Let's Read: Book Club #15

[Gildarts]

An Unexpected Anomaly

I like titles that ask questions. Some more subtly than others, but it is intriguing and directs the reader in what he or she should be looking for. A long while back I remember Lopunny’s “The Price of Freedom” the title sticks with me even now and I recall distinctly what I have read. Maybe this is a personal thing, or maybe I just like to answer my own questions? Either way, I like the title because it got me seeking. And not just for an answer.

I was really excited to get the chance to read some of your work, we’ve talked in chat a little and I wanted to get to know your writing style too. I like how this topic starts off well paced and as a reader I found myself wanting to know more about Carn. Alone in the Nexus, isn’t it they say we are truly who we are when we’re completely alone...? Well... Almost alone.

Whoa, Carn gets shot at because he is mistaken for a monster? That certainly sounds anomaly-esque to me. I like to think that I get better with every sentence I write, if not every post. I noticed you progressing as well in this topic and thought I should mention that I think you have something great to grow off of. Carn is quite original in his actions, and he’s entertaining like nothing else. For some reason, I feel like you captured a really good ‘lighthearted’ vibe to the monstrous anomaly, and it blends really well with the character as well as the events that surround him. It can be hard to establish a good perception of your character with your audience when you are first starting out, especially when you have a character less-known or original.

Seeing a little insight on how Carn perceived his transportation here, was a little helpful for me getting my mind in the original character. This thought trail was left to the readers in first person, so I can’t help but to ask whether it was something to sort of... tease the audience, or just a little picture into his mind. I personally favor the way you do first person, because who doesn’t want to get into the mind of a monster? Terror? Destruction? Merely the effects of perception.

Anyway... Hope to see the first person in the future (as highlights?), I really liked it.

”I don't want to be stuck in the middle of a fight trying to figure out how to make a bandana now, would I?”

I read that as a banana for some reason. This made me laugh. *Insert Doctor Who reference here*

Carn has some great reactions WHICH I LOVE, so as an audience I found myself being entertained. He’s charismatic in his own way and conducts my attention well. It’s funny that you cater to the audience as Carn, I suggest DP’s threads in response to that, where he uses some good vocabulary, granted these are rather mature, it might be cool to see you guys interact -perhaps in DA then?- but I like it, Carn’s cool and I can see where he will develop his place more into the Omniverse as he starts to establish himself.

As for improvement, I might suggest double checking the flow of your sentences a bit, this only happened a few times at the beginning, but I found myself not being able to completely grasp the full extent of action that Carn was doing. Clarity can be easily helped with a little bit more description or just remembering that the reader can’t always know what is going on in the writer’s mind. I know I’ve learned this the hard way.

For some reason Carn strikes me as ‘cat-like’ or maybe a kitten. Yes, a cute diabolical little kitten. This string? Sure, I’ll play with it, but first, let me set it on fire. Ya, know? For the extra flare? To see someone so lively in the Omniverse is certainly a refreshing take on a character incorporated with fun narration.

It just occurred to me why Carn reminds me of a cat, it’s the smile of a Cheshire Cat.

Did Carn eat a whole buffalo ? Like all by himself? I want free food, give me the hook-up man! But seriously, I liked that you took into account hunger, because that makes the monster slightly more humanized, (and at the same time, Raw) as an already strong and distinguishable character might need for aided perspective.

All in all, it was a good thread, and a great start off post for the new Prime! Carn’s character is awesome, and I’ll just leave it at that.

Gloomy Town

I have to say, with the mature tag I wasn’t sure where the thread was going, but with the first obstruction of the forth wall that I noticed, I was quite amused. Some of the dirtier jokes went over my head, but all in all I found that you captured Deadpool’s persona impeccably.

Getting into writing and style, I’d say you’ve aced those too. You have a great vocabulary and have integrated a lot of ‘show’ into the feeling you want the reader to take from the action. This is a great skill to have and it makes the reader enjoy even the little things that you choose to describe.

Gingy has a nice role, other than just being a gingerbread man, he actually serves as a bit of a ‘normal’ compared to DP which emphasizes the confidence in the actions he displays, as well as the frankness of his dialogue. This works in DP’s favor, as it also makes him more noticeable, not that a man in a red suit isn’t already striking enough.

Throughout the storyline, I found myself chuckling at the things I knew, DP played off of Gingy well, as the perfect skeptic gave DP a bit more purpose.

All in all, Deadpool is hilarious, this was a great thread to show DP’s motivations, as well as lead the reader into his next voyage: Dante’s Abyss.

Hero Meets Unhappy Camper

Neal starts this off really well, using his senses to describe the scene as well as relating it back to his origins, I really like the tone this started off with and Neal has a very unique quality about him that I felt myself wanting to learn more about. Given that Neal is from earth, it might be cool to have a brief interaction with Deadpool (wooo second recommendation!) just because he knows things that other Primes don’t, similar to Neal. Their perspectives might clash on a few things though.

