01-30-2016, 12:41 AM
Like lava flows, get it? Eh, fuck.
So that definitely had gone better than Drake had been expecting. There had been significant concern that the Koopa King was just going to toss the four of them out on their collective ass, but instead, they just got a gigantic shrug and 'impress me'. So yeah, Drake was pretty sure he could manage that, even with these three other military trained demi-gods slowing him down. Ohhhhh fuck. He was gonna die.
As the troupe of adventurers sauntered forth from Bowser's court, Drake was the first to speak up.
"So, I don't known about you guys but I'm famished. How'd about whipping up some Omnilicious-whooaa..." Drake said, rapidly getting cut off as Miranda started to take on a brilliant, white shine. Ohh shit! MIRANDA WAS EVOLVING! WHAT?!
NO. OH GOD SHE JUST EXPLODED.
Drake's eyes went completely wide, and then he immediatelt started harshing on himself for not making a pass at the swarthy fist goddess sooner, and THEN he started really beating himself up because you seriously gonna think about missed rende-boobs when that chick just totes died?? Jesus. The smuggler turned around and gawked at the other two Primes, expecting some sort of answer, but they too seemed just as confused.
And then Colonel phased through the floor, soooooo that was a thing. Yep. Drake held his hand out to the side, as if balancing on the edge of a cliff.
"Don't...Move..." Drake said, keeping his eyes fixed on a particularly nice looking brick. I mean, bricks weren't inherently nice, but as far as bricks went, Drake preferred it over others he'd seen. It was just a little irregular, and its surface seemed like it might be nice to rub his face against. This...wasn't something Drake went around doing all the time, mind you, but if he HAD been the kind of person to do that, he had hit the jackpot.
And then, like, reality came back and Drake glanced into Zack's freaky shark eyes (he has those, right?). There really weren't any words to be said except.
"Maybe we should..." Drake started, offering a sentiment that Zack was only too willing to finish.
"...get out of here."
"...Yeah."
And so the two of them hoofed it like a pair of kangaroos hopped up on brown-brown gatorade smoothies, getting about one hundred yards down the hallway and successfully avoiding getting turned to paste by some giant, angry-ass spike bricks chilling up on the ceiling. It was at this point that the two of them found themselves at the castle's armory. They knew this, because there was a giant sign hanging over the door that said 'ARMERY'. I mean. Clearly literacy isn't a priority when living on a volcano planet, but you'd think there'd be higher signage standards when it came to a royal castle. Oh whatever.
A lone, red shelled koopa was standing guard outside the heavy iron door, his gaze facing straight ahead. After catching their breath, Zack and Drake approached, only to have the turtle hold up his adorable little marshmallow hand and say 'halt'.
"Well, actually, now that we're here...would you mind if we took a look around? Bowser gave us a mission, and we could use some help, seeing as two of our friends just...disappeared." Zack said, rubbing the back of his mullet with a sweaty gloved hand. The terrapin seemed like he was about to offer a counter argument, but Drake slowly walked towards the sentinel with a soft look in his eyes.
"S-stay back! Stay back or I'll..."
"Shhh..." the Smuggler said, crouching down and placing a gentle hand on the Koopa's face. His little beak mouth hung open like it had a loose hinge.
"I don't understand what's happen-"
"Shhhhhhhh. Shhh...shhh..." Drake said, looking deep into the Koopa's absurd double eyes. He gently shook his head and brought his mouth close to the turtle's hypothetical ear.
"Hey. Hey bud. Listen."
"Wh-wha? Uh..."
"Listen. Hey, hey, listen. Listen. Do you..." Drake said, his voice trailing off. The Koopa gulped nervously, too stunned to move.
"Do...I..."
"Shh...Do you...like bricks?"
"What the fluff are you talking abo-"
"Shhhhh. There is a brick...near the throne room. It is the greatest brick I have ever seen."
"I don't..."
"You'll know the brick when you see it. You will feel compelled to rub your face on it. Go. Go on man. Go. Go check it out." Drake said, releasing the Koopa from his tender embrace. The turtle guard edged away ever so slightly towards the main hall, keeping his eyes plastered on Drake's serene face. The smuggler made a shooing motion with his hands and mouthed the words 'go on', offering the little fella a bright grin. Shaking, the Koopa slowly walked away, a look of abject horror on his face.
Zack's expression was not much different.
"What did you say to him?" the ex-SOLDIER asked, approaching the door which Drake was currently picking the lock on.
"Nothing. His name is Steve, okay?"
"...okay..."
Half an hour later, Zack and Drake were floating out of Bowser's Palace in this weird, round clown pod that hovered. It also had this creepy ass clown face on the front, so Drake had found a bucket of tar and painted some sunglasses on it. He also painted 'BIG B'S BITCHES' on the rear side. Zack had protested to this at first, but the clown car balloon...thing...was actually faster and more comfortable than Miranda's beat-ass pickup. Not only that, but they both had scored some sweet gear to fight with.
Of course, as they left the palace grounds, other Koopa guards had questions. Who told them they could take that stuff? Where were they taking it? How did they get it? Drake was more than ready for these answers, with such gems as 'Steve said we could', or 'Ask Steve'. All in all, things were looking up for Zack and Drake.
Now they just had to go bait and kill some dragon riders, nbd.
