A McNinja in the Omniverse

[Dr. McNinja]

“My name is Omni. This is not the world you know."

"This is the Omniverse. You interest me, so I have made you part of it. The Omniverse is a place that reflects the wishes of those who are part of it. But! There are rules. I will explain them only once, so listen carefully.”

Omni handed McNinja a glimmering orb in which all the colors of the rainbow coalesced.

“This is Omnilium. It’s what ties the Omniverse together. Without it, you are nothing. With it, anything you desire can be yours. But you will need more than this. If you desire it enough, you will find it. You will find that using it comes naturally. Just think of what you desire most.

“You will not be alone in the Omniverse. There are others. Of course, they, too desire Omnilium. Do not fear death. For as long as you interest me, you will be reborn.

“That’s all you need to know right now. You’ll figure out the rest soon enough. I’ll be watching … and waiting.”

In a flash of light, Dr. McNinja dropped into oblivion.

~~~

WHOOSH
THUMP
WHACK

Dr. McNinja came to, lifting himself with weak arms. The shock got to him more than he expected. He helped himself up with his sword and turned around. He was standing at the base of a huge gaping purple wormhole - the time vortex. Besides the chronological gash in front of him, the rest of the world seemed pretty... blank. There was nothing around.

"It's just white," he muttered to himself.

Dr. McNinja walked away from the vortex and looked around as far as he could.

"There's nothing here."

He knelt and knocked on the ground. Nothing. It didn't make a sound, and the texture, the hardness, it could only be described as nonexistent. It didn't even feel like air - yet, the doctor could stand on it. He tried to dig into it. Of course, it didn't work.

Dr. McNinja leapt into the air, screaming.

"THIS IS SO BORING"

WHACK

Dr. McNinja went flying as something hard smashed him in the face. He slid on the ground, trying to regain his footing.

"Okay, now it's not so boring."

In front of him was a small legion of cartoonish turtles with huge purple wings. They had obsidian shells, encrusted with ancient magma, glowing at the seams with molten rock, and bloodshot eyes that seemed to shimmer with heat.

"All... hail... Darkseid."

Dr. McNinja scanned the intruders. Five. Okay, manageable.

He scowled. "You're not the welcoming party, are you?"

One of the turtles came divebombing towards Dr. McNinja. He tried to jump out of the way, but his legs were too weak. The turtle caught his leg and grabbed hold of it, and lifted him into the air.

"You know," Dr. McNinja mumbled, "I definitely remember being able to jump higher than that."

Resounding with a loud clash of metal, Dr. McNinja unsheathed his katana and slashed off the arms of the turtle holding him.

"Oh wait, maybe it's because the physics doesn't work here like it does in Cumberland!"

With three gory slashes, he was able to cut open two more turtles in mid-air.

"No, I'm still falling just fine..."

Dr. McNinja saw another turtle flying towards him. Since the turtle was out of his range of his sword, he reached for his shuriken. Unfortunately, he did not have any. That was irritating.

The turtle was charging right at him. Dr. McNinja, labcoat fluttering in the air, stuck out his katana in the general direction of his foe. The turtle slammed headfirst into the blade. The impact still knocked the doctor back, since he was not standing on anything.

"WHERE ARE MY SHURIKEN"

He landed painfully on the ground, bouncing a few times. After he finally came to rest, Dr. McNinja lifted himself and used his foot to get the turtle off of his sword. He looked down and observed it. It was dead and bloody, and despite the disturbing realism of it all, the turtle was clearly a-

"There's something wrong with this picture," Dr. McNinja exclaimed. "Ugh, this is gonna drive me nuts. Just like that time with Yoshi! Um... Uh..."

The last Paratroopa was sailing in the air. He tucked his limbs and head into his shell, and started barrelling, a turtle cannonball.

"I'm totally blanking! Just give me a minute..."

The Paratroopa was seconds from impact-

WHACK

Dr. McNinja casually punched the Paratroopa in the face, blowing the turtle back. He rubbed his knuckles.

"Oh, yeah! You guys are from Super Mario. That's why this doesn't make sense. I can't be fighting Paratroopas because they're from Super Mario. Wait, is Mario real in the Omniverse?"

"We are-"

"That's gotta be weeeird. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is Batman here?"

"We are-"

"Ohh, it's gonna be awesome to see my best buddy again!"

"We are-"

"I mean, he's not my real best buddy. But we all are friends with Batman in our hearts- okay I've never met him be quiet."

The Paratroopa let out a horrible screech. The cracks in its shell were glowing hotter and brighter.

"We... are legion. We... are Apokalips Paratroopas. All hail the Lord of Entropy."

The glowing was so bright it nearly blinded Dr. McNinja.

"All hail Darkseid."

"I heard you the first time-"

With a rippling boom, the Paratroopa exploded. Dr. McNinja dove out of the way, covering his face with his lab coat. After a few minutes, the flare settled, leaving nothing but an ashen corpse of the Paratroopa. Dr. McNinja coughed, then barely got himself up.

"I... should deal with that. Yeah."

He stood up and glared at the ash marks on the ground.

"Darkseid," he muttered.