Day One: Part 1

[Gilgamesh]

Gilgamesh yawned himself awake, he was just taking a nice relaxing nap on the most plebian bed he could find. He yawned and stretched his arms before letting them slump to the ground. His skin brushing up against the grass and the breeze flowing past his skin. Gilgamesh looked at the trees and the navy blue sky and he smiled, the place was so serene. A look of confusion came onto his face. Trees? Grass? Wind? Where the hell was he? He heard Karl's voice and he could imagine the game master sitting back and enjoying a nice martini. How dare he move the King while he was enjoying a nap?!

"DAMN YOU KARL JAK!" The King shouted at the sky, his voice echoing through the trees as he realized that there were forty-six other primes on the island with him. He stood up and noticed a black duffel bag next to him. Damn game...The King kicked the duffle bag and he heard his contents jingle around. There was something soft in there too.

“Hey ya’ bastard! Can’t a pony get some sleep around here you Golden Prick of a Bitch!” Gilgamesh’s eyes darted to his duffel bag which the voice had mysteriously emanated from. “Hey you Bold-Speeched bitch, open up the damn bag or else!” The King chuckled for a bit before looking at the bag with terror. His duffel bag could talk...and why was it so vulgar?! Gilgamesh leaned over and began to unzip the bag, his every move tense and his eyes wide. He opened the bag to see the standard living materials, water, food, a map, and a stuffed animal. He took a double take. A fucking stuffed animal? The pony was red and black and appeared to wear a mask. It’s lifeless eyes stared at Gilgamesh and he turned it over to see if there was some sort of radio.

“What? Are you looking for my dick? NEWS FLASH! I’m a stuffed animal you fucking beastial pervert.” Gilgamesh looked up in surprise to see the once lifeless eyes furrow and glare at the King.

“What is this? A toy that may speak?” He looked at the spite-filled pony with curiosity and a hint of disgust.

“I don’t like the way you look at me.” The animal somehow opened it’s stuffed mouth and chomped down on the King’s hand. Gilgamesh recoiled in pain, his hand slightly bleeding from the animal’s sharp teeth? The stuffed animal spit on the floor, ”Man you taste like an arrogant prick.”

Gilgamesh’s patience thinned and he grabbed the stuffed animal up. “Now look here you. I am the King of all Kings. I am Gilgamesh th-”

“Yeah yeah yeah cut the bullshit.” Gilgamesh’s face turned red and the pony’s eyes widened in confusion as the King brought his hands around the pony's neck.

“How dare you speak to me like this mongrel! I am the mighty Gilgamesh and you shall not insult me” The pony made choking noises before laughing. The King’s eyes widened with anger as he began to speak in comprehensive slurs.

“You know I’m a stuffed animal right? And I don’t like the way you're treating me. HEY! OTHER DA CONTESTANTS! Come here! Yeah there you go. Gilgamesh is on Row Two of the grid that you should have printed out and for the Column-”

Gilgamesh released the animal's throat and kneeled to match heights the thing. “No no no. Please. The King sighed and rubbed his brow. “If you are all the help I have, I’ll gladly cooperate.” Gilgamesh forced a smile and the pony began to evaluate his truthfulness.

“Now I definitely didn’t like the italics you put on gladly but I’ll accept your apology. Name is Deadpony and I suggest we get out of Row 2 so we don’t get roflstomped like Blackfire did.” Gilgamesh nodded firmly before picking up the duffel bag as well as Deadpony. The dawning realization that nothing the animal said had made sense had finally set in.

“What?”

“Oh I know we’re going to get along just fine you Gold-Plated ass.” The King nodded before sending another glare to the animal that lay in his hand.