A McNinja in the Omniverse

[Dr. McNinja]

"I will remind you," Dr. Gears droned, "that you must focus for several minutes for your Summons to manifest. I assume you still have enough Omnilium?"

Dr. McNinja sighed. "Yeah. This is the last bit I have for a while."

"Very well. Let us begin again."

Dr. McNinja closed his eyes. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the Nexus. Other Primes and Secondaries were whizzing past the pair, but as the meditation amplified, Dr. McNinja was able to ignore them. He felt pure serenity. Wind seemed to caress the inside of his head. It was a disturbing image, but it felt quiet nice in reality. It was soothing - and it felt like a gentle hand was coaxing consciousness to rest without sleeping. He was awake, but he felt asleep. He was alive, but he did not live. He was, but at the same time, he did not.

Dr. McNinja was jolted from this paradox. He opened his eyes and felt reality rush into his head again. Suddenly, thoughts about his friends and family flooded his skull. The wind stopped blowing, and was stuffed again with the thoughts of everyday life. In a state of slight delirium, Dr. McNinja caught sight of Dr. Gears, who was nodding.

"Excellent," Dr. Gears droned, "You have succeeded in summoning... what appears to be two chainsaws attached by a chain."

Dr. McNinja jumped to his feet. He laughed, reveling in his triumph, and slapped his hands on the chainsaw handles.

"Chainsaw Nunchucks!" he exclaimed, "I think this is the first time in my life I was glad to see them. Though I never figured out how to use these..."

He weighed the chainsaws in his hands. They were... considerably heavier than he imagined. Still, if Mongo could do it, why couldn't he? Well, frankly, he wasn't a super-ninja, but hey, who knows?

Dr. McNinja gave it a test swing. He was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to handle the chainsaws. With a few minutes of practice, he managed to swing them with great dexterity.

"Sweeeeet," he declared, "Alrighty, let's turn these babies on."

He tried to start them. He pulled on the string. He pulled on the string again. And again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again-

"GAH THESE ARE USELESS" he bellowed, tossing the chainsaws into the air to aptly display his frustration.

"Of course they won't work," Dr. Gears droned, "It was summoned using a limited source of Omnilium. You will need more in order to use these... chainsaw nunchucks as more permanent, functional weapons. You need more Omnilium. Incidentally, you have been harvesting the Omnilium inside me for quite a bit now."

Dr. McNinja blinked. "What."

"I just noticed myself. Judging by your reaction, it was clearly accidental. Though the situation is not... ideal-"

"No, wait!" Dr. McNinja interrupted, "Wouldn't that kill you?"

"Of course not," Dr. Gears droned, "Don't be ridiculous."

Dr. McNinja let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I would simply stop existing in the Omniverse."

Dr. McNinja flailed his arms maniacally.

"I AM SO SORRY HOW DO I STOP THIS"

"Doctor-"

"CANCEL. ABORT. CEASE AND DESIST."

"If you could-"

"STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE!"

Dr. Gears threw a punch across Dr. McNinja's face. Dr. McNinja held the cheek in confusion.

"How did you hit me?" he mumbled, "I... I should have been able to dodge that."

"Precisely," Dr. Gears droned, "Your abilities have been stripped from you upon entrance to the Omniverse. You must regain them according to the rules of Omni. And the only way to accomplish this is through the accumulation of Omnilium. And therefore, this is only a logical conclusion to our relations."

"Alright, fine. But I have a question," Dr. McNinja shouted, "I know you're an emotionless asshat, but how can you be okay with this? This doesn't freak you out?"

"Of course it does," Dr. Gears droned, "It is only a natural human response."

"Then why do you look so calm?"

Dr. Gears smiled. "I've done this before."

"Done what?"

"Died."

Dr. McNinja hadn't noticed before, but Charles Oliver Gears was slowly crumbling into dust. Dr. McNinja looked at him, eyes wide. He felt so... useless. He was brought here to do something, Omni knew what that something was, but there was something. Now he felt unable to do anything at all.

"I understand that you may be emotionally upset. And as you evidently noticed, I am not a naturally empathic individual. So I will say this, and only this."

Last words. Even someone as mechanical as Dr. Gears had to be sentimental in their last moments.

"You're..." Dr. Gears paused. Dr. McNinja thought he saw him choking on his tears. Suddenly, Dr. Gears coughed.

"Apologies," Dr. Gears droned, "My liver appears to have disintegrated, and the subsequent dust temporarily interfered with my speaking abilities. As I was saying, your chainsaws also lack gasoline, which would additionally explain why they do not function."

Dr. McNinja scoffed. "Of course," he thought, "This is the only way Dr. Gears was going to die, anyway."

What McNinja did not notice was Dr. Gears' true last words.

"Goodb-"

Dr. Gears was gone.

Dr. McNinja sniffled and drooped onto the ground. Usually, when he watched someone die, he felt weak. This was not the case. He felt power pulse through his arms, and kaleidoscopic lights billowed, almost yawned over his sleeves. Omnilium.

"Gasoline," Dr. McNinja muttered.

He stood up. He would find gasoline, and make the Omniverse safer, whatever that meant. That was the least he could do for Charles. The least.