08-13-2015, 02:08 AM
Oh well this is just VERDAMMT PERFEKT! I genuinely thought for a moment that perhaps, maybe, just maybe, THINGS WOULD GO SMOOTHLY. Ah, but what am I to expect with mein luck? Un surprise party? Just for me?! Of course not. Just these boorish, tribal, inferior green monsters. Next I'll be expecting Omni to jump out of a cake in his damenunterwäsche! I keep hearing certain shouts from my fellow 'secondaries' as they are called. "Orcs!" I hear. "Goblins!" They say. Creatures of myth, come to life. Then again, after killing hundreds of the untoten and their hordes, little surprises me.
I watch my unlikely friends battle these beasts, and for now, they seem to be holding their own. I see two fellows surrounded by brutes. Unafraid of these daunting odds, they blast through the enemy line with iron and gunpowder. I see a strange and rather puny robot fire a wondrous gun that I had never seen before, using ammunition that became searing beams of red energy, not unlike those of mein own Boomhilda. I see the strange untoten (the one that had been the subject of several heated arguments even before pleasantries had been exchanged) busying himself with, ah... preparing lunch.
Alas, so preoccupied with battle that they are, they fail to notice more of our enemies joining the fray. I imagine they will soon learn they are outnumbered. That we are outnumbered. As soon as one Orc is slain, three fall in line to take its place. Why then, am I compelled to stay? Why then, am I compelled to help these strange allies of mine? Perhaps it is because I fear I would not do so well in this universe on my own. Perhaps I am curious as to how this foray, this expedition of hapless secondaries will play out. In any case, it would be of no benefit of me to let too many of my 'friends' to die. I suppose that maybe i should lend a hand and ACH MEIN GOTT WAS IST DAS!?
"Der...Der Riese."
I swear under my breath and place my staff in the leather straps on my back, but immediately my pistol is levied at the huge monstrosity before me. I watch as two secondaries whose names are not known to me attempt to pull this wondrous beast to the ground. They are...less than successful. Glancing blows are struck before the troll bats them away with a crude weapon. That is the real prize, und horrific, beautiful terror of the world.
So enraptured with this display of power this anomaly of nature is giving, I fail to notice I have a very curious, very large green beastie behind me. But, my instincts are sharpened from fighting the undead (rather ironically), who also enjoy the act of SNEAKING UP ON UNSUSPECTING RESPECTABLE GERMAN SCIENTISTS!
-ahem-
But yes, it is such that I felt this, tickling hotness on the nape of my neck. It is in this moment my reflexes kick in, and BAM mein fist swings into the tricky bastard’s face! Without even having to turn around! Aha! Ahahahaha! I do admittedly need a moment to collect myself as I realize how… Gah, how would my American friend put it? “Badass?” Yes. That was very badass. With new vigor, I once again turn my attention to this glorious struggle awaiting me.
I once again aim down the clear sight of my pistol, giving the troll a once over. Mmm. Thick hide, rough, rough skin, engorged hands. Something tells this Doctor that perhaps lightning is not the prescribed medicine for this endeavor. But ah! A strange, thick moss covers his body! Perhaps, like most vegetation, it is flammable? If it is not, then shooting it square in the face with beams of heated energy rounds will have to suffice. For now, however, Boomhilda returns to her sheathe. I swing out Kemat’s Bite, and stare down at the iron horde that stands in between me and my goal. Valkyries begin to sing to me. I flip several switches on the shaft of the staff, and hold down a button with my thumb. The sweet, sweet crackle of electricity floats into mein ears, as I feel the power of lightning in my hands. Ah. A fully charged payload on a full charge. The carnage shall be…
Gratuitous.
I release my thumb from the trigger mechanism, and watch with uncontainable glee as violet orbs of static discharge shoot from the gem of power atop the staff. The balls of energy will float precariously above the heads of the Orcs until they slowly sink down to the ground, harmless until then. But, as the first ball of lightning touches the earth below us, arcs of brilliant electricity shoot from the grounded orb, straight into my enemies. Everywhere, everywhere, I see green bodies fall to the ground, a white glow emitting from their evaporated eye sockets. Then, the glow extinguishes, along with the last of their life force. Some of the burlier and luckier ones will survive and will simply be knocked unconscious from the pain, but others will be dead before they hit the ground. This of course will not completely clear the battlefield, heavens no, but it is a start. With the strategic placement of my orbs, the least that it has done for me is clear a path from where I was currently standing to the prize ahead.
And then, I say quietly to no one in particular as a smile cracks my face:
“Well at least their deaths were swift...after those final moments of utter agony.”
I cannot help the hysterical laughter escaping from my lungs as I run out into the battlefield, staff raised. As I said before, kill one vermin, and several more simply take it’s place. While initially, I practically had a pathway of green bodies to the troll that was my target, other orcs gradually began to realize what was going on and made attempts to impede my progress.
Luckily, my opening attack also managed to scatter what I could only loosely define as ‘squads’ or ‘regiments’ of Orcs and Goblins, so obstacles between myself and the giant were rather sparse. Groups of two or three enemies at a time, rather. It is such that I had little trouble dealing with these nuisances with well placed bolts of lightning before they reached me, save one sneaky little goblin that managed to cut a diagonal slash across my shoulder blade before I sunk the bladed edge of my weapon into its annoying green neck.
A small, partially decimated contingent of three remaining archers set upon me with a hail of rugged arrows. I succeeded only in rolling out of harm’s way just before they hit their mark. I spun around to face them, and, in one deft movement, free my darling Boomhilda from her cage with my left hand, firing six shots wildly at my attackers. They scurried and dove behind rocks and trees, but not without a few burning holes in their flesh. I imagine I did not manage to mortally wound any of them, as I was shooting with my off hand, but they certainly got the message to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MEIN WAY!
I reach the rampaging troll with little issue from there on out, maniacal grin still plastered on my face. I don’t even pay attention to the two combatants already assaulting the troll. The General women stands to the left of me yes, but that is all I register of her. My mind has already been consumed by the adrenaline of battle, the sadist in me beginning to show. I briefly notice a man dressed in strange seafarer's garb begin to seize up a final blow. But it doesn’t matter. My plan will be set in motion. I start to laugh again.
“Aha! Ahahahaha! Does the big man need un time-out?! Is he throwing a temper tantrum!?”
It is time for some shock therapy. I fire several bolts of purple lightning at the beasty’s face to get his attention, assuming that they won’t do a whole lot of damage. After that, I set about trying to set the beast on fire by frying the moss covering his skin. With great expertise, I fling lightning at the vegetation, hoping that it catches. I fear that shooting the dried green stuff with Boomhilda would simply cause it to disintegrate into dust, so I kept at it, hoping that the plasma would be sufficient.
And, lo and behold! Unz beast has caught-
OOF!
I am quite literally backhanded across the battlefield, landing at the feet of the captain who introduced himself as Crow. How quaint. My head is spinning, but is no longer clouded by a proverbial red mist. I push myself up from the ground and give him a wary glance. I look back to the troll, who is currently screaming in agony as bright orange flames lick at his skin. My eyes go back to my ‘ally.’
“Sorry?” Is all I can manage.
I watch my unlikely friends battle these beasts, and for now, they seem to be holding their own. I see two fellows surrounded by brutes. Unafraid of these daunting odds, they blast through the enemy line with iron and gunpowder. I see a strange and rather puny robot fire a wondrous gun that I had never seen before, using ammunition that became searing beams of red energy, not unlike those of mein own Boomhilda. I see the strange untoten (the one that had been the subject of several heated arguments even before pleasantries had been exchanged) busying himself with, ah... preparing lunch.
Alas, so preoccupied with battle that they are, they fail to notice more of our enemies joining the fray. I imagine they will soon learn they are outnumbered. That we are outnumbered. As soon as one Orc is slain, three fall in line to take its place. Why then, am I compelled to stay? Why then, am I compelled to help these strange allies of mine? Perhaps it is because I fear I would not do so well in this universe on my own. Perhaps I am curious as to how this foray, this expedition of hapless secondaries will play out. In any case, it would be of no benefit of me to let too many of my 'friends' to die. I suppose that maybe i should lend a hand and ACH MEIN GOTT WAS IST DAS!?
"Der...Der Riese."
I swear under my breath and place my staff in the leather straps on my back, but immediately my pistol is levied at the huge monstrosity before me. I watch as two secondaries whose names are not known to me attempt to pull this wondrous beast to the ground. They are...less than successful. Glancing blows are struck before the troll bats them away with a crude weapon. That is the real prize, und horrific, beautiful terror of the world.
So enraptured with this display of power this anomaly of nature is giving, I fail to notice I have a very curious, very large green beastie behind me. But, my instincts are sharpened from fighting the undead (rather ironically), who also enjoy the act of SNEAKING UP ON UNSUSPECTING RESPECTABLE GERMAN SCIENTISTS!
-ahem-
But yes, it is such that I felt this, tickling hotness on the nape of my neck. It is in this moment my reflexes kick in, and BAM mein fist swings into the tricky bastard’s face! Without even having to turn around! Aha! Ahahahaha! I do admittedly need a moment to collect myself as I realize how… Gah, how would my American friend put it? “Badass?” Yes. That was very badass. With new vigor, I once again turn my attention to this glorious struggle awaiting me.
