(Pre-Show) The Lobby

[Deadpool]

The stunt coordinated by the man in a fancy suit sent the lobby into chaos. Media members stupid enough to go for the ‘money shot’ were, ironically, shot themselves—half of them left sprawled on the floor with fatal wounds, near ground zero. The prospective entrants smart enough to avoid the conflict stood frozen, semi-circled in front of their massacred peers, staring at the pools of blood and chunks of meat that remained.

As the man in a fancy suit slid into a wall of withdrawing soldiers—Syntex, Deadpool saw stitched into the breast of a vest—the mercenary’s cheeks elevated; his body tingled as a rush of adrenaline shot through his veins faster than Viagra would into a certain appendage. The man’s stunt contained more action in its brief span than Deadpools entire stint in the Omniverse thus far. And it was welcomed, like a much needed bath.

But his gingerbread friend’s visage did not harbor the same sentiment. “I-I don’t think this Dante’s Abyss is about healthy competition,” Gingy uttered with trembling lips. “That g-guy in the suit . . . he just had a couple dozen people slaughtered, for a stunt.”

”I know, awesome right?!” the mercenary replied as his eyes followed a drone wielding a push broom smear brain matter across the floor. He could hardly withhold his enthusiasm; this was precisely the kind of adventure Deadpool so feverishly sought since discovering what the Omniverse was truly about. Gore, outrageous characters, a mysterious boss figure, and (of course) a solid writer/author to guide it along—it encompassed everything a good adventure embodied.

Yeah, now that I know Alex is orchestrating this thing—the guy that beat us (really you, because you’re the writer) in the Ice Climbers event on AD . . . with the same character who just slaughtered about one tenth of the lobby’s population—I’m even more psyched.

Gingy slowly tilted his head to look up at the mercenary. “Awesome?”

Deadpool returned the gaze and said, ”Yup. It builds drama! Whos’ the guy in the suit?! What is Syntex?! So many questions left unanswered!!!”

“As long as my ass makes it through this . . .”

”You will,” the mercenary replied. His words conveyed much more certainty than he actually held in them.

The media sources that remained unscathed darted to the far corners of the lobby, hunkered and cradling their ridiculously expensive camera equipment. All except for one media crew, which tailed their mustached reporter through the bewildered crowd. He sauntered through using nothing more than his broad shoulders to clear a path; some people refused to move at first budge, but with a glance at the reporter’s burgundy suit they immediately made room for the man to advance.

”Ron muthafuckin Burgundy,” Deadpool murmured. The combination of pornstar mustache and outdated dressing easily deciphered into the words he spoke; Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy was one of his favorite movies, of all time (not so much the second film).

“You mean the guy that releases a news report every so often?” Gingy inquired.

Ron Burgundy reporting news for the Omniverse . . . greatest fucking thing the mercenary has heard since being snatched from marvel. An image of the anchorman leaning back in a cherry leather armchair with glass of scotch in hand—keepin’ the Omniverse classy—instantly illustrated in his mind.

”I gotta meet him. The dialogue . . . oh the dialogue!” Deadpool cheered. ”We could probably spend an entire post talking about Sex Panther alone!”

“What the fuck are you talking about now?” Gingy retorted. “I don’t know Ron much, but I doubt he would wanna be bothered by someone like you.”

”Oh, I couldn’t disagree more, my sugary friend.”