Let's Read: Book Club 19

[Jade Harley]

So, as a sort of foreword, let me just say that I noticed that a lot of people(but not everyone) seemed to have trouble getting through the first one or two posts of the Colosseum tournament. And by ‘trouble’, I mean there were posts made and the chat box was filled with agonized pleas for merciful grading. While this was sometimes a bit befuddling to read, seeing as their posts were perfectly fine, I can see where they’re coming from.

Now, onto the actual review thing! I wasn’t sure if I could give my thoughts on more than one fight, but I’ll post this one now and try to give my thoughts on a few more later, if that's okay.

Colosseum - Round 1, Group A - Gildarts vs Bandit w/ No Name

First Post, Gildarts:

Okay, let me say right off that this was a STRONG starting post, totally befitting of the Strongest Prime. The imagery flowed smoothly, it wasn’t muddled with a bunch of unnecessary details and odd descriptors, and I could totally envision the Colosseum with the bloodthirsty crowds shouting down at the contestants to destroy one another in the goriest way possible.

I have no familiarity with the character of Gildarts past what I have read on the Omniverse, but if I did I’m certain that this portrayal would be spot-on. You can really see what he’s seeing, feel how he feels about this fight, and overall get a significant portrayal of an honorable, upright character. I especially enjoyed the glimpses of how Gildarts views himself in relation to how the crowd views him— it was a very interesting tidbit of information to add in, and it only improved the overall ‘feel’ of the post. I'm not sure if that was intentional, but I liked it. I'll be saying that a lot, ahah.

The description of BWNN was rad. Words like ‘insidious’ and ‘sparks’ and ‘spiked’ just… dang. The usage of the phrase, “the distinguished skull panted on her face could be seen haunting him from across the battlefield,” was especially rad, even if there was a typo. It didn’t detract from the work because the image was so vivid, so I didn't catch it until the second read-through. Also, the fact that Gildarts has a code of morals that he follows is further emphasized by the little nod his gives BWNN, which was a great callback to the earlier parts of the post. A great use of action to provide physical evidence of a less tangible part of the characters personality, in my opinion.

Then, this great sentence was placed in there:

The strap of her rifle nagged on her shoulder, she had to remind herself from the distracting thought, that there wasn't enough time, or maybe there was.

Oooooooo, chill bumps, you guys! The fight’s about to begin! And then, it does.

The next paragraph, as BWNN begins to charge at Gildarts and make use of her rifle, might seem a liiittle choppy to someone who’s less worried about the content and style of the paragraphs than how easy it is to read. However, this is a very real depiction of how combat is— it’s fast-paced, it’s made up of movement and deafening sound, and it’s only got a smidgen of dialogue to wrap it up with a sweet little bow:

Bandit calculated their lack of effect, "Damn."

My thoughts exactly, Bandit. Damn.

I’m not sure how to describe this next portion without the gratuitous use of onomatopoeia. There are some things that just gotta have some sound effects. This post definitely deserves a ‘ssssssssawwWHHOOOSH!!!!!!!!’ It was that awesome. It’s hard for me to describe how much I liked this part, because the combination of Gildarts’ sudden blindness with BWNN’s fast approach was described perfectly. There’s nothing that I would have changed to improve upon this post, that’s for sure.

A few grains later,

(Lovin’ it already.)

the speared hammer daunted just over his head. Her biceps readied, her form perfect, as the blow threatened to fall.

All I can think is, “Wow! That was a close call!” She literally almost whacked him upside the head with a gigantic hammer, but it’s just a show of Gildarts’ skill as a fighter that he is able to evade the blow with his magic and some melee.

–he crushed another punch into her. She met his brutality with a bit of her own as his jaw was slammed into his tongue and the bandit was briefly filled with pride.

They’re both kicking some major butt right now. Man, but then Gildarts is cornered and is trying to get out of there like a spitting cat or something, and it’s very apparent that, despite his skill and experience, he has made a mistake. He’s made a mistake in battle with an *upstart fighter*, although the BWNN’s background is very violence-oriented.

Gildarts doesn’t know this. He’s madder than a wet hen. He thinks he can just hold her down for a while; BWNN quickly proves him wrong and slams her head into his face. Ouch. Anyone who’s rough-housed with a sibling or childhood friend knows what that is like, and it isn’t pleasant. I think that the actual pain could have been described more, but from the memory-pain I am experiencing right now, it won’t be altogether necessary. That might just be me, though. I would have said something preposterous like “a railroad spike being drilled into his head” or something, which would be an ostentatious exaggeration, so.

It took me maybe a little under three minutes to read this post in its entirety, but that wasn’t because it was a difficult read. The writing and characters were just so engaging— you can’t not lend a little extra reading time for that.

Second Post, Bandit With No Name:

I’m sorry, but I find it hilarious how these two characters end up beating the living daylights out of each other at the end of both posts, but like, in reverse. I just thought that was great, I’ll get to the actual review thing now.

Okay, Bandit is the new fave around here. Number One Coolkid On The Block, there we go. I wouldn’t be surprised if either of these two make it to the finals— or whatever we’re calling it now, because they’re both capable of kicking some major ass.

Let’s start off with the images presented in this post, then, which I think are spectacular:

Gildarts recoiled, white grease paint smeared over the bridge of his now-bruising nose. The magical proctor grimaced as the raider swatted his firm grip from her shoulders and planted her hands on either side of his head, interlacing her fingers at the nape of his neck. Tugging down with her powerful biceps, she grunted brutishly and drove her armor-plated knee up into his chin, snapping his head back viciously.

You can’t tell me that you didn’t see this play out word-for-word in your head. They’re in close-quarters; movement should be a little jilted but is still brutally efficient. And it’s shown to be just like that, which is fantastic! They’re getting down and dirty, now, as combat should be.

Now, imagine that you’re in BWNN’s boots. You’ve just totally pwned this guy, or at least you think you have, and you’re feeling good. Maybe you’ll win this, after all. This magicky guy isn’t all that. The sickest fires of battle are running through your veins and this fella hasn’t got shit.
And then— then you glance up, and he’s hardly got a scratch on him. Imagine that terror, like a shot of white-hot adrenaline spreading through your body, aching in your legs and twisting your tongue. Hold it with you. It will stoke the forge of your passion and give you the will to go on when there is everything left to lose. AWESOME.

Bandit’s subsequent hesitation, her shock, is all it takes for Gildarts to give her a good whop upside the head and send her skidding off. When she regains her footing, however, she admits to having underestimated her opponent. Thus, both combatants are more or less guilty of the same mistake, although Gildarts’ was in thinking that BWWN wouldn’t pull a nasty move and Bandit’s was in believing that Gildarts was unskilled in hand-to-hand. Or, at least, that’s the impression I’m getting.

“But for some kinda’ magical fuckbird…” The woman cranked down on the throttle grip of her maul, a guttural roar churning out of the spike-laden engine that was situated as the head of the weapon. Fire spat out of the protruding exhaust pipes, flickering over the tip of her cigarette, and she breathed in deeply. A haze of fumes encircled the bandit as she exhaled a thick column of smoke, “… you’re pretty tough.”

Dude. Duuuuuuuuude. You all remember this post, right? I bet that small child is gaping like an awe-stricken goldfish right now. This is some fantastic imagery, I am amazed by how awesome this is. Radness Level is at its peak or something.

SURPRISE. THE POST GETS RADDER. There’s a really good quote, I think, that describes exactly how this whole thread feels to me— how the characters are portrayed and revealed. Here we go:

“If you tell the reader that Bull Beezley is a brutal-faced, loose-lipped bully, with snake’s blood in his veins, the reader’s reaction may be, ‘Oh, yeah!’ But if you show the reader Bull Beezley raking the bloodied flanks of his weary, sweat-encrusted pony, and flogging the tottering, red-eyed animal with a quirt, or have him booting in the protruding ribs of a starved mongrel and, boy, the reader believes!”
—Fred East

The imagery, man. The imagery. Now, I’m not usually one for, like, English Lecture Hall Time or anything, but the word choice in this was spot-on. I’m trying to find the right words to describe this, since this writing is so good and therefore I feel as if I have to describe how great it is really, really well, but… I mean, heck. It’s like thunder and lightning are getting ready to rumble up in here, dry lightning snapping across the sky like a whip and thunder rumbling like it’s got something to say, you guys.

In short, the part where Gildarts and BWNN are flung about like rag dolls by the explosion-flare-thing of their magic and hammer, respectively, is awesome. “The delicate composition of the scene shattered,” was a great way of describing what’s going on, like that part in a cinematic masterpiece where the characters all slow down before the blast wave reaches them, and the expressions “volatile force” and “diesel-powered wave of pressure and flame” were also exceptionally used.

Did you see what I said in the paragraph before this? Cinematic. That’s an excellent way to describe how this post is. It’s very detail-oriented, but focuses on the big picture at the same time; you’re getting an amazing painting with little nit-picky details here and there that can still be easily viewed from a fair distance. You don’t have to read too far into the passage and strain your brain muscles to get the gist of what’s going on, although you still can, which I think is a great sign in any person’s writing. I have trouble doing that kind of thing myself, so I’m very impressed.

Both characters have been hit by a pretty powerful blast. They’re proooobably not coming back from that without being at least a little topsy-turvy. This is excellently portrayed in BWNN’s post— the jilted walking, the whacky effects to her insides and head in general. There is a brief stall in the battle where they are both, on the face of it, trying to regain their footing or at least slightly recover from the fiery detonation.

I don’t know why, but I really liked the part about the tip of the shoe and Bandit getting all hyped up about taking Gildarts out. In my head, when I was first reading this, I thought, “Wow, has she really got him? Is BWNN going to win?” I could tell that it was a really triumphant moment for this character, which made it all the more devastating when she was hit with a wave of magic and blown clear across the arena.

All in all, I’m super excited to see what happens after this. I’m not even going to attempt to figure out who will win; these writers are both great.