Drink Up, Me Hearties

[Mickey Mouse]

Boom.

Captain Jack Sparrow’s attention immediately reverted to the Pearl at the sound of the huge explosion within the darker chambers of his ship; all of a sudden, the threat of some murderous Pokémon boarders seemed like a minor annoyance.

“What the bloody hell?” he scurried toward the door to the below decks. Charmeleon released Fire-Breath Farley, preferring instead to aim his gun at the good Captain. The lizard-like creature stepped in Jack’s way, placing his sights squarely at the pirate’s chest. For once in his life, Sparrow longed for the cursed Aztec gold that had gotten his crew into so much trouble back in the Caribbean. If the lizard shot at him, he’d surely die.

“Not so fast,” the creature hissed. “Somebody, go check and see what the fuck that was.” He glanced over at his four compatriots. The Kadabra wielding the big rocket launcher separated himself from the pack, approaching the trapdoor. Instinctively, Jack tried to move to stop him, but Charmeleon’s pistol raised once again. “I said stay here, Dreadlocks.”

“Actually, in all technicality, you said ‘not so fast,’” Sparrow quipped, but the Charmeleon’s snarl quickly lessened his desire to engage in any more sarcasm. “But really—it’s just—that big thing, in my ship,” he gestured lazily at the rocket launcher, “I’m afraid it’ll hurt her.”

“Good thing this isn’t your ship anymore,” Charmeleon shrugged, waving the Kadabra on. The psychic Pokémon opened up the trapdoor and made to go down the stairs.

Immediately, the door burst open in the creature’s face, knocking it back into the Charmeleon. The pair of Pokemon stumbled and fell, the Kadabra admirably holding on to the rocket launcher as it tumbled to the ground. Jack’s nerves went on high alert, but luckily nothing shot off. He breathed a sigh of relief, then turned back to the trapdoor to see Leviathan clambering out, dragging Negotiator behind her in one hand. She lifted it up and seared through Kadabra with one squeeze of the trigger, painting the top deck of the ship with the Pokémon’s blood. She leveled her gun at the other three.

Jack’s motley crew of pirates, their confidence renewed, whipped out their blades and pistols and aimed them for the heavily armed trio of Pokémon that remained. The captain, meanwhile, picked up the derringer pistol that Charmeleon had dropped and lorded himself over the lizard.

“This is always my ship, savvy?” Jack said, examining the gun. “Kinda small, don’t ye think, mate?” the pirate frowned, dripping with condescension.

“Fuck. You,” Charmeleon growled, opening up his maw and releasing a jet of hot, hot flame in Sparrow’s direction. The Captain leapt back, the heat unbearably close to his immaculate beard, and stumbled into Leviathan, sending the pair of them tumbling down the stairs into the lower decks. Above them, the absence of Negotiator had sent the whole top deck into a tizzy. The pair, now tangled in a mess at the bottom of the stairs, heard the Pokémon open fire.

“You fucking moron,” Leviathan grunted, shoving Jack off of her and hurrying back up the stairs.

“You’re the one who blew something up inside my ship!” Jack protested, but she paid him no mind. The Captain watched her not-so-womanly form lug the big gun back up to the open air, but he did not immediately follow; first, he slipped his hand in the pocket of his coat and pulled out a tiny compass that appeared to not work.

He examined it quickly, then a smile slipped onto his face. “That’s interesting,” he muttered to himself, “…that’s very interesting.”

The captain unsheathed his sword and hurried up to join the fray.