Lokarri’s interaction with Jonathon was quite entertaining, character’s like that can be informational as well as add any dynamic you want your character to be exposed to. I like Lokarri’s look (as well as his name, but I think I’ve mentioned that before) as well as his backstory. It makes sense as well as feeds into any questions the reader might have, I like that you also brought him to the Omniverse at a crossroads in his life, tragedy and purpose sometimes go hand in hand. Anyway, back to the story! Neal and Lokarri have an unexpected meeting.

The way they interact builds a good foundation for their communication. With shared food around the fireside came shared history, Neal and Lokarri exchanged stories as well as customs, Neal describes Earth in 2015 in terms that Lokarri might understand, and it sounds almost poetic, in a tragic sort of way. As the two reminisce a bit, I can’t help but to feel a bit of a romantic vibe -no, not that kind- but mainly just the sentimental feeling of homesickness. It was well put to words and I could appreciate learning more about both characters as well as where they come from.

HOLY CRAP! Action interrupts their dinner/peacetime and the ravenous wolves were coaxed in by the smell of pizza. Lokarri shows some kickass skill (expected of a Hero) and you described the action taken really well. I felt inclined to read more to find out what Neal and Lokarri would do after his injury, as well as to deal with the rest of the wolves.

Neal too explained his action and deliberation well, showing his hesitancy for his weakness with equal clarity as his next battle move. You guys really painted a good picture so that the reader could imagine what the two Primes were seeing, and how they reacted in the face of horror.

I like the post-battle dynamic, I really get a sense for each character and I like how they are both polar (Neal is outgoing and frank, whereas Lokarri is a bit quiet and trained) which are good reasons for them to stick together or meet up later in their travels.

Enemies Without, Enemies Within

I like the way the beginning trailed in, as though the reader was following the clues with Dobson himself. Even though he isn’t explicitly described in the thread, ie “black hair, authoritative personality” I feel like his reaction is enough of a tell for the reader to understand him. Dobson’s a cool character, and in the second post he comes off as a bit of an opportunist. His strategy skills are actually quite right, with all the primes gathered in one place, chaos or the worst could happen in the absence of the dependable primes and their power. I look forward to seeing how Whirda responds to Dobson’s desperation, as well as how she has changed/ evolved since I last read about her.

Suggestions: You’ve got a good thing going. I liked what I saw at the mention of Van Helsing and can see a possible association with Dracula in the future. I’m also interested in your future perception of the blight, which is far from over and quickly spreading to the Tangled Green. The thread implies darkness, even in a man’s soul, and I feel like Dobson has some up-and-coming importance.

Opinions? Hmm, well I think I’d like to see the conquests made by Shang and Atelos have some prevalent effect on the moors’ culture, or at least have some interaction with Whirda down the line. You guys are some strong, frequent Primes in the moors and it only makes sense that eventually you stumble upon one another at some point. Where that could be taken? Well, you could certainly strum up some more lore, (Shang even has a cool song!) inclusive of the Tarrasque.

You guys are the heros of the Moors as well as Darkshire (I didn’t forget Strazio! He’s doing a good job too!) and surely there could be some reminiscent leaks of Diablo from the Black Gate (that’s where I had Gildarts start to trace back to, and I strived to create an implied connection to the Blight’s origins in a small reference of it before he directly wandered into a contaminated part of the blighted forest). I could see a lot happening between even the surrounding verses, perhaps the undead and the vampires have some sort of ... understanding, (the power of the undead backed by the unmatched strength of Dracula himself?!) and the Blight’s extent has a reach that finally pushes people from the surrounding verses to do something about it? Such as the elves of Tangled, who very well could be suffering as their homeland is conquered by undead. NPC secondaries should be highlighted in the lore, they are the ones who record the history of the adventures and are the ones directly effected by the outcome. Casualties, illness, and other things of that nature are created into a changed lifestyle. How they cope with it and their perception can reflect the subtleties of which direction their civilization will grow.

There are plenty of avenues to take establishing history in, and I only threw out a few connections from the more publicized topics/ the threads I have read, but knowing what’s on your mind could help too. Feel free to shoot me a PM, as I’m interested in seeing what becomes of the Moors, and might get involved after DA.

Four Tasks for the Chosen

Chosen already knows I’m a fan of his work, the way he describes the icy tundra is incomparable, and never anything but extraordinary. He uses vivid imagery to pronounce the depth of what we readers attempt to fathom with the words we are given. I'm sure this is going to be a good read, but I'll have to do it after DA.

Primordial Weapon
I hope to be able to read this one as well, or if it carries over to the next book club that’s cool too.