03-14-2016, 09:52 PM
The darkness behind my eyes grew placid still, as if nothing would bring my sight back to life. Ripples of swaying color were nonexistent as I continued my stroll throughout the rich and vibrant land. I didn’t mean to whine, but I was still adjusting to the dark. Unfortunately for me, it was the same darkness that clouded my judgement. In fact, it clouded my entire world with potent, formidable fear.
Everything began to dawn on me, except of course, the light. I would never see my favorite color again, though I would always remember it. I would never squint at too much brightness, but I would still feel the warmth of its light on my skin. I would never see my family’s faces, if even, get to hear their voices again. It was hard. And I could feel the angst welling up underneath my skin. Ripping apart my insides, begging to tear off this mask I called my face, and let loose all the chaos storming within.
I paused on my road, and went to where I could hear the rustle of the trees in the wind. I moved my hands around to find it’s bark, and finally I balled my hand into a sturdy fist. I felt all the anger within me grow like a thrashing fire. Like lightning, my fist lurched out and struck the tree. Immediately I felt the pain roar in my nerves as it thrilled through my entire body.
Again.
My hand collided into the tree with all the force I could muster. Again I shook its branches with the power of my pain. Again, everything in my heart begged for me to be strong, and all I could do, was hit this friggin tree.
The blindness was overwhelming. Unstoppable. And most of all, I was helpless as I waded in its dark, eternal pool For the rest of my life, I would be shrouded in this cave, while others lived in the beautiful meadows that she could only smell by the taste of the breeze. Anger bristled again in my body, and once more I thrust my fist outward and into the harsh force of the tree.
Again. and Again, and Again. my fists met the hardwood with increasing flames of anguish. On the tip of my tongue I felt the words of every curse word I knew form. Anything I could think of to damn it all to hell. Anything... to free myself from this torturous condemnation. Any expression of pleasure or disgust to rid me of my pain, any at all, so that I could get all the emotion out and just finally feel numb. Because if I held it in any longer. I was sure, that I would break.
My fists grew raw as the skin was scraped and wore down through the flesh and into the bone. Finally the pounding stopped, and I took a step closer to the tree, as my hand extended to feel the impact I had made. My fingertips, smeared with warm oozy blood and shaking with adrenaline, found themselves caressing the missing blotches of bark and wood. The little indents that I had caused to this grand and marvelous tree, that surely went on for stories above me.
I finally took in a breath, and it all crashed upon me. The weight of my sorrow bore down into my shoulders, and then buckled my knees. I fell forward, into the tree, and lost my grip with reality. While my knuckles burned like acid, the gnawing burn dug deeper into my flesh, and the razor edge splinters stuck in like needles.
Sorrow surged with every beat of my heart, as though it was pumping through my body with my blood. I could hear it loudly as it roared in my ears with the sweet sobbing that gave way into a familiar cry. Raw fists dripped into the blades of grass below, and my world was spinning. I had no sense of direction, there was no sky or ground, up or down, I simply heard the thud as my numbed body crashed to the ground.
My emotions heavy, my tears, pouring still, and the ache of my heart was unable to be filled. Just when I thought it was over, that my shuddering, deprived lungs were ready to take their last sip of air, she heard a voice from above speak, “Who goes there?”
Everything began to dawn on me, except of course, the light. I would never see my favorite color again, though I would always remember it. I would never squint at too much brightness, but I would still feel the warmth of its light on my skin. I would never see my family’s faces, if even, get to hear their voices again. It was hard. And I could feel the angst welling up underneath my skin. Ripping apart my insides, begging to tear off this mask I called my face, and let loose all the chaos storming within.
I paused on my road, and went to where I could hear the rustle of the trees in the wind. I moved my hands around to find it’s bark, and finally I balled my hand into a sturdy fist. I felt all the anger within me grow like a thrashing fire. Like lightning, my fist lurched out and struck the tree. Immediately I felt the pain roar in my nerves as it thrilled through my entire body.
Again.
My hand collided into the tree with all the force I could muster. Again I shook its branches with the power of my pain. Again, everything in my heart begged for me to be strong, and all I could do, was hit this friggin tree.
The blindness was overwhelming. Unstoppable. And most of all, I was helpless as I waded in its dark, eternal pool For the rest of my life, I would be shrouded in this cave, while others lived in the beautiful meadows that she could only smell by the taste of the breeze. Anger bristled again in my body, and once more I thrust my fist outward and into the harsh force of the tree.
Again. and Again, and Again. my fists met the hardwood with increasing flames of anguish. On the tip of my tongue I felt the words of every curse word I knew form. Anything I could think of to damn it all to hell. Anything... to free myself from this torturous condemnation. Any expression of pleasure or disgust to rid me of my pain, any at all, so that I could get all the emotion out and just finally feel numb. Because if I held it in any longer. I was sure, that I would break.
My fists grew raw as the skin was scraped and wore down through the flesh and into the bone. Finally the pounding stopped, and I took a step closer to the tree, as my hand extended to feel the impact I had made. My fingertips, smeared with warm oozy blood and shaking with adrenaline, found themselves caressing the missing blotches of bark and wood. The little indents that I had caused to this grand and marvelous tree, that surely went on for stories above me.
I finally took in a breath, and it all crashed upon me. The weight of my sorrow bore down into my shoulders, and then buckled my knees. I fell forward, into the tree, and lost my grip with reality. While my knuckles burned like acid, the gnawing burn dug deeper into my flesh, and the razor edge splinters stuck in like needles.
Sorrow surged with every beat of my heart, as though it was pumping through my body with my blood. I could hear it loudly as it roared in my ears with the sweet sobbing that gave way into a familiar cry. Raw fists dripped into the blades of grass below, and my world was spinning. I had no sense of direction, there was no sky or ground, up or down, I simply heard the thud as my numbed body crashed to the ground.
My emotions heavy, my tears, pouring still, and the ache of my heart was unable to be filled. Just when I thought it was over, that my shuddering, deprived lungs were ready to take their last sip of air, she heard a voice from above speak, “Who goes there?”