Spectator Thread

[Guu]

“Oh, I was doing it to get more publicity for my kingdom.” She said in a matter-of-fact manner. “Not sure if I succeeded in that area, but oh well.”

She signaled a waitress who took away the large cooked bird that was in front of her. She pointed at something on the menu, which caused the food preparation representative to nod and head back into the kitchen. However, she turned back to look at Victor’s blank face.

“You’re a ruler of a kingdom?” He asked.

She gave him a look as if he was a complete idiot for thinking that’s a weird occurrence anymore. She figured he must be new here if he didn’t know that everyone and their mother was royalty in this world.

“Princess Guu.” She said, not breaking the stare. “I guess I’m technically a queen but meh…”

Victor looked flustered at his rudeness in the face of an actual leader. He scrambled to scoot his chair back and jump to his feet, giving her a respectful bow.

“Thousand pardons, Princess. I didn’t know of your royal worth.”

Guu had to force herself to keep from grunting at his remark. One second she was just some weird kid he was having a casual conversation with, the next he’s treating her like her farts don’t stink (not that she farts on a normal basis to begin with.) It was because of this she had a hard time trusting any stranger that talked to her in such a manner. She decided this boy needed to be put in his place.

“I need to take a royal shit.”

She wrapped an arm round his neck again and dragged him into the lady’s restroom.

---

Victor waited outside Guu’s stall. She was committed to the façade so she disrobed with her magic and got on the toilet, forced to tie her leg onto a nearby pole to keep from falling in. Now probably in place, she makes fart noises with her mouth to give off the illusion that the princess he’s trying to mooch off of is taking a dump 5 feet away from him.

“Ummm, I could wait for you outside.” He said, somewhat disturbed at his current situation, cautiously looking at the door, afraid someone may walk in.

“No, someone might assas-” she makes another fart noise with the air in her cheeks before continuing “uhhhh… Assassinate me on the toilet. I need you to keep watch.”

Little did Guu know, that her trolling had more basis in reality than she thought. She thought didn’t need to poop originally, but now that she was in the bathroom, she realized that all the food she had been eating during DA had a horrible side effect.

Humans have been pooping since the early days of their lives. By the time they are conscious enough to know that it’s a horrible terrible thing that we only put up with out of necessity, they are used to doing it to the point of not giving it a second thought. However, Guu never had to digest the food she ate, Sustenance wasn’t a thing she ever really needed, only eating out recreation or subterfuge. So as soon as she felt that large log pushing out of her body, her only response was to scream bloody murder. Victor started pounding at the door.

“Princess! Are you okay?” He yelled in concern.

“I-I’m fine!” Trying to pull herself together, making another fart noise with her mouth, breathing heavily as adrenaline pumps from the horrible feeling at her rear end. Eventually, the horrible clump drops and lands into the water below. She slowly gets her breathing regulated and her heart rate down. With one swipe across her forward for the sweat, she leapt off the seat, magicked her clothes back on and casually walked through the door as if nothing ever happened.

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked again, concerned for her safety. She turns to him and glares.

“I was just taking a normal lady like shit.

“…it didn’t sound normal”

“You ever hear a woman poop before?”

“No…” He asked, baffled.

“Well, then you don’t know what a lady pooping sounds like.”

She washes her hands real quick and then drags Victor out the door.

The toilet Guu was pooping in glows hellish green from inside. Horrible wretched screams are heard as the light encompasses the entire body of water. Then, just as quickly as it came, the light was gone, and out jumped a pokute who walks off away from the now empty toilet.