05-09-2015, 12:36 AM
Round 2 Comments
Whirda:
Style: I pretty much said it all in my first round post. Your writing style really shined when you wrote about your created maelstrom. That scene was amazing and so, well, pretty to think about.
Realism: Dragging Proto out with a shadow tether - also a nice touch and your descriptions of injuries and fatigue spot on. I'm having trouble finding any fault in your depiction of the events following Round 1. Although, I will say this, I felt this post of yours was far superior in this category than the last - simply because of how fluently you described something that is rather complex. And, how fairly you did so.
Grammar: Uh, perfect? I'm not sure what else to say here. If you had any errors at all my eyes were straining to find them.
Cohesion: You set up the final climax perfectly. Essentially pressing reset on the battle with your Super Move and Transformation, and saying go on have fun with it.
Alain
Style: I found this second post of yours slightly harder to follow. However, as before, you kept your character consistent in your posts, to the point where I could almost imagine what Alain would have been thinking at the time - without actually needing to see the thoughts. The only suggestion I have is use a bit less passive voice next time.
Oh, and keep up that battle analyzing stuff. It suits you so well.
Realism: The depiction of the serpents and burning them off is a nice touch. The slight insights into your character immediately after the maelstrom also helped ease the tension in an otherwise chaotic situation. Thereafter only to add it back by slashing Proto apart. Simply, well done setting up one final push for Proto and Atelos to resolve things.
Grammar: Nothing really distracting. A couple errors and a little too much passive voice. In short solid.
Cohesion: Great job setting up Protoman and Atelos for the next couple of posts. Again the counter of focusing on parts of your character before applying them to the fight was a nice transition between Whirda's style.
Protman
Style: Pulling out all the stops. Your transformation, the attack on Dio and upping the ante into the climax of the battle really drew me back into the thick of things. Battles aren't pretty. Your writing highlighted that as it needed to. Nothing really confused me and again I got a rather clear picture of the happenings.
Realism: Oh, that opener paragraph so sweet. With the description of Proto's inner anatomy. And without a blink swiping through the roles of the other participants and simply what is going on still. Bonus points for roleplaying Dio's character quite to what I would except of him even in desperation: one last ploy of appeal. Also a few nice touches when your 'stats' were upped were great addition: "horrifying thud." Just a slight hint of how more powerful Proto had become.
Grammar: Nearly flawless as before. I feel really awkward trying to judge you and Whirda in this regard because I am really trying to find something to nitpick, and I really uhm can't.
Cohesion: Back to reality again and the overall spread of the final bits of the battle. The transitions between styles has just been remarkable throughout this entire battle. All enjoyable and it's hard to give any subtraction of a score in this field for almost anyone.
Atelos
Style: That line. That is all I'm saying. You know what line. Because, it's that line. Your second post is far superior to your first in many ways. But, that line. Oh, that line. I can't stop laughing. So, great; simply an enjoyable post all around.
Realism: Protoman did a number on you as expected in his transformation. I mentioned the part that I found most enjoyable above. But, realistically, that is something Protoman would have been able to do and I can't fault you for it in any respect. I felt the desperation in Hades' final words and throughout the majority of the post. And, by far this was the best in making me like yes you guys are seriously hurt, and someone will die if not all.
Grammar: Actually quite good. Nearly flawless this time around as well. Must have proofed a bit more. Well done.
Cohesion: A perfect finisher for the 'official' part of the battle. Leaving it open enough for the last few posts and resolving or at least hinting at the 'end' of the fight to come. I'm running out of praise for this field in this battle, so I'm just going to stop writing now and get with the results.
Final Comments: I want everyone to know. You all did an amazing job in this thread. It has forced me to nitpick in order to pick a clear cut winner, and I honestly feel bad that anyone has to 'lose.' You told a great story in the form of a battle and you should all be commended for your efforts in this battle royal.
Results will be in the next post.
