04-10-2015, 11:52 AM
(I'll be claiming this week's Bonus with Gildarts)
Book club 12
Here I Come... The Start of a Journey
Gollum! I have to admit, the integration of such a well known character to meet Jack Frost was really cool. It fell into place during Retane's arrival and I liked how you explained what was going through Retane's head as Jack was being attacked (rather than just leaping into action.)
Retane's a cool character, as I continued reading I found myself liking him more and more with each description you offered. He's his own individual, a badass, and just plain respectable. He's the man, and I can see him holding his own in a battle against some battle-based characters (if not dominating.) Overall I like the character portrayal and think you do a great job.
At the beginning of the first post there was a slight problem with spacing but it didn't bother me much and it seemed to peter out halfway through.
As the adventure progresses, it was interesting to see Jack Frost, a Guardian, interact with Retane, a Namekian. There was plenty of action and engaging excitement as well as integration of the orgosynth (awesome to see it in action by the way) and I also found it interesting how you distinguished Retane with it.
Overall the thread was a nice read, I thought it was a good start for Jack Frost who is a fairly new prime to meet with a veteran. Both of you had great purpose when writing and stayed true to your characters.
Camelot's Alchemist
FMAB's Ed finally lands in the Omniverse! To be honest I'm surprised we don't see the use of more characters or secondaries here. I could see some of the homunculus making excellent villains even if secondaries are not their best form. It would certainly make things interesting if they were released throughout the verses and perhaps Ed had to find them all or something. I can even see OC's participating, just a thought though, I don't know your plans.
Right off the bat poor Ed was called short! It seems this may become a frequent occurrence from the common civilians of the verse. Later when he switched into gear and battled orcs in his first post after arriving in Camelot, my expectations grew. With all the different ways to portray Ed (even as we discussed the differences in the two sagas) I was eager to see which avenue you would take him down.
Camelot certainly does seem like a go-to spot for the alchemist, but I was surprised Winry broke off from Ed upon entering the city so soon after entering MT (it could be dangerous for her.) But I suppose Ed saw her trusty wrench in hand and had reinforced faith she would give anyone who was dangerous a good smashing.
The speed of adventure is fast paced and moves along well to avoid any stagnant moments. Next thing I know and Ed is on Dalaran and somehow fittingly, is working on making a school to promote his knowledge.
Shout out to that wonderful bounty hunting pair in the setting of the illustrious library.
As Ed met the scholar, Mark, it actually served as a very informational encounter both for those who don't know the series and those who haven't watched it (or read it) in a while.
Hellooo Dumbledore! An exciting meeting, Proto conveyed DD with a very intriguing persona! I felt it flowed naturally and was a fun read. Dumbledore answered questions Ed didn't even know he had, but the information was just as valuable. The topic touched on other alchemists, which was equally cool! Edward is now issued some cool options and it will be fun to see how he will pursue his adventurous quest!
Tarrasquing a Question
DIO even at your first intro post to the thread I can see how you have progressed as a writer. The post flows well and is very purposeful as well as somehow inspirational when Dio's charismatic character draws the reader and the others around him, toward him.
Not really sure how I'm going to format such a largely involved post but I think I'll start with a review on some writing styles. Because this is an expanded post I won't really say much that varies from the whole 'effect' unless I deem it notable or just happen to incorporate it.
Everyone actually flowed together quite nicely (which is a surprise considering the size), writing styles aside, they seemed to amply capture a decent ebb and flow of actions and various other balance mechanisms and maintain the reader's attention. No one style stuck out in a negative way and I feel that it can easily be said that each participating member was attentive and careful not to over provide.
Atelos, your intro conquered. I really liked how you -right off the bat- had a sort of brawl with Hades, just when I thought not much more could compare to something like that, Kuzan's next post intrigued me. Kuzan seems like a cool character and though I haven't gotten to him yet in my progression of the OP series, you bring an aspect to the character that leaves me wanting more. I liked how slowly his thoughts trace into memories and then trail into his history because it can't always be assumed that everyone will know most of the character's origins. In other words it was well done because it filled a void by answering the unasked question between the audience and its current focal point. I'd like to mention you used 'he' at the start of the paragraphs in most of your introduction post and though it didn't disrupt the post, integration of some other pronouns or such may increase perspective for the future.
There's no real way for them to know the scale of challenge that they are soon to face, yet Aang soon brings his light, airy presence to the mix as he confronts the Atelos.
As Dio and Homura trained, it grew interesting and kind of gave a different perspective to every pursuit possible when they would soon confront the Tarrasque. Memories were brought alive once more as the stories were shared even in the midst of a spar.
Alain's a cool character and I'm surprised (pleasantly) at the way he conducts himself, in the same way, as a pyromancer it is funny how he greets his fellow flamer.
It's interesting how carefully planned the posts are, and timing actually seems pretty good when the balance between what is happening at the manor and the scale of the trio's recon mission appears to weigh pretty well in action. In this case I'd say it's well paced.
Whoaa, Dio's a real monster! Poor Homura, all she ever wanted to do was kill Omni and go home! Needless to say this twist was interesting and surely adds a in a new variable to Dio's character and how it will effect the many stories to come. Judge me or not, this was actually my favorite part. Suspense was depicted pretty well and Dio's motive which made enough sense to even trump his means. Not sure if the "heartless" