10-16-2013, 07:00 PM
Overall good, maybe explore more of the implications of violence. Hurting someone is a terrible, graphic and traumatic experience for most. Enhancing the weight of violence gives it greater purpose and its effects are as psychological for both the recipient and giver. If Magus is going into torture, it is important that something so horrible isn't treated lightly. Swashbuckling light hearted battle is great and fun, but detailing the motivations and aftermath of something truly violent is very different.
If you were to take a woman, pin her to the ground and then break her elbow with a hammer, what is her first reaction? Does she scream, does she faint, does she beg for more? What is your first reaction? Are you sickened by what you did, are you angered by her response, are you pleased with the pain you caused? Explore this and you'll find a rich place to draw from, especially from your own psychological horror of the actions your character found themselves capable of doing.
If you were to take a woman, pin her to the ground and then break her elbow with a hammer, what is her first reaction? Does she scream, does she faint, does she beg for more? What is your first reaction? Are you sickened by what you did, are you angered by her response, are you pleased with the pain you caused? Explore this and you'll find a rich place to draw from, especially from your own psychological horror of the actions your character found themselves capable of doing.