05-28-2015, 03:44 AM
@Whirda
I really liked that thread there. It gave that kind of murder-mystery feel you would find in a realistic setting rather than a fantasy one. The makeup being left upon the Prof.'s face was a rather creative way to leave a clue, instead of the usual hair or blood. There weren't too many negatives I found, apart from grammar, spelling and format. I found that you spelled Karl's name as 'Karl Jax' rather than 'Karl Jak'. Whether this was deliberate or not, I can not tell. In that same area when the posters are being described, the italics were left on when it said 'they trumpeted.'. The final negative I found was you said 'footsteps' twice in 'As the recruit's footsteps receded down the street,'
I believe you made an awesome post there, and I can't wait to see what else Dobson has in store for us.
I really liked that thread there. It gave that kind of murder-mystery feel you would find in a realistic setting rather than a fantasy one. The makeup being left upon the Prof.'s face was a rather creative way to leave a clue, instead of the usual hair or blood. There weren't too many negatives I found, apart from grammar, spelling and format. I found that you spelled Karl's name as 'Karl Jax' rather than 'Karl Jak'. Whether this was deliberate or not, I can not tell. In that same area when the posters are being described, the italics were left on when it said 'they trumpeted.'. The final negative I found was you said 'footsteps' twice in 'As the recruit's footsteps receded down the street,'
I believe you made an awesome post there, and I can't wait to see what else Dobson has in store for us.
![[Image: pI1klOP.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/pI1klOP.jpg)
![[Image: oonLBas.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/oonLBas.jpg)
Quote:There is no way to train your heart to be invulnerable.- Lubbock, Akame ga Kill