05-28-2015, 08:40 PM
(ONE DAY AFTER THE EXTRACTION OF DR. GEARS)
Dr. McNinja slowly came to. He was pretty damn sure he had three legs or something. Maybe that was an arm. Honestly, he couldn’t be sure. There was a firm weight on the small of his back.
“Dammit, Gordito…” Dr. McNinja grumbled, “What did I say about waking me up?”
Dr. McNinja wondered why he was saying this. He soon realized it was because he had delivered a supine roundhouse kick at what appeared to be the remains of a rabbit on a tree trunk.
“Oh, I get it,” Dr. McNinja thought, “The rabbit’s splattered on the tree because I kicked it there.”
He walked over to the rabbit and stooped over to look at it closely. Blood, brains, guts everywhere. McNinja thought he saw a rib pointing out of somewhere. Prooooobably dead.
“Sorry, bunny,” Dr. McNinja winced.
He stood up straight and stretched his back. It took him a few minutes to realize he probably shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.
“Wait,” he thought, “I shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.”
Nice going, doc.
He whirled around and saw the swirling purple tide that had suspended itself vertically. A portal, McNinja assumed. A time port-
Then it all came to him. Omni. Flying turtles. Charles Gears. More flying turtles. Darkseid.
Darkseid.
Dr. McNinja was now fully awake. Coherence rebuilt itself. Well, clearly it didn’t, because that sentence just made no sense. Dr. McNinja hopped lightly onto a tree and listened out for any sounds of danger. He got… way too many. He heard crickets chirp, and not in the awkward silence way, because this place was very far from silent. Birds were tweeting all around him, crying out their glorified form of booty call like they always do. Monkeys, somewhere? Shimmering noises, too, although in McNinja’s experience, that was probably going to be noteworthy in some way. A thousand rivers must have been flowing through the ground, like veins. With a great deal of effort, (the least Omni could do was let McNinja keep his super-senses!) Dr. McNinja managed to isolate the noises he was looking for.
Grunts. Groans. Snarls. Clinks. (?) Grunts.
“Oh good, I think I landed in a Tolkien book,” Dr. McNinja muttered.
He had heard what sounded like a whole troop of grunty-snorty thingies. They were speaking a language, clearly, because the noises they made to each other sounded like call-and-response. Maybe even a work song? That would explain the clinking he heard, those might be chains and shackles. Slaves?
“You wish,” the voice in his head chuckled.
“Yeah, no, those are weapons,” Dr. McNinja admitted.
He hopped silently, attempting to move closer to the noise. Several times, he wasn’t sure if he was going the right direction, because his hearing wasn’t exact anymore, (“Dammit, Omni,” he cursed) but eventually he landed on a branch overlooking the troop he was thinking of.
“I swear to God, we’re only missing a Frodo,” Dr. McNinja scowled.
In front of him was a legion of at least 20 orcs or goblins. He never understood the difference. Point is, there were a lot of generic fantasy baddies. They were, for the most part, shaded like an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. Their ears were clearly meant to be pointy, but they were shriveled and grimy, much like, well, an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. As a matter of fact, he saw a lot of similarities between these orcs and rotten avocados. That probably said something about their hygiene. Two of the orcs, sweating entire waterfalls, were dragging a small wooden cart. There was a wriggling potato sack. What a cliché kidnapped person. It was too cliché. McNinja almost wanted to punch out these orcs just for doing something so unoriginal.
Doc rubbed the handle of his katana. On the other hand, considering how much weaker he was in the Omniverse, he was not looking forward to another fight. He didn’t even have most of his weapons: just a katana and a flashbang he just figured out how to use. And that took hours of meditation. He needed to get the hang of this Omnilium thing soon, or this was going to cause a lot of problems.
He felt around in his pocket for the flashbang. He had just the one right now. This seemed like a good time to use it, if he were forced to fight. The formation of the troop was rather slipshod, as if they didn’t expect an ambush. That made McNinja’s job a lot easi-
“Meep!”
Clink. Shuffle grunt.
God, even their eyes were like rotten avocados. Now Doc was in the mood for guacamole-
Wait, how come he can see their eyes?
“Mon Dieu! * ” one of the orcs cried.
“Quel imbécile! ** ” another cried.
Dr. McNinja gulped. French-speaking orcs were the worst. They were all staring at him now. He looked to his right. There was a little blue bird-thing that he couldn’t really see because the damn thing flew away he was so screwed-
“Calm down, McNinja,” he thought, “Maybe they can’t see me.”
“Allonsy! *** ” an especially large orc yelled angrily.
“Omelette du fromage! **** ” they all roared at once.
Panicked, Doc could only reply, “I AM NOT AN EGG”
The orcs readied their weapons. Several of them had bows and arrows, but they didn’t even need them. The large orc, who must have been the leader, threw a titanic battleaxe at McNinja. He lightly jumped and dodged it, landing on another branch.
“Nice try,” Dr. McNinja chuckled, “But now you don’t have your weapon.”
The orc replied, "How can you be so sure, monsieur ***** ?"
He reached behind him, pulling another battleaxe out of his loincloth, and chucked that one too. Doc shifted his center of weight slightly to the left, and the 3-meter axe whizzed by within a hair of his face.
“Okay, you cannot have any more in there,” Doc muttered.
"On the contrary, monsieur ****** ..."
The orc’s grin became even wider. Suddenly, his arms started moving in a flash.
Axes.
Everywhere.
“AARAGGHLAGAAH”
Dr. McNinja slowly came to. He was pretty damn sure he had three legs or something. Maybe that was an arm. Honestly, he couldn’t be sure. There was a firm weight on the small of his back.