I once again aim down the clear sight of my pistol, giving the troll a once over. Mmm. Thick hide, rough, rough skin, engorged hands. Something tells this Doctor that perhaps lightning is not the prescribed medicine for this endeavor. But ah! A strange, thick moss covers his body! Perhaps, like most vegetation, it is flammable? If it is not, then shooting it square in the face with beams of heated energy rounds will have to suffice. For now, however, Boomhilda returns to her sheathe. I swing out Kemat’s Bite, and stare down at the iron horde that stands in between me and my goal. Valkyries begin to sing to me. I flip several switches on the shaft of the staff, and hold down a button with my thumb. The sweet, sweet crackle of electricity floats into mein ears, as I feel the power of lightning in my hands. Ah. A fully charged payload on a full charge. The carnage shall be…
Gratuitous.
I release my thumb from the trigger mechanism, and watch with uncontainable glee as violet orbs of static discharge shoot from the gem of power atop the staff. The balls of energy will float precariously above the heads of the Orcs until they slowly sink down to the ground, harmless until then. But, as the first ball of lightning touches the earth below us, arcs of brilliant electricity shoot from the grounded orb, straight into my enemies. Everywhere, everywhere, I see green bodies fall to the ground, a white glow emitting from their evaporated eye sockets. Then, the glow extinguishes, along with the last of their life force. Some of the burlier and luckier ones will survive and will simply be knocked unconscious from the pain, but others will be dead before they hit the ground. This of course will not completely clear the battlefield, heavens no, but it is a start. With the strategic placement of my orbs, the least that it has done for me is clear a path from where I was currently standing to the prize ahead.
And then, I say quietly to no one in particular as a smile cracks my face:
“Well at least their deaths were swift...after those final moments of utter agony.”
I cannot help the hysterical laughter escaping from my lungs as I run out into the battlefield, staff raised. As I said before, kill one vermin, and several more simply take it’s place. While initially, I practically had a pathway of green bodies to the troll that was my target, other orcs gradually began to realize what was going on and made attempts to impede my progress.
Luckily, my opening attack also managed to scatter what I could only loosely define as ‘squads’ or ‘regiments’ of Orcs and Goblins, so obstacles between myself and the giant were rather sparse. Groups of two or three enemies at a time, rather. It is such that I had little trouble dealing with these nuisances with well placed bolts of lightning before they reached me, save one sneaky little goblin that managed to cut a diagonal slash across my shoulder blade before I sunk the bladed edge of my weapon into its annoying green neck.
A small, partially decimated contingent of three remaining archers set upon me with a hail of rugged arrows. I succeeded only in rolling out of harm’s way just before they hit their mark. I spun around to face them, and, in one deft movement, free my darling Boomhilda from her cage with my left hand, firing six shots wildly at my attackers. They scurried and dove behind rocks and trees, but not without a few burning holes in their flesh. I imagine I did not manage to mortally wound any of them, as I was shooting with my off hand, but they certainly got the message to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MEIN WAY!
I reach the rampaging troll with little issue from there on out, maniacal grin still plastered on my face. I don’t even pay attention to the two combatants already assaulting the troll. The General women stands to the left of me yes, but that is all I register of her. My mind has already been consumed by the adrenaline of battle, the sadist in me beginning to show. I briefly notice a man dressed in strange seafarer's garb begin to seize up a final blow. But it doesn’t matter. My plan will be set in motion. I start to laugh again.
“Aha! Ahahahaha! Does the big man need un time-out?! Is he throwing a temper tantrum!?”
It is time for some shock therapy. I fire several bolts of purple lightning at the beasty’s face to get his attention, assuming that they won’t do a whole lot of damage. After that, I set about trying to set the beast on fire by frying the moss covering his skin. With great expertise, I fling lightning at the vegetation, hoping that it catches. I fear that shooting the dried green stuff with Boomhilda would simply cause it to disintegrate into dust, so I kept at it, hoping that the plasma would be sufficient.
And, lo and behold! Unz beast has caught-
OOF!
I am quite literally backhanded across the battlefield, landing at the feet of the captain who introduced himself as Crow. How quaint. My head is spinning, but is no longer clouded by a proverbial red mist. I push myself up from the ground and give him a wary glance. I look back to the troll, who is currently screaming in agony as bright orange flames lick at his skin. My eyes go back to my ‘ally.’
“Sorry?” Is all I can manage.
Quote:Translations:
Verdammt Perfekt = Fucking perfect
damenunterwäsche = lingerie/underwear
untoten = undead
ACH MEIN GOTT WAS IST DAS!? = OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!
Der Riese = The Giant
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![[Image: dlpaou6b73f.gif]](http://www.auplod.com/u/dlpaou6b73f.gif)
-by Jade Harley
Never Falter in the Face of Infinity.
-Tearan Wover
-by Jade Harley
Never Falter in the Face of Infinity.
-Tearan Wover