Frozen Fool

[Strazio Rockwell]

The two trudged through the snow at a decent clip. Asides from the occasional gust of chilling wind the weather was fairly hospitable. The leather jacket that Gamzee had summoned kept the white-haired prime relatively warm. In the back of his head every step of the Abyss played out on repeat. It festered in his mouth and left the bitter taste of disappointment. The troll seemed unaffected by the entire excursion, still as aloof and happy-go-lucky as ever. After they were brought to the post-show facility Strazio had spent a few minutes mulling over the various fights of the competition, but he had been unable to watch the one that had interested him most. Though the official records stated that Enel had eliminated Gamzee they had no footage of the actual fight. Whatever that lightning bastard had used to trap Gamzee blocked the vision of even the high-tech cameras placed throughout the island.

"So," Strazio said, breaking the silence, "when we were ambushed, what, what happened?"

Gamzee thought for a moment and answered, "whole thing's kinda hazy you know? Motherfucker was chuckin' lightning bolts around like they grew on trees, think he might've fried my motherfuckin' thinkpan, but one second me and you was talkin' and walkin' like the buds we are and then next thing I know, boom, big flash you're gone and I'm left with sparkbro in some kinna wannabe Nexus, dude was an ass, Straz, but I mean if he was more vibey and less self consumin', he might not be so bad, but he was just a believer in his own self, you feel me?"

"Not... no, not really."

"Dude thought he was a god Straz, like a real motherfuckin deity, like someone worth worshiping and prostrating yourself for, he shizlocked me and beat the shit outta me, and I killed him and can you motherfuckin' guess what happened?"

Strazio shook his head.

"Dude literally jumpstarted his own heart into ticking, literally lightning-fucked his heart into working, never seen anything like that before, and then I gotted gone because of a drop I had up my sleeve, I ended up losing, but I kept my think sponge from getting too lit, long story short, dude was not chill at all, he had a wicked ego, can't stand when motherfuckers think so highly of themselves." Gamzee said.

Strazio responded, "yeah, I feel you."

"I want a rematch, when we're fresh, no underhanded competition bullshit," Gamzee said after a pause.

"Me too buddy, me too." Strazio answered.

They continued forward, deeper into the heart of the Frozen Hills. By this point the wind had begun to pick up, whipping flakes of snow and ice at the two adventurers. Strazio pulled up the jacket's hood and bent over to shield himself from the flurry.

"Hey, listen," Strazio said, raising his voice over the wind, "sorry for bailing on you, y'know, on the island."

Gamzee laughed, "no worries brohan, we were both pretty banged up, there was no way we would've survived that fight without running."

"Yeah," Strazio opened his mouth to speak, but was interupted.

FWOOOOOOOOOOO

A horrible sound carved through the snow and slammed against their ears. A world-shaking bellowing that came from no mortal creature. Strazio clutched at his ears as the awful sound reverberated through his head and rattled his brains. Once again the mysterious tuba-like call rang across the frozen wasteland. Strazio turned towards the direction the sound was coming from and spotted a lone figure on the horizon. He grabbed Gamzee's arm and pointed at the approaching silhouette. The two veered off course and made their way to the source of the terrible noise. Every now and again the being would emit that eardrum-rupturing sound and the two would have to pause to catch their breath. It was an almost physical wall of sound that battered them as much as the wicked flurries. As they approached the figure turned to meet them.

He was a towering giant of a man, easily standing over six feet tall. He wore no shirt and instead had a portrait of blue tattoos covering his chiseled body. The most magnificent mustache/beard combo that the two had ever laid eyes on made its home on the man's square jawline. And were it not for the giant's baby blue eyes he would have seemed quite intimidating, but those pools of childlike innocence could melt even the most rugged heart. Across his back was a rucksack, laden with not only the necessities for survival, but also several strange and foreign instruments. In his hand was a long clarinet-shaped horn, made out of wood and emblazoned with several pictograms. Upon noticing the two he smiled, took a deep breath, and blew with all of his might into the horn.

FWOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Stop! Goddamnit STOP!" Strazio screamed, but his words were torn apart by the stranger's instrument.

As the sound died down the man flexed his biceps and shouted, "greetings travelers, Renzo the Magnificent is please to make your acquaintance, please feel free to take any pictures you'd like, Renzo the Great is not afraid of the camera!"

Strazio looked to Gamzee for confirmation that he was indeed seeing this shit. The white-haired prime growled and stepped towards the mountain of a man.

"Just who the fuck are you, and what the fuck are you doing blowing my goddamned eardrums open?" the Avatar of Rage demanded.

"Why my friend, as Renzo has stated previously he is Renzo the Great, friend to all and enemy to evil!" the man's voice only had one volume and it was fucking loud.

Gamzee giggled, but stopped when Straz shot him a nasty look. Around them the wind had died down and they were left with a fresh coat of powdery snow. It was still ten degrees below ice cold, and even though Renzo wore no shirt he showed no signs of hypothermia. In fact the towering man radiated heat, his body turning any errant snowflake into steam.

"Okay, fuck," Strazio said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "then what the fuck is that thing in your hand, some kind of sound-based weapon?"

Renzo laughed the kind of deep-chested chortle you'd associate with a lumberjack.

"No my friend, this is Renzo's vuvuzela, passed down the family line for generations," he said and raised the instrument to his lips.

Strazio's eyes went wide and he acted. His hand rose in one solid movement and he fired a burst of magick. The white-hot flash of destruction shattered the instruments. Splinters of shattered wood buried themselves into the fresh powder. Strazio breathed a sigh of relief. Renzo gasped as he held up the splintered remnants of his heirloom.

"Renzo's vuvuzela!" he exclaimed, "you've destroyed my pride and joy! Now you've done it you rapscallion, you've tussled with the muscle!"

To punctuated his point he brought up both his arms and flexed his massive biceps. Gamzee was half-dead with laughter by this point. Strazio raised an eyebrow and took a step back.

"You better step back motherfucker or you're vuvu-whatever the fuck isn't going to be-" he began to say, but was interrupted.

"Nobody tussles with Renzo's muscles!"

With that the man threw aside his rucksack and full-body tackled Strazio. The Defender of Darkshire was sent tumbling into the snow. Everything happened faster than his brain could process and before he could react Renzo had locked in a full-Nelson.

"Gamzee you bastard," Strazio shouted, "help me!"