“Dammit, Gordito…” Dr. McNinja grumbled, “What did I say about waking me up?”
Dr. McNinja wondered why he was saying this. He soon realized it was because he had delivered a supine roundhouse kick at what appeared to be the remains of a rabbit on a tree trunk.
“Oh, I get it,” Dr. McNinja thought, “The rabbit’s splattered on the tree because I kicked it there.”
He walked over to the rabbit and stooped over to look at it closely. Blood, brains, guts everywhere. McNinja thought he saw a rib pointing out of somewhere. Prooooobably dead.
“Sorry, bunny,” Dr. McNinja winced.
He stood up straight and stretched his back. It took him a few minutes to realize he probably shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.
“Wait,” he thought, “I shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.”
Nice going, doc.
He whirled around and saw the swirling purple tide that had suspended itself vertically. A portal, McNinja assumed. A time port-
Then it all came to him. Omni. Flying turtles. Charles Gears. More flying turtles. Darkseid.
Darkseid.
Dr. McNinja was now fully awake. Coherence rebuilt itself. Well, clearly it didn’t, because that sentence just made no sense. Dr. McNinja hopped lightly onto a tree and listened out for any sounds of danger. He got… way too many. He heard crickets chirp, and not in the awkward silence way, because this place was very far from silent. Birds were tweeting all around him, crying out their glorified form of booty call like they always do. Monkeys, somewhere? Shimmering noises, too, although in McNinja’s experience, that was probably going to be noteworthy in some way. A thousand rivers must have been flowing through the ground, like veins. With a great deal of effort, (the least Omni could do was let McNinja keep his super-senses!) Dr. McNinja managed to isolate the noises he was looking for.
Grunts. Groans. Snarls. Clinks. (?) Grunts.
“Oh good, I think I landed in a Tolkien book,” Dr. McNinja muttered.
He had heard what sounded like a whole troop of grunty-snorty thingies. They were speaking a language, clearly, because the noises they made to each other sounded like call-and-response. Maybe even a work song? That would explain the clinking he heard, those might be chains and shackles. Slaves?
“You wish,” the voice in his head chuckled.
“Yeah, no, those are weapons,” Dr. McNinja admitted.
He hopped silently, attempting to move closer to the noise. Several times, he wasn’t sure if he was going the right direction, because his hearing wasn’t exact anymore, (“Dammit, Omni,” he cursed) but eventually he landed on a branch overlooking the troop he was thinking of.
“I swear to God, we’re only missing a Frodo,” Dr. McNinja scowled.
In front of him was a legion of at least 20 orcs or goblins. He never understood the difference. Point is, there were a lot of generic fantasy baddies. They were, for the most part, shaded like an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. Their ears were clearly meant to be pointy, but they were shriveled and grimy, much like, well, an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. As a matter of fact, he saw a lot of similarities between these orcs and rotten avocados. That probably said something about their hygiene. Two of the orcs, sweating entire waterfalls, were dragging a small wooden cart. There was a wriggling potato sack. What a cliché kidnapped person. It was too cliché. McNinja almost wanted to punch out these orcs just for doing something so unoriginal.
Doc rubbed the handle of his katana. On the other hand, considering how much weaker he was in the Omniverse, he was not looking forward to another fight. He didn’t even have most of his weapons: just a katana and a flashbang he just figured out how to use. And that took hours of meditation. He needed to get the hang of this Omnilium thing soon, or this was going to cause a lot of problems.
He felt around in his pocket for the flashbang. He had just the one right now. This seemed like a good time to use it, if he were forced to fight. The formation of the troop was rather slipshod, as if they didn’t expect an ambush. That made McNinja’s job a lot easi-
“Meep!”
Clink. Shuffle grunt.
God, even their eyes were like rotten avocados. Now Doc was in the mood for guacamole-
Wait, how come he can see their eyes?
“Mon Dieu! * ” one of the orcs cried.
“Quel imbécile! ** ” another cried.
Dr. McNinja gulped. French-speaking orcs were the worst. They were all staring at him now. He looked to his right. There was a little blue bird-thing that he couldn’t really see because the damn thing flew away he was so screwed-
“Calm down, McNinja,” he thought, “Maybe they can’t see me.”
“Allonsy! *** ” an especially large orc yelled angrily.
“Omelette du fromage! **** ” they all roared at once.
Panicked, Doc could only reply, “I AM NOT AN EGG”
The orcs readied their weapons. Several of them had bows and arrows, but they didn’t even need them. The large orc, who must have been the leader, threw a titanic battleaxe at McNinja. He lightly jumped and dodged it, landing on another branch.
“Nice try,” Dr. McNinja chuckled, “But now you don’t have your weapon.”
The orc replied, "How can you be so sure, monsieur ***** ?"
He reached behind him, pulling another battleaxe out of his loincloth, and chucked that one too. Doc shifted his center of weight slightly to the left, and the 3-meter axe whizzed by within a hair of his face.
“Okay, you cannot have any more in there,” Doc muttered.
"On the contrary, monsieur ****** ..."
The orc’s grin became even wider. Suddenly, his arms started moving in a flash.
Axes.
Everywhere.
“AARAGGHLAGAAH”
Quote:*Oh my God!
**What an imbecile!
***Let's go!
****To battle! (lit. Cheese Omelette)
*****sir.
******sir.
![[Image: 665000_mcninja_by_cavenglok-dch0qt5.jpg]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/3590/f/2018/193/c/8/665000_mcninja_by_cavenglok-dch0qt5.jpg)
Odd hours. Call for appointment.