Move Creation Workshop

[Reece]

@13 - Never surrender! Don't suffer oppression!


So anyway, here's my advice; in addition to changing the cooldown section to omit Smite (just make it an entirely separate move). You also don't need to mention that people will attack him whilst he's standing still... it's pretty obvious already. And you should add in linked charge times and stuff too... because that makes it more interconnected, and by Dane logic that somehow means you have more chance of getting it approved as one move.

Here's how I would recommend writing it:

Psykana Discipline (1800) (requires ranged prof, ranged materialize prof, telepathy, area defence, buff, debuff, area attack)
The Emperor uses his psychic mastery to attack his enemies; though its effects can differ, Psykana Discipline's cooldown, charge-time, fatigue cost and range are the same regardles. Charging this move cannot be interrupted by taking damage, except from a Super Move, however the Emperor must remain stationary whilst charging and cannot use any other moves or powers at the same time.
Delayed Choice: The Emperor does not need to choose which of its effects he wants to use until after he has finished charging Psykana Discipline.
Cooldown: Each separate aspect of Psykana Discipline can be used only once per 10 minutes, with no more than 5 uses total of Psykana Discipline in that time.
Charge Time: Psykana Discipline must be charged for at least 5 seconds before use, but can be charged for up to 30 seconds if the Emperor wishes.
Fatigue: Psykana Discipline tires the Emperor quickly whilst charging, so it can be risky to try and build up his attacks to their maximum power too often.
Range: Psykana Discipline has a maximum range of 50 metres.

Terrifying Visions: The emperor fills the mind of an enemy with visions of torment and what scares them most, making them more likely to keep their distance and attack less for the duration. The minimum duration is 10 seconds and the maximum is 30 seconds. The duration increases by 2 seconds for each second Psykana Discipline has been charged and by 5 seconds for each point of TEC the Emperor has above his target. Suppression will make the hallucinations transparent and Enhanced Senses will not detect them, letting the target know that they don't exist.

Gaze of the Emperor: The Emperor's eyes blaze in vengeful fury and as his rage is made manifest and he shoots twin red beams through his eyes at the nearest target. It will appear to pierce the target regardless of their DEF, but will only deal the amount of damage it should based on their Stats. He cannot move his head while using this effect. The lasers travel as fast as a bullet and do average damage at the minimum charge level, but the damage will be 6 times greater if fully charged.

Psychic Barrier: The Emperor forms a psychic barrier that covers an ally's 'skin', which will give them a clear blue, intangible (except when attacked) shield that will shatter after the duration or after taking enough damage. The duration is equal to the charge time multiplied by 5, and the amount of damage that can be taken is based on the Emperor's DEF (i.e. the shield is as durable as his body)... though he is treated as having 1 extra DEF per 10 seconds charged for the purposes of this shield.

Nightshroud: The Emperor summons a shadow out of the warp, covering an area within range in a bubble with a 6 metre diameter. From outside, it will look like a section of the world is now in absolute darkness and people inside will be unable to see out. The Emperor and any Characters with Enhanced Senses will be able to completely ignore the bubble. The duration is equal to the charge time multiplied by 5.

Psychic Maelstrom: The Emperor summons the full force of the warp to defeat his foes, releasing a barrage of psychic attacks against all enemies within a 20 metre diameter circle inside Psykana Discipline's range. The attack takes the form of a swirling green vortex in the sky which fires out as many small bursts of lightning as the number of seconds Psykana Discipline has been charged. Each bolt deals only minor damage, but if there are large numbers of them then this can quickly mount up. The bolts will strike enemies at random, but home in with extreme accuracy and so will rarely miss. 5 bolts are fired per second and the vortex lasts until all bolts have been fired; if no enemies are within range, the bolts will hit the ground or random objects.

Hopefully that should be good enough. Personally I don't think it's too powerful and I think the 'Delayed Choice' option that I gave it should make for a pretty good reason why it has to be all one move (with the linked range, charge-time, etc adding to that), so hopefully this version will be easier to get approved...

Daaamn, though, I hope this is at least closer to being approvable... I spent, like, two hours writing it. T_T