Whirda:
Style: I pretty much said it all in my first round post. Your writing style really shined when you wrote about your created maelstrom. That scene was amazing and so, well, pretty to think about.
Realism: Dragging Proto out with a shadow tether - also a nice touch and your descriptions of injuries and fatigue spot on. I'm having trouble finding any fault in your depiction of the events following Round 1. Although, I will say this, I felt this post of yours was far superior in this category than the last - simply because of how fluently you described something that is rather complex. And, how fairly you did so.
Grammar: Uh, perfect? I'm not sure what else to say here. If you had any errors at all my eyes were straining to find them.
Cohesion: You set up the final climax perfectly. Essentially pressing reset on the battle with your Super Move and Transformation, and saying go on have fun with it.
Alain
Style: I found this second post of yours slightly harder to follow. However, as before, you kept your character consistent in your posts, to the point where I could almost imagine what Alain would have been thinking at the time - without actually needing to see the thoughts. The only suggestion I have is use a bit less passive voice next time.
Oh, and keep up that battle analyzing stuff. It suits you so well.
Realism: The depiction of the serpents and burning them off is a nice touch. The slight insights into your character immediately after the maelstrom also helped ease the tension in an otherwise chaotic situation. Thereafter only to add it back by slashing Proto apart. Simply, well done setting up one final push for Proto and Atelos to resolve things.
Grammar: Nothing really distracting. A couple errors and a little too much passive voice. In short solid.
Cohesion: Great job setting up Protoman and Atelos for the next couple of posts. Again the counter of focusing on parts of your character before applying them to the fight was a nice transition between Whirda's style.
Protman
Style: Pulling out all the stops. Your transformation, the attack on Dio and upping the ante into the climax of the battle really drew me back into the thick of things. Battles aren't pretty. Your writing highlighted that as it needed to. Nothing really confused me and again I got a rather clear picture of the happenings.
Realism: Oh, that opener paragraph so sweet. With the description of Proto's inner anatomy. And without a blink swiping through the roles of the other participants and simply what is going on still. Bonus points for roleplaying Dio's character quite to what I would except of him even in desperation: one last ploy of appeal. Also a few nice touches when your 'stats' were upped were great addition: "horrifying thud." Just a slight hint of how more powerful Proto had become.
Grammar: Nearly flawless as before. I feel really awkward trying to judge you and Whirda in this regard because I am really trying to find something to nitpick, and I really uhm can't.
Cohesion: Back to reality again and the overall spread of the final bits of the battle. The transitions between styles has just been remarkable throughout this entire battle. All enjoyable and it's hard to give any subtraction of a score in this field for almost anyone.
Atelos
Style: That line. That is all I'm saying. You know what line. Because, it's that line. Your second post is far superior to your first in many ways. But, that line. Oh, that line. I can't stop laughing. So, great; simply an enjoyable post all around.
Realism: Protoman did a number on you as expected in his transformation. I mentioned the part that I found most enjoyable above. But, realistically, that is something Protoman would have been able to do and I can't fault you for it in any respect. I felt the desperation in Hades' final words and throughout the majority of the post. And, by far this was the best in making me like yes you guys are seriously hurt, and someone will die if not all.
Grammar: Actually quite good. Nearly flawless this time around as well. Must have proofed a bit more. Well done.
Cohesion: A perfect finisher for the 'official' part of the battle. Leaving it open enough for the last few posts and resolving or at least hinting at the 'end' of the fight to come. I'm running out of praise for this field in this battle, so I'm just going to stop writing now and get with the results.
Final Comments: I want everyone to know. You all did an amazing job in this thread. It has forced me to nitpick in order to pick a clear cut winner, and I honestly feel bad that anyone has to 'lose.' You told a great story in the form of a battle and you should all be commended for your efforts in this battle royal.
Results will be in the next post.
![[Image: c7u9HTN.png]](http://i.imgur.com/c7u9HTN.png)