07-16-2017, 06:38 PM
Back where I started, at the Town With No Name. Right on the bandstand I started on. Oh, and there’s …!
“Pigtails!”
It’s the hyperkinetic neon-redhead who signed me up for the competition. Except she looks far less hyperkinetic now. Positively hypokinetic. In fact, she looks like she might throw up.
“G-God E-E-Enel!” she splutters. “That’s-” She looks around. “Wow, I forgot you’d be coming back here! Congratulations on getting so far in the competition.”
“Hmph.” I can’t hide my demeanour. “Did you know some of the competitors were doping?” I round on her, leaning on my staff.
She holds her hands out, taking a step back. “I-it’s true that items were permitted for this competition. If you had read the small print-”
My lip curls. “More cheats. I can smell the lies coming off your breath.”
She takes a step back and topples from the bandstand. Clearly she was so afraid, she forgot where she was! My anger can’t hold up under such stupidity. I laugh, even turning to the other, male Syntech assistant, who joins in with me. “SHE FUCKING FELL OVER!” I bellow, hooting and widening my eyes at him. His laughter burgeons even over mine.
I can hear the pigtail woman’s pained sobs. She probably really hurt herself!
Man … it’s the simple things in life. I clap my new laughing companion on the back and make to leave. It’s just then that someone else steps through the portal.
“Uh …. God …. Enel?” I hear a robot say.
I turn and it’s not a robot, just a human being with a robot’s job and voice. A courier. “The one and only,” I dryly respond.
He hands me a box. “Package for you. Prize for collecting the second-most objects in the competition.” My, it’s like listening to someone imitate a zombie.
I take the package and he vanishes back through the portal. I glance around before unwrapping it. There’s a small crowd of onlookers. “Get out of here, scram!” I yell, before opening the box and peeking in.
A fucking … a fucking …
“Oi!” I yell at my previously-gay companion. “The fuck is this?!”
He looks over, into the box, and snorts for one millionth of a second before catching himself. His face writhes like there are snakes beneath it and he responds. “It’s ….” He clutches himself suddenly before rearing up, the snakes wriggling as though trying to get free. “It’s a … a ballgag, sir.”
He turns tail and runs, at that point. Screaming. Screaming with laughter.
Come on. It’s not that funny. God.
I turn back to the box, taking the ballgag out. There’s a note.
Only lightly-used. Kisses - KJ
I nearly drop it. What the fuck? I stuff it back into the box and deep, deep down into my subconscious.
I need booze. I need booze and I need it now.
I make my way over to the nearest tavern, checking twitter as I do so. Where the hell are these guys!?
“Barkeep!” I call out as I step in. “Bring me whatever you have that’s most expensive, and get everyone else a round of whatever they’re drinking. God Enel’s in town, and he’s feeling generous!”
A cheer goes up from the whole room. Now that’s more like it. Soon, folks are going to know my name around here!
“Pigtails!”
It’s the hyperkinetic neon-redhead who signed me up for the competition. Except she looks far less hyperkinetic now. Positively hypokinetic. In fact, she looks like she might throw up.
“G-God E-E-Enel!” she splutters. “That’s-” She looks around. “Wow, I forgot you’d be coming back here! Congratulations on getting so far in the competition.”
“Hmph.” I can’t hide my demeanour. “Did you know some of the competitors were doping?” I round on her, leaning on my staff.
She holds her hands out, taking a step back. “I-it’s true that items were permitted for this competition. If you had read the small print-”
My lip curls. “More cheats. I can smell the lies coming off your breath.”
She takes a step back and topples from the bandstand. Clearly she was so afraid, she forgot where she was! My anger can’t hold up under such stupidity. I laugh, even turning to the other, male Syntech assistant, who joins in with me. “SHE FUCKING FELL OVER!” I bellow, hooting and widening my eyes at him. His laughter burgeons even over mine.
I can hear the pigtail woman’s pained sobs. She probably really hurt herself!
Man … it’s the simple things in life. I clap my new laughing companion on the back and make to leave. It’s just then that someone else steps through the portal.
“Uh …. God …. Enel?” I hear a robot say.
I turn and it’s not a robot, just a human being with a robot’s job and voice. A courier. “The one and only,” I dryly respond.
He hands me a box. “Package for you. Prize for collecting the second-most objects in the competition.” My, it’s like listening to someone imitate a zombie.
I take the package and he vanishes back through the portal. I glance around before unwrapping it. There’s a small crowd of onlookers. “Get out of here, scram!” I yell, before opening the box and peeking in.
A fucking … a fucking …
“Oi!” I yell at my previously-gay companion. “The fuck is this?!”
He looks over, into the box, and snorts for one millionth of a second before catching himself. His face writhes like there are snakes beneath it and he responds. “It’s ….” He clutches himself suddenly before rearing up, the snakes wriggling as though trying to get free. “It’s a … a ballgag, sir.”
He turns tail and runs, at that point. Screaming. Screaming with laughter.
Come on. It’s not that funny. God.
I turn back to the box, taking the ballgag out. There’s a note.
Only lightly-used. Kisses - KJ
I nearly drop it. What the fuck? I stuff it back into the box and deep, deep down into my subconscious.
I need booze. I need booze and I need it now.
I make my way over to the nearest tavern, checking twitter as I do so. Where the hell are these guys!?
“Barkeep!” I call out as I step in. “Bring me whatever you have that’s most expensive, and get everyone else a round of whatever they’re drinking. God Enel’s in town, and he’s feeling generous!”
A cheer goes up from the whole room. Now that’s more like it. Soon, folks are going to know my name around here!
![[Image: godenel_baronsig.png]](http://omniverse-rpg.com/images/godenel_baronsig.png)