05-02-2015, 02:36 PM
Book club 3! Retro
Revelations
Kind of strange for me to be reviewing this so far in the past! I’ll do my best though to give advice but I don’t think its needed. This is a great story and has spanned some months to make. Vision and hope helped to familiarize the reader with the character as to perhaps make the many revelations he comes across a little more shocking or baffling. Magus has a great sense of style and has a strong sense of who his character is. As one will continue to read from his many interactions that bounce off of the citizens of Camelot (such as Abagail or the shrew at the library, as well as further in the story Lud) the reader can see that he has progressed as a character just in this thread alone.
The tale flowed wonderfully, I like how the pace is even, set and yet vibrant as it is described. First he’s awoken from his slumber in a strange place and next he goes to find a way out of the Omniverse in the closest way he can imagine. I think as the reader continues to get to know Magus, they get a better sense of what he is capable of just based on his motive alone. It’s noble, yet at the same time, his means grow even more out of their limits until eventually he gets into an altercation with some wizard guards.
If we back up for a moment, and pause in perspective we can see how perhaps the loss of his sister has effected him -negatively- but also it gives him purpose. It also makes the reader wonder ‘Will he be able to find her?’ ‘If he is able to, will it be from luck, power, or perhaps divine -Omni’s- intervention?’ There’s also an internal struggle that an audience gets a sense of when Magus really feels he can’t find her and refuses to summon her because she would be trapped as he is in the new world. I like the use of multi-layered themes integrated into the story and I feel it paints the tale with color; sometimes if it falls into place, a good man can become a monster.
The reader really feels the gravity of the obstacles he faces when he just wants to find his sister. He asks the Librarian for help and its mainly a dead end. A good loop hole was to allow the orangutang to write on paper, which I thought was a good addition to the extents Magus will try just to get a little leverage on his own situation.
I love the description of Minas Tirith and even found myself looking back on it when I was trying to come up with something for the bounty hunt. It was beautifully written and paints a picture in the reader’s mind. I liked it because it wasn’t just a bunch of words poured out, nor was it adjectives just used to punch the reader in the face, but it really was well-written and could’ve come from a book. Actually, it reminded me of a sentence from a specific one (read it years ago and it still stuck with me as that’s how memorable it was) but I won’t reference the name here.
Magus adapts to his surroundings, plays up the people’s army and ruthlessly gets involved in some very serious and intense crimes. Soon he is tangled too far to back out, and in some ways is wrapped around Lud’s finger. Which Magus is okay with as long as he provides results.
The torture chamber was shocking, Magus prevails as he travels through the shadows, yet had to endure a bit of a hammering to be able to do it. Magus tells the entire truth and yet is faced with people who have no reason to believe him. Later, the story falls flawlessly into place as the mage learns of Lud’s ploy in the people’s army.
Even as Magus is being tortured, his cause is respectable enough for the reader to get behind and have reason to want Magus to find Omni as well, maybe just to see what will happen.
The plot is inventive, dark, and thickens both dramatically and subtly when the reader least expects it.
When faced with a question of inevitable demise and there is no right answer, Magus holds his own with truth and respectably provides his motive for everything he’s ever done since he has arrived in the Omniverse.
The same purposeful reason allows him to kill another man, and finally he is deployed on Lud’s mission, which has its own pitfalls and risks. It seems like a stroke of luck for Magus to have met Lud, who’s essentially the president of the people’s army. Pres has a problem and needs a man to solve it. I liked the banter between these two characters, and enjoyed how somehow black was smeared to a dark shade of gray. Motives, life, death, and the balance between it all, each seem like an unimaginable immorality as men are either coerced or choose to become villains that don’t necessarily see they are doing anything wrong. Sacrifice for survival, feels like a motif carried on with the actions of the two men, but where to draw the line? How far is enough and how much injustice will it take for justice to finally return? Lud believes in his purpose and will act on it. With this, I think that the reader may feel the depth of it as it is displayed in the dialogue and as when Magus analyzes the stakes.
Lud reveals the heart of the People’s Army to Magus, to show him he means business and takes him to the new territory before giving Magus a mission: Arson and assassination.
The style Magus uses to portray the plot is really skillful and I think this allows the reader to feel the magnitude of emotion Magus must be going through.
At the cost of Heironymous, can Magus achieve his goal? Well, papers were sent to ash and its up to the reader to determine Magus’s real revelation.
A New Realm
I’ve been wanting to read more of Shang lately, so I was glad to see this topic in the retros.
When the first sentence makes an impact on a reader, they can sometimes get the feel for what direction the story will go, where the character will take them, etc. There’s a lot of strength and passion that is displayed with just a few words. The spacing was appropriate too for this, but I really liked how you started it off. Just those two sentences separate from anything else and I had to pause and think about what they five hundred years meant to me. It was intriguing, a great hook for the reader and snagged my attention humbly and effortlessly.
As for an introduction, I already knew a little about this soul-eating monk but actually some history included in his arrival was beneficial to my understanding his personality better. Some names I’m unfamiliar with add to the mystique of his memories, and then the same ‘five hundred years’ is repeated with new context adding an extra layer to the already thickened history.
I thought it kind of ironic how he starts his first sentence with an Omniverse citizen as a lie (I think because he was once a monk) and then was hit with the malicious intent of the soul eater once more. That’s one hell of an introduction.
Return to Coruscant
I liked the interaction with Adam as a good starting point for the story. Last time that I read Samus and Adam was when he was summoned in the library after Samus hadn’t summoned him (up until then) in the Omniverse. Samus does a great job at displaying the bond the two share, as well as in this thread gives an update with a little history regarding it, just incase some people aren’t familiar with the characters.
Style wise, I like that you give it from her perspective and at the same time hint everything in color of a ‘Samus lens’ she sees things that pertain to her and the many actions she takes have a motive fueled by her as well as what makes sense to her character.
I like how you give a vivid description of Coruscant, so far it has proven to be the hardest verse for me to try and describe, but you paint a good picture on the action and bustling business that coincides with the many integral relations that make city-living flow. Later, in the lower tiers where Samus seeks her bounty, theres a bit of necessary pre-action as it helps to display exactly what she faces below the surface: Danger.
Vitruvius painted a good picture of what had happened and how he come to be on the bounty board, I was glad for the update and new perspective of the murdered imperial solider was refreshing and added a possibly needed dynamic to the Samus’s pursuit.
I don’t think I was expecting Vitruvius to humble himself at the hands of the warrior. It was an intriguing twist that made the reader want to know more, it also gave a little more depth to Vitruvius, the murder, as well as Samus’s reaction to it all.
Samus is an admirable character, it was almost second nature for her to do justice and choose to aid Vitruvius even at the sacrifice of herself. What made it the most believable was Vitruvius was a new prime and had no idea the extent Samus was going just for him. It enhances Samus’s previous phone call with Proto and Harry in some ways because now more than ever does Coruscant really need help as it exiles its best.
The escape happened in kind of a flash, suddenly Harry arrived after Samus unleashed the missile attack and all hell broke loose. It was awesome and they escaped Coruscant in time to evacuate with Vitruvius. Harry helped in unexpected ways as well as gave them a good chance at leaving with their lives. I couldn’t help but to wonder, without Samus’s connections, she could have been in deep trouble. They all escaped... Happily ever after?
Revelations
Kind of strange for me to be reviewing this so far in the past! I’ll do my best though to give advice but I don’t think its needed. This is a great story and has spanned some months to make. Vision and hope helped to familiarize the reader with the character as to perhaps make the many revelations he comes across a little more shocking or baffling. Magus has a great sense of style and has a strong sense of who his character is. As one will continue to read from his many interactions that bounce off of the citizens of Camelot (such as Abagail or the shrew at the library, as well as further in the story Lud) the reader can see that he has progressed as a character just in this thread alone.
The tale flowed wonderfully, I like how the pace is even, set and yet vibrant as it is described. First he’s awoken from his slumber in a strange place and next he goes to find a way out of the Omniverse in the closest way he can imagine. I think as the reader continues to get to know Magus, they get a better sense of what he is capable of just based on his motive alone. It’s noble, yet at the same time, his means grow even more out of their limits until eventually he gets into an altercation with some wizard guards.
If we back up for a moment, and pause in perspective we can see how perhaps the loss of his sister has effected him -negatively- but also it gives him purpose. It also makes the reader wonder ‘Will he be able to find her?’ ‘If he is able to, will it be from luck, power, or perhaps divine -Omni’s- intervention?’ There’s also an internal struggle that an audience gets a sense of when Magus really feels he can’t find her and refuses to summon her because she would be trapped as he is in the new world. I like the use of multi-layered themes integrated into the story and I feel it paints the tale with color; sometimes if it falls into place, a good man can become a monster.
The reader really feels the gravity of the obstacles he faces when he just wants to find his sister. He asks the Librarian for help and its mainly a dead end. A good loop hole was to allow the orangutang to write on paper, which I thought was a good addition to the extents Magus will try just to get a little leverage on his own situation.
I love the description of Minas Tirith and even found myself looking back on it when I was trying to come up with something for the bounty hunt. It was beautifully written and paints a picture in the reader’s mind. I liked it because it wasn’t just a bunch of words poured out, nor was it adjectives just used to punch the reader in the face, but it really was well-written and could’ve come from a book. Actually, it reminded me of a sentence from a specific one (read it years ago and it still stuck with me as that’s how memorable it was) but I won’t reference the name here.
Magus adapts to his surroundings, plays up the people’s army and ruthlessly gets involved in some very serious and intense crimes. Soon he is tangled too far to back out, and in some ways is wrapped around Lud’s finger. Which Magus is okay with as long as he provides results.
The torture chamber was shocking, Magus prevails as he travels through the shadows, yet had to endure a bit of a hammering to be able to do it. Magus tells the entire truth and yet is faced with people who have no reason to believe him. Later, the story falls flawlessly into place as the mage learns of Lud’s ploy in the people’s army.
Even as Magus is being tortured, his cause is respectable enough for the reader to get behind and have reason to want Magus to find Omni as well, maybe just to see what will happen.
The plot is inventive, dark, and thickens both dramatically and subtly when the reader least expects it.
When faced with a question of inevitable demise and there is no right answer, Magus holds his own with truth and respectably provides his motive for everything he’s ever done since he has arrived in the Omniverse.
Quote:
“Why?”
“I want to find Omni.”
The same purposeful reason allows him to kill another man, and finally he is deployed on Lud’s mission, which has its own pitfalls and risks. It seems like a stroke of luck for Magus to have met Lud, who’s essentially the president of the people’s army. Pres has a problem and needs a man to solve it. I liked the banter between these two characters, and enjoyed how somehow black was smeared to a dark shade of gray. Motives, life, death, and the balance between it all, each seem like an unimaginable immorality as men are either coerced or choose to become villains that don’t necessarily see they are doing anything wrong. Sacrifice for survival, feels like a motif carried on with the actions of the two men, but where to draw the line? How far is enough and how much injustice will it take for justice to finally return? Lud believes in his purpose and will act on it. With this, I think that the reader may feel the depth of it as it is displayed in the dialogue and as when Magus analyzes the stakes.
Lud reveals the heart of the People’s Army to Magus, to show him he means business and takes him to the new territory before giving Magus a mission: Arson and assassination.
The style Magus uses to portray the plot is really skillful and I think this allows the reader to feel the magnitude of emotion Magus must be going through.
At the cost of Heironymous, can Magus achieve his goal? Well, papers were sent to ash and its up to the reader to determine Magus’s real revelation.
A New Realm
I’ve been wanting to read more of Shang lately, so I was glad to see this topic in the retros.
When the first sentence makes an impact on a reader, they can sometimes get the feel for what direction the story will go, where the character will take them, etc. There’s a lot of strength and passion that is displayed with just a few words. The spacing was appropriate too for this, but I really liked how you started it off. Just those two sentences separate from anything else and I had to pause and think about what they five hundred years meant to me. It was intriguing, a great hook for the reader and snagged my attention humbly and effortlessly.
As for an introduction, I already knew a little about this soul-eating monk but actually some history included in his arrival was beneficial to my understanding his personality better. Some names I’m unfamiliar with add to the mystique of his memories, and then the same ‘five hundred years’ is repeated with new context adding an extra layer to the already thickened history.
I thought it kind of ironic how he starts his first sentence with an Omniverse citizen as a lie (I think because he was once a monk) and then was hit with the malicious intent of the soul eater once more. That’s one hell of an introduction.
Return to Coruscant
I liked the interaction with Adam as a good starting point for the story. Last time that I read Samus and Adam was when he was summoned in the library after Samus hadn’t summoned him (up until then) in the Omniverse. Samus does a great job at displaying the bond the two share, as well as in this thread gives an update with a little history regarding it, just incase some people aren’t familiar with the characters.
Style wise, I like that you give it from her perspective and at the same time hint everything in color of a ‘Samus lens’ she sees things that pertain to her and the many actions she takes have a motive fueled by her as well as what makes sense to her character.
I like how you give a vivid description of Coruscant, so far it has proven to be the hardest verse for me to try and describe, but you paint a good picture on the action and bustling business that coincides with the many integral relations that make city-living flow. Later, in the lower tiers where Samus seeks her bounty, theres a bit of necessary pre-action as it helps to display exactly what she faces below the surface: Danger.
Vitruvius painted a good picture of what had happened and how he come to be on the bounty board, I was glad for the update and new perspective of the murdered imperial solider was refreshing and added a possibly needed dynamic to the Samus’s pursuit.
I don’t think I was expecting Vitruvius to humble himself at the hands of the warrior. It was an intriguing twist that made the reader want to know more, it also gave a little more depth to Vitruvius, the murder, as well as Samus’s reaction to it all.
Samus is an admirable character, it was almost second nature for her to do justice and choose to aid Vitruvius even at the sacrifice of herself. What made it the most believable was Vitruvius was a new prime and had no idea the extent Samus was going just for him. It enhances Samus’s previous phone call with Proto and Harry in some ways because now more than ever does Coruscant really need help as it exiles its best.
The escape happened in kind of a flash, suddenly Harry arrived after Samus unleashed the missile attack and all hell broke loose. It was awesome and they escaped Coruscant in time to evacuate with Vitruvius. Harry helped in unexpected ways as well as gave them a good chance at leaving with their lives. I couldn’t help but to wonder, without Samus’s connections, she could have been in deep trouble. They all escaped... Happily ever after?
![[Image: -Gildarts-fairy-tail-35651033-300-180.gif]](http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/35600000/-Gildarts-fairy-tail-35651033-300-180.gif)
"I have never met a strong person with an easy past." -Atticus