Welcome to Ambrosia!

[Gamzee Makara]

“Platitudinous!”

Adam, who had his head in his hands, looks up at the tall troll with a weird look in his eyes.

Karkat glares up from his phone, his features covered in a “You fucking idiot” formation.

“Aaanyways… Gamzee. I need you to focus for a sec. I need you to synthesize me up something that will get me across the verses, fast.”

The clown claps giddily and closes his eyes, hands pressed against each other in a prayer like style.

“You got it bro! I got the perfectest thing! Been thinking about it for a while.”

Minutes pass. Karkat groans, Adam moans, and Gamzee is still in that same prayer position. Then, the telltale prismatic, shimmering light erupts in the middle of the room. Karkat shields his eyes, and when everything comes to view again-

There’s a jetpack in the middle of the room.

It had a wingspan of roughly three and a half feet. Attached to said black wings via metal holsters were lots and lots of convenience store bottles of Faygo, a whole rainbow of flavors. Each of them had little evaporators fastened to the bottom end, and emerging where bottle caps would be are long, rubber tubes that all feed into a machine on the back. Several slightly larger bottles of Redpop were lying against the base of the machine. Fay was spray painted in big, purple, stenciled out letters on the left wing, and go! was printed the same on the right wing.

“What.”

Gamzee jumps up and down, so excited at his newest creation. He retrieves one of the wicked elixirs from its resting place at the bottom, quickly unscrewing the cap. The juggalo sighs in time with the escaping hiss, taking a big whiff of fruity miracles.

“What.”

The tall, polka-dot bottomed troll pays his shorter friend no mind, taking a tentative sip of his bottled miracle. He smacks his lips a few times, savoring the strawberry goodness, before pouring the rest of the soda down an opening in what appears to be a small engine located on the back of the jetpack.

It’s a jetpack.

Powered by Faygo.

“Oh no. No no no, a thousand times, hell to the motherfucking no, I am not riding in that sugary neon death trap. I would rather jump out of this two-story window and walk my ass straight to Jade’s frozen ass tower. No. No.”

“Awww c’mon man, ain’t no harm in it.” Gamzee walks up beside his best friend, slapping an arm around his shoulders. He gestures out in front of him, as if having a vision.

“I can see it now, bro. My little buddy Karkat all up and spreading the miracle of the wicked elixir to the masses below as he flies across the horizon, all mystic like. Man you’d be just like Troll Santa Clause, but y’know, with Faygo!”

“There is no such thing as Troll Santa Clause and I am not fucking emulating a fictitious jolly clad-in-red asshole.” Karkat has begun to shake with barely contained rage, developing a weird twitch in the right corner of his mouth.

Gamzee is trying his hardest not to giggle from joy. His voice almost holds a sort of mocking tone at Karkat’s disapproval. “Weeellll brother, I guess you’s gon’ have to walk, cause I ain’t synthesizing nothin’ else. This right here is a Prime, bonafide Miracle. Besides man, I worked really hard on that and if you don’t use it, why, I think I might just tear up and-”

“Ugh fine! Fucking hell, Gamzee! Whatever I’ll fucking take the stupid Faygo Jetpack.” Karkat crosses his arms in annoyance, almost pouting at his clownish idiot of a friend.

“Aww, don’t be like that bro. Look! I even miracalized up a motherfucking Faygo dispenser! You can just be all flyin’ and shit, and then, if’n you gets thirsty, BAM! Instant elixir.”

“Oh my god, I fucking said I’d take the damn jetpack! Jesus…”

In the time span that this brief little argument has taken place, Adam could be found banging his head against the wall again.

Stupid. Fucking. Trolls.

-----

Moments later the trio is on the shingled roof of Adam’s townhouse. Karkat has been strapped into the Miraculous Elixirizer (as dubbed by Gamzee) via leather harness and is prepped for launch. For all the excitement, the crabby troll sports an “I’m so fucking tired of this asshole’s whimsy” look, coupled with mutters of “I should be leader goddammit” and “Shit’s what got us here in the first place”.

Gamzee is straight chillin’, and as he pours the last of the two liters into the Elixirizer, he jogs over to an exasperated Adam.

“Awwwwriiiiiight! Karkat! Are you read-ie?” He shouts to his companion.

“No. I am not ready to fucking die.”

“Good! Cause we have motherfuckiiiiinn lift off!”

With that, Karkat shakes his body vigorously, causing the Miracles inside to grow volatile and combustive, as per Gamzee’s vivid instructions. After the Miracles have been sufficiently roused, the Cancer mashes a button with his thumb on the metal handles that steer the Jetpack. The rubber tubes fill with neon rainbow colors, and misty Faygo erupts from the bottom of the machine in a similar rainbow fashion with enough force to launch Karkat high into the blue sky. A scream can be heard as he flies all around the small town of Ambrosia.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS FUCKING PIECE OF JUGGALO JUNK WORKED!”

This is followed by reluctant laughter. He was having a good time.

He just didn’t need anyone knowing that.

At any rate, Gamzee gives him another thumbs up, and Adam tentatively waves at the mysterious asshole that is now flying off into the horizon, like Troll Santa Clause. All that remains of Karkat’s presence is the multi-colored fruity mist emitted from the miraculous jetpack as he flies off towards the Nexus Gate.

-----

As the clown waves his best bro off to the Frozen Fields, he throws a dopey stare at Adam.

“So, new best friend. S’Adam right? What now? Miracalizing up that complicated beauty took a lot out of me, imagination wise. We gotta get to er...Camel Lot right? Do we need to build some kinda transportation or we just hoofin’ it?”