02-05-2016, 10:36 PM
I like all of your insane ramblings very much, words can't even describe it. Okay, they can, but still! You've got some quality stuff, like.... it's just really nice to read. Sophisticated without launching into some huge string of words, although I think you could stand to flesh some things out a little in your descriptions. You have neither too much or too little imagery. Your writing is balanced in this happy medium that isn't overwhelming or too underwhelming, but maybe an extra sentence or two to describe the scenery with strong tone words would give it a little kick.
Hmmmm.... you have a real economy of language going on. Your paragraphs range from short to medium-sized, normally, with your large sentences made up of maybe three, possibly four sentences maximum. That isn't bad, I think you're right where you need to be in that area, but it wouldn't be bad to see a paragraph reach down four or five(rarely) lines on a page every once in a while! That's a healthy, full paragraph in my opinion, and it gives you room to develop the story part of your posts.
I'm not going to rattle on about adjective overuse or anything, because I'm way guilty of that myself. I think you've improved marvelously in that department, though, especially in the Expedition's Nexus thread. As for repetition, I do not find myself getting a sense of déjà vu anywhere and I certainly haven't stopped in reading to think, "Gee, he used that word twice!" so I think you're golden. Nice!
The cadence of your writing is very even and level-headed, but I think with a few more sentences of description scattered here and there, maybe indirectly presented as personal observations made by your character (EX. "There were tangy orange dewdrops on the flower, blahblah blah[blahs optional]"), you can really evoke a certain mood or feeling in it that adds flavor.
Anyways, there you go, Tartaros. You can contact me over Skype or PM if you would like my thoughts on a particular post!
Hmmmm.... you have a real economy of language going on. Your paragraphs range from short to medium-sized, normally, with your large sentences made up of maybe three, possibly four sentences maximum. That isn't bad, I think you're right where you need to be in that area, but it wouldn't be bad to see a paragraph reach down four or five(rarely) lines on a page every once in a while! That's a healthy, full paragraph in my opinion, and it gives you room to develop the story part of your posts.
I'm not going to rattle on about adjective overuse or anything, because I'm way guilty of that myself. I think you've improved marvelously in that department, though, especially in the Expedition's Nexus thread. As for repetition, I do not find myself getting a sense of déjà vu anywhere and I certainly haven't stopped in reading to think, "Gee, he used that word twice!" so I think you're golden. Nice!
The cadence of your writing is very even and level-headed, but I think with a few more sentences of description scattered here and there, maybe indirectly presented as personal observations made by your character (EX. "There were tangy orange dewdrops on the flower, blahblah blah[blahs optional]"), you can really evoke a certain mood or feeling in it that adds flavor.
Anyways, there you go, Tartaros. You can contact me over Skype or PM if you would like my thoughts on a particular post!
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Gamzee Makara Wrote:S’aight. After all, dogs have a tendency to motherfuckin’ bite.