Secondary Saga Reviews

[Gildarts]

Ok, I'd like to hear your opinion on how I did on Jan on part 5.

My voice- Did I make Jan sound interesting to the folks reading?

What could I of improved on that could of made Jan pop more?

Just wanted to say, these questions are awesomely direct, and make it easy for me to give answers. <3

On part five, many people had the challenge of creating a story that really built up to the climax of drama. I know I felt like some of the suspense that accumulated between Jan and Klaud's story, veered more in favor of Klaud. That is not to say that you both didn't gain 'credit' to the story, but it did seem to enhance Klaud's impact more, and in a competition, it is important to have a balance in a relationship like theirs, to be intriguing, and have more capacity to grow.

Your voice- It was strong and distinguished, however there was a lot of action in your post, and while that did not take away from Jan's perspective, there were times when it felt muddled by the 'goings-ons' in the post.

Lastly, improvements- Well, it was a bit of a surprise to see so many 'military' based secondaries. If you think about it, Christa, Abner, Klaud, Jan, Isaac, Richto, and even more (prolly, i can't remember every detail) were based roughly on a backround that incorporated military themes. With such a huge category, you/we had the challenge of distinguishing ourselves to a HIGHER level than perhaps, a wooden boy (Pinocchio) who was unique, had a niche, and may have survived had he not been disqualified for activity.

It was important for characters like ours to have something that separated us from the group. Isaac had his blood, and a great perspective of an old veteran, who had returned from a war he had lived, (to paraphrase) and never stopped living it. Richto was a mad scientist, and his extremity gave him his own corner of the world, which lead into a good story.

There were others, but those are just examples. You and Klaud had a romance, which distinguished you both from the group (not necessarily the 'military' one), however, I know I felt the fact that Klaud was pregnant, was sourced more around her character. Jan did a good job, however with a little more passion and thorough explanation of his struggle (prioritized) i felt like he could have been separated from the group a bit better.

Ie, starkly emphasize Jan and find a way to make him of great necessity to the story.