So that definitely had gone better than Drake had been expecting. There had been significant concern that the Koopa King was just going to toss the four of them out on their collective ass, but instead, they just got a gigantic shrug and 'impress me'. So yeah, Drake was pretty sure he could manage that, even with these three other military trained demi-gods slowing him down. Ohhhhh fuck. He was gonna die.
As the troupe of adventurers sauntered forth from Bowser's court, Drake was the first to speak up.
"So, I don't known about you guys but I'm famished. How'd about whipping up some Omnilicious-whooaa..." Drake said, rapidly getting cut off as Miranda started to take on a brilliant, white shine. Ohh shit! MIRANDA WAS EVOLVING! WHAT?!
NO. OH GOD SHE JUST EXPLODED.
Drake's eyes went completely wide, and then he immediatelt started harshing on himself for not making a pass at the swarthy fist goddess sooner, and THEN he started really beating himself up because you seriously gonna think about missed rende-boobs when that chick just totes died?? Jesus. The smuggler turned around and gawked at the other two Primes, expecting some sort of answer, but they too seemed just as confused.
And then Colonel phased through the floor, soooooo that was a thing. Yep. Drake held his hand out to the side, as if balancing on the edge of a cliff.
"Don't...Move..." Drake said, keeping his eyes fixed on a particularly nice looking brick. I mean, bricks weren't inherently nice, but as far as bricks went, Drake preferred it over others he'd seen. It was just a little irregular, and its surface seemed like it might be nice to rub his face against. This...wasn't something Drake went around doing all the time, mind you, but if he HAD been the kind of person to do that, he had hit the jackpot.
And then, like, reality came back and Drake glanced into Zack's freaky shark eyes (he has those, right?). There really weren't any words to be said except.
"Maybe we should..." Drake started, offering a sentiment that Zack was only too willing to finish.
"...get out of here."
"...Yeah."
And so the two of them hoofed it like a pair of kangaroos hopped up on brown-brown gatorade smoothies, getting about one hundred yards down the hallway and successfully avoiding getting turned to paste by some giant, angry-ass spike bricks chilling up on the ceiling. It was at this point that the two of them found themselves at the castle's armory. They knew this, because there was a giant sign hanging over the door that said 'ARMERY'. I mean. Clearly literacy isn't a priority when living on a volcano planet, but you'd think there'd be higher signage standards when it came to a royal castle. Oh whatever.
A lone, red shelled koopa was standing guard outside the heavy iron door, his gaze facing straight ahead. After catching their breath, Zack and Drake approached, only to have the turtle hold up his adorable little marshmallow hand and say 'halt'.
"Well, actually, now that we're here...would you mind if we took a look around? Bowser gave us a mission, and we could use some help, seeing as two of our friends just...disappeared." Zack said, rubbing the back of his mullet with a sweaty gloved hand. The terrapin seemed like he was about to offer a counter argument, but Drake slowly walked towards the sentinel with a soft look in his eyes.
"S-stay back! Stay back or I'll..."
"Shhh..." the Smuggler said, crouching down and placing a gentle hand on the Koopa's face. His little beak mouth hung open like it had a loose hinge.
"I don't understand what's happen-"
"Shhhhhhhh. Shhh...shhh..." Drake said, looking deep into the Koopa's absurd double eyes. He gently shook his head and brought his mouth close to the turtle's hypothetical ear.
"Hey. Hey bud. Listen."
"Wh-wha? Uh..."
"Listen. Hey, hey, listen. Listen. Do you..." Drake said, his voice trailing off. The Koopa gulped nervously, too stunned to move.
"Do...I..."
"Shh...Do you...like bricks?"
"What the fluff are you talking abo-"
"Shhhhh. There is a brick...near the throne room. It is the greatest brick I have ever seen."
"I don't..."
"You'll know the brick when you see it. You will feel compelled to rub your face on it. Go. Go on man. Go. Go check it out." Drake said, releasing the Koopa from his tender embrace. The turtle guard edged away ever so slightly towards the main hall, keeping his eyes plastered on Drake's serene face. The smuggler made a shooing motion with his hands and mouthed the words 'go on', offering the little fella a bright grin. Shaking, the Koopa slowly walked away, a look of abject horror on his face.
Zack's expression was not much different.
"What did you say to him?" the ex-SOLDIER asked, approaching the door which Drake was currently picking the lock on.
"Nothing. His name is Steve, okay?"
"...okay..."
Half an hour later, Zack and Drake were floating out of Bowser's Palace in this weird, round clown pod that hovered. It also had this creepy ass clown face on the front, so Drake had found a bucket of tar and painted some sunglasses on it. He also painted 'BIG B'S BITCHES' on the rear side. Zack had protested to this at first, but the clown car balloon...thing...was actually faster and more comfortable than Miranda's beat-ass pickup. Not only that, but they both had scored some sweet gear to fight with.
Of course, as they left the palace grounds, other Koopa guards had questions. Who told them they could take that stuff? Where were they taking it? How did they get it? Drake was more than ready for these answers, with such gems as 'Steve said we could', or 'Ask Steve'. All in all, things were looking up for Zack and Drake.
Now they just had to go bait and kill some dragon riders, nbd.
And, we dream of home I dream of life out of here Their dreams are small My dreams don't know fear I got my heart full of hope I will change everything No matter what I'm told How impossible it seems We did it before And we'll do it again We're indestructible Even when we're tired And we've been here before Just you and I
Don't try to rescue me I don't need to be rescued
Don't try to rescue me I don't need to be rescued