04-26-2015, 06:18 PM
Wow thank you all for the amazing critiques! They give me something to keep in mind for my future posts.
Snatched from Marvel
I want to open this up with a disclaimer, I don't like the character of Deadpool very much. That being said your rendition of him is fricken awesome. You've done a good job of showing the fun chaos that is Deadpool without side-railing the story for ridiculous/silly things. Personally I also like your use of onomatopoeia, it gives a very distinct "comic-book" feel without being too overbearing.
Honestly the only real issue I had was this little line here.
The fourth wall breaks are fun and cool, but this once felt a bit jarring in my opinion. Maybe it's the parenthesis or the abrupt cutting off of the sentence, something felt a bit off too me.
All-in-all very fun story, can't wait to read more of your work
The Last Avenger and the World of Omni: Raincheck
What a fun thread, many other Primes leave the Nexus in about 2-3 posts but you guys have an epic battle with an iconic villain instead! You guys kept the fight interesting without making it drag on for too long. I also liked the character of Hammond, especially when most stromtroopers are seen as faceless mooks, it's nice to see some personality from them. Honestly I thoroughly enjoyed this thread and the interesting mesh of PC characters. The only thing I would work on if I were you guys is grammar and sentence structure.
All-in-all I'm excited to see the continuation in Coruscant! Keep up the good work
Hopefully these helped you guys out a bit, I'm terrible at giving good critique.
Snatched from Marvel
I want to open this up with a disclaimer, I don't like the character of Deadpool very much. That being said your rendition of him is fricken awesome. You've done a good job of showing the fun chaos that is Deadpool without side-railing the story for ridiculous/silly things. Personally I also like your use of onomatopoeia, it gives a very distinct "comic-book" feel without being too overbearing.
Honestly the only real issue I had was this little line here.
Quote: The mercenary slipped away from Bob for a moment to check over by the creek that the group had fetched a couple of crawfish from the other da] (really, Deadpool had collected them, for himsel—)
Dude, I love crawfish. I hadn’t had crawfish since I went down NOLA, for Mardi Gra, and took body shots off of Kevin Federline.
The fourth wall breaks are fun and cool, but this once felt a bit jarring in my opinion. Maybe it's the parenthesis or the abrupt cutting off of the sentence, something felt a bit off too me.
All-in-all very fun story, can't wait to read more of your work
The Last Avenger and the World of Omni: Raincheck
What a fun thread, many other Primes leave the Nexus in about 2-3 posts but you guys have an epic battle with an iconic villain instead! You guys kept the fight interesting without making it drag on for too long. I also liked the character of Hammond, especially when most stromtroopers are seen as faceless mooks, it's nice to see some personality from them. Honestly I thoroughly enjoyed this thread and the interesting mesh of PC characters. The only thing I would work on if I were you guys is grammar and sentence structure.
All-in-all I'm excited to see the continuation in Coruscant! Keep up the good work
Hopefully these helped you guys out a bit, I'm terrible at giving good critique.
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