Bash me or not bash me (C&C)

[Dave Strider]

Alright, time for some BASHING!

Just kidding,I'll be nice.

First of all, you have really great descriptions, really vividly describing the surrounding and actions of each character. Here are a few examples that really stood out to me:

Koal Lynch breathed in through his nose, smelling the lovely fall air as it passed through the trees. The sunset had just passed over the horizon, basking the area around him in a brisk twilight. The wind created beautiful whistles as it traversed the forest, with the clapping of his horse's hooves against the dirt path providing a tranquil beat to his journey. He felt like leaning forward, placing his cheek against the horse's crisp mane, and closing his eyes. Just so he could enjoy the peace while it lasted.

Ballad hardly had any time to reflect on his nightmare before his ears rang with the sound of an approaching beast. He peered at the entryway he had created the day beforehand; his bisque eyes shining like the moon as they caught the sight of a tall man riding on horseback. Whoever he was, he wasn't the one he was looking for.

As he continued talking, Ballad slowly felt his chest cave into his body as the man talked about offering to share stories. He diverted his eyes away from the man, inconspicuously looking down towards the earth before quickly adjusting them to look back at the man. The glow in his eyes seemed to grow less intense, as if something had flipped a switch and dimmed their lights. Before the man could comment, however, Ballad made clear what he thought of the deal.

Really solid detail and attention. HOWEVER( yeahhhh, here comes some bashing :twisted: ), you tend to reiterate often and add in previously stated details. Cutting out those unnecessary words can be extra helpful during a fight, where every one counts.

For example:

Confusion raced through the inner workings of his brain as he stared at the man, who was just about to climb up. He had taken off of his jacket, revealing a black shirt that matched perfectly with the shadows of the night. The wind had finally stopped blowing, allowing an eerie quiet to sap the landscape as the man started climbing up the tree. Ballad couldn't help but notice how the man seemed to expertly slither up the bark of the tree, especially on tree limbs that even Ballad had a hard time keeping steady on. Ballad seemed to nod in an appreciative manner before promptly shaking his head, as if to knock the view out of his mind.

Again, great detail. However, a few things, tree seemed to be said a lot. Once you have established that the setting is a tree, subjects such as bark, or limbs(though perhaps wooden would be a better substitute yo avoid confusion). One other thing that I should mention is that you tend to only call Ballad, well Ballad. Mix it up a bit, call him the gunsmith, the green sharpshooter, etc. With this in mind, it can be rewritten like so:

Confusion raced through the inner workings of the gunsmith'shis brain as he stared at the man, who was just about to climb up. He had taken off of his jacket, revealing a black shirt that matched perfectly with the shadows of the night. The wind had finally stopped blowing, allowing an eerie quiet to sap the landscape as the man ascendedstarted climbing up the tree. Ballad couldn't help but notice how the man seemed to expertly slither up the bark of the tree, especially on the thinnertree limbs that even the green sharpshooterBallad had a hard time keeping steady on. Ballad seemed to nod in an appreciative manner before promptly shaking his head, as if to knock the view out of his mind.

As long as you establish certain unique or unchanging facts early on in your writing, you don't need to refer back to them later in the paragraph. I would recommend checking for word repetition , but other than that you have some really solid descriptive writing there. Character is good too, with how you show the subtle actions that Ballad does that gives away his thoughts and feelings. Looking sharp!