Writing Help?

[Thaal Sinestro]

I think that sometimes thematic writing can sometimes get in the way of "good" writing, but that's not REALLY what I think we're all here for. This isn't fucking AP Lit, it's a sit where you get to have fun writing, so do what you think is FUN.

I do think the way you've highlighted and used the sound effects makes it a lot more comic-strip-like, and if that's what you're going for then you're on point.