04-23-2015, 05:22 PM
Snatched from Marvel
While I am not a fan of Deadpool's randomness and the fact that he has rendered the fourth wall into a fourth hole, I did enjoy reading this piece. I am unfamiliar with marvel, but deadpool sent the tone quite nicely. Brooding, angsty characters, with a super powered narcissist enjoying himself at their expense. I felt that the onomatopoeia was slightly overdone, but I believe that the point was to emphasize Wolverine's constant use of his claws. All in all, I felt it was well done, and a good look into Deadpool's demented mind. Gingy was a nice touch, as well.
The Search for Power
The description, atmosphere, and actions were on-point. You did a masterful job of setting up the dark and oppressive tone of the Moors, showcasing the death and danger at every turn. The Moors seems like a collection of horror stories and nightmares merged together into one amalgamated abomination of terror. To be honest, the only point of contention I have with this tale is your dialogue, which felt stilted and forced at times. Aside from that, I felt like this was a masterful piece of work. Well done!
The Last Avenger and The World of Omni: Raincheck
Excellently done! Sasuke, you did setting the scene and progressing the plot. Although I felt that the Storm Troopers used some unnecessary profanity, which clashed with the initial world-weary veteran theme they had. Nonetheless, very well executed. I felt that Seraph's appearance was unnecessary in the thread, and that any prompts he offered were ignored. The interaction with Obito and Sasuke was nice, and I look forward to it being pursued in latter threads. Mami provided a mixture of comic relief and offering a relatively sane and unbiased perspective of the world. Finally, Lubbock. While your writing was great, I have just one critique. While the need to differentiate speakers is easily satisfied by colouring their text, it does not need to look like this. Pike some more muted tones in the future, please. Aside from that, stellar.
Needles Carnage
Well that was a jailbreak and a half. While I personally feel that you kicked a little too much ass for being level 2, I was swept along by your writing nonetheless. You displayed an obvious mastery of the written word, weaving a beautiful story in Costa Del Sol. The prison of Impel Down was made out to be an extension of the Empire's oppressive autocracy, but given some of the prisoners, it isn't wholly surprising. Your escape was well thought out, detailed, and had enough twists, turns, and betrayals to keep the audience interested at every point. While I kinda felt that defeating Usula while she was about to unleash world-ending magic is a little over dramatic, it did show that Gildarts possesed no small amount of power, and was very much inclined to use it in pursuit of the greater good.
In summary, WHY CAN'T I WRITE AS WELL AS YOU!? :orks:
While I am not a fan of Deadpool's randomness and the fact that he has rendered the fourth wall into a fourth hole, I did enjoy reading this piece. I am unfamiliar with marvel, but deadpool sent the tone quite nicely. Brooding, angsty characters, with a super powered narcissist enjoying himself at their expense. I felt that the onomatopoeia was slightly overdone, but I believe that the point was to emphasize Wolverine's constant use of his claws. All in all, I felt it was well done, and a good look into Deadpool's demented mind. Gingy was a nice touch, as well.
The Search for Power
The description, atmosphere, and actions were on-point. You did a masterful job of setting up the dark and oppressive tone of the Moors, showcasing the death and danger at every turn. The Moors seems like a collection of horror stories and nightmares merged together into one amalgamated abomination of terror. To be honest, the only point of contention I have with this tale is your dialogue, which felt stilted and forced at times. Aside from that, I felt like this was a masterful piece of work. Well done!
The Last Avenger and The World of Omni: Raincheck
Excellently done! Sasuke, you did setting the scene and progressing the plot. Although I felt that the Storm Troopers used some unnecessary profanity, which clashed with the initial world-weary veteran theme they had. Nonetheless, very well executed. I felt that Seraph's appearance was unnecessary in the thread, and that any prompts he offered were ignored. The interaction with Obito and Sasuke was nice, and I look forward to it being pursued in latter threads. Mami provided a mixture of comic relief and offering a relatively sane and unbiased perspective of the world. Finally, Lubbock. While your writing was great, I have just one critique. While the need to differentiate speakers is easily satisfied by colouring their text, it does not need to look like this. Pike some more muted tones in the future, please. Aside from that, stellar.
Needles Carnage
Well that was a jailbreak and a half. While I personally feel that you kicked a little too much ass for being level 2, I was swept along by your writing nonetheless. You displayed an obvious mastery of the written word, weaving a beautiful story in Costa Del Sol. The prison of Impel Down was made out to be an extension of the Empire's oppressive autocracy, but given some of the prisoners, it isn't wholly surprising. Your escape was well thought out, detailed, and had enough twists, turns, and betrayals to keep the audience interested at every point. While I kinda felt that defeating Usula while she was about to unleash world-ending magic is a little over dramatic, it did show that Gildarts possesed no small amount of power, and was very much inclined to use it in pursuit of the greater good.
In summary, WHY CAN'T I WRITE AS WELL AS YOU!? :orks:
Torcher of tomes, slayer of sorcerers, taker of ears, and flayer of men. Reasonable rates.