(Pre-Show) The Lobby

[Dr. McNinja]

Dr. McNinja shot through the crack in reality, landing painfully on his neck. He jumped up, took a moment to straighten his labcoat, then observed his surroundings.

He appeared to be in a lobby. Something about it reminded him of the lobby in the Titanic. The ancient but sturdy wooden steps were embroidered with long, elegant, marble columns, almost arboreal in appearance. Overhead, giant yellow and pink crystals hovered in the air, whirring with pure magical essence. Next to them were stationary engines that hissed steam and smoke into the air, and other weird machines that seemed to come straight out of Tron. These objects were surrounded by an ambience of flames. Not violent flames, but as if the dome of the lobby was one big fireplace.

Dr. McNinja quietly whistled as he strode across the carpeted floor. The lobby was, as of yet, empty. Dr. McNinja frowned. There was no way that nobody had come here if the prizes were as glorious as they seemed.

And as he thought this, he caught a man (who probably had more plastic in his body than a Ken doll) in a velvet suit, talking at an excessively large camera. Dr. McNinja raised an eyebrow. Was that a news reporter? Like an amateur one? Where he came from, news reporters reported the news by skydiving with no parachute, then landing on a giant bald-headed eagle. Was this the Omniverse's idea of entertainment?

The reporter saw him and approached him.

"Hi!" he chanted, "Ron Burgundy. Head anchorman for ONN. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

Dr. McNinja blinked rapidly.

"Um," he replied, "No."

Ron grumbled. "These uncultured- Okay, what's your name?"

"Uh..." the doctor cleared his throat. "I'm Dr. McNinja."

"Doctor..." Ron frowned. "McNinja?"

Dr. McNinja nodded. "Yes."

"McNINJA."

"Yep."

"Like McDonald's except with a NINJA."

Dr. McNinja rolled his eyes. "Don't talk about McBonald's. I... have so many issues with them."

Ron looked at his cameraman. "McBonald's?"

"Listen," Dr. McNinja interrupted, "I don't know who you are, and I would really prefer to not do an interview or anything, okay? So let me give you a quick summary. I am an Irish ninja with every single degree that exists."

"Like one might surmise, based on your name."

Dr. McNinja scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," Ron said, "You say that you're a doctor, and you look like one, unlike, I don't know, there was a Time Lord here once and he didn't look like a doctor at all. Your last name is McNinja. Mc is often an Irish prefix for a name, and, well, Ninja."

Dr. McNinja leaned in to Ron's face threateningly. "What, you think you can judge me by my name? Are you saying that all people with Mc in their names are Irish, and that all people with Ninja in their names are ninja?"

"I-"

"You are a racist, and I hate you."

With a haughty grunt, Dr. McNinja stormed off. He overheard Ron in the background muttering, "Omni lets anyone into the Omniverse these days."

He was about to turn around and act out 47 different ways of torture when he saw glasses of champagne nearby. He instantly got distracted.

"Hey!" Dr. McNinja exclaimed, "Champagne!"

He pulled on the mask under the nose, creating a small opening for his mouth. He poured the champagne into his mask, and drank it all nearly instantly. He let the mask snap back onto his face, and mumbled in appreciation, "Mmm, champagne."

In the distance, he saw a green orc-man-thing talking to someone. McNinja frowned.

"One of Radical's subjects, maybe? Or just a lizard-man. Those can exist."

Dr. McNinja continued to scan the weird lizard-man.