorant vitriole disguised as podcasts and blogs. It's important to not just absorb the world through their eyeballs. Endless consumption leads to a dull mind. It is important to create and grow, and that requires us to challenge ourselves.
3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.
Fear. People are afraid that their honest opinions will damage their friendships and romances. When these issues remained unexpressed, resentment builds as the issues persist. Resentment breeds contempt, and contempt breeds gossip mongering and passive cruelty.
The way to cure this is to learn how to express your issues with someone in a assertive but non-critical method. People are more receptive to hearing about their faults than most realize, but it needs to be expressed in way that doesn't bruise the ego. It's not easy.
4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?
This is a difficult question to answer, because 'nice' is relative and altogether nebulous. Compassion, which us unconditional concern and care for something, can never be too much. What you have to examine is why you choose to be nice to people.
Do you do it to make yourself feel good?
Do you do it so people are indebted to you?
Do you do it because you assume people need your care?
Generosity and friendliness are good virtues, but it is crucial to understand what is actually happening. In addition, you need to have compassion for yourself. No one expects you to hurt yourself for their benefit, at least no one who is an actual friend.
5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?
Familiarity breeds contempt. This is why wives and husbands fight more than any other people on earth. It's because they are so intimately familiar with each other that they're able to see the hidden motives and bad habits that underpin actions that would otherwise seem benign. People who not only interact regularly, but are also required to interact even when they don't want to, can swiftly learn to find reasons to dislike one another.
This doesn't mean that romantic relationships are inherently flawed. Good friendships and romances take :effort: . Serious :effort: . And sometimes it's more :effort: than people are willing to commit to. The second we are required to make ourselves vulnerable, is the same instant a relationship can begin to crumble. It is these moments of stress and turmoil that define the depth of a relationship, not the laughter and enjoyment.
If, however, you're talking about humanity at large, the answer is more simple; tribalism. Humans are programmed to organize themselved in discreet groups, and the uniting factor can be nation, creed, sports team, or favorite condiment. It gives humans the sense of camaraderie and belonging that is crucial to the functioning of a healthy psyche.
As a side effect, however, people who are outside of these tribes are the aliens. They are anathemas who are inherently wrong. This doesn't mean that either side in a conflict is categorically right or wrong, but to those on either side, the stakes are a threat to their very way of life, because if another tribe says that your tribe is wrong, that means that you yourself are flawed...and that's really all it takes for peole to start killing eachother.
C O L D