10-26-2015, 04:40 AM
Roster
Overall the roster is good, the design, the ideas and execution are all well. I am not the one to consult on grammar and punctuation, but I haven’t noticed any major mistakes on this part too. The biggest problems I have seen are similar patterns of sentences and word combinations, as well as a couple of ‘consistency’ mistakes, that might just be typos (you refer to “Frozen Over” as both frozen ocean and town later) and tautologies (wick…wick…wick). Aside from that both the style and the writing is good and what little mistakes (“everyone” instead of “anyone”) don’t impact the impression in a major way and the roster creates a solid, well defined impression of the character. On writing note: try to refrain from using word ‘very’ unless absolutely necessary.
[spoiler](I am shamelessly stealing some design ideas)[/spoiler]
[spoiler](Atk description – check the first sentence for consistency and the rest for typos. “Can’t kill everyone” – replace “everyone” with “someone”.)[/spoiler]
Nexus topic.
I chuckled far too much reading this, I suppose I just like the style. Pretty much the same “mistakes” as the above, but it is made up by far by the actually humorous stuff and a good usage of switching points of view around to show the same situation.
Topic 2, ururu edition
Same as before really, but it has become noticeable that you are getting better, as the amount of mistakes I noted before is reduced from “everpresent” (they were actually in almost half sentences in the roster) to “roughly one in five paragraphs”. The depiction of Ballad’s reactions is priceless.
Topic 3, those damn kids edition.
The writing has again noticeably improved, but you were either tired, or didn’t proofread much of this, as the amount of typos and misplaced words increased somewhat. Again, I fucking love this guy. Favourite quote “Which was, in all actuality, the bottom of a frozen lake”.
All in all your writing in itself is really good, but you could use some work on the grammar and general wording. I would suggest finding something that can show you the synonyms for words you use too frequently.
Overall the roster is good, the design, the ideas and execution are all well. I am not the one to consult on grammar and punctuation, but I haven’t noticed any major mistakes on this part too. The biggest problems I have seen are similar patterns of sentences and word combinations, as well as a couple of ‘consistency’ mistakes, that might just be typos (you refer to “Frozen Over” as both frozen ocean and town later) and tautologies (wick…wick…wick). Aside from that both the style and the writing is good and what little mistakes (“everyone” instead of “anyone”) don’t impact the impression in a major way and the roster creates a solid, well defined impression of the character. On writing note: try to refrain from using word ‘very’ unless absolutely necessary.
[spoiler](I am shamelessly stealing some design ideas)[/spoiler]
[spoiler](Atk description – check the first sentence for consistency and the rest for typos. “Can’t kill everyone” – replace “everyone” with “someone”.)[/spoiler]
Nexus topic.
I chuckled far too much reading this, I suppose I just like the style. Pretty much the same “mistakes” as the above, but it is made up by far by the actually humorous stuff and a good usage of switching points of view around to show the same situation.
Topic 2, ururu edition
Same as before really, but it has become noticeable that you are getting better, as the amount of mistakes I noted before is reduced from “everpresent” (they were actually in almost half sentences in the roster) to “roughly one in five paragraphs”. The depiction of Ballad’s reactions is priceless.
Topic 3, those damn kids edition.
The writing has again noticeably improved, but you were either tired, or didn’t proofread much of this, as the amount of typos and misplaced words increased somewhat. Again, I fucking love this guy. Favourite quote “Which was, in all actuality, the bottom of a frozen lake”.
All in all your writing in itself is really good, but you could use some work on the grammar and general wording. I would suggest finding something that can show you the synonyms for words you use too frequently.
![[Image: wzGKapL.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/wzGKapL.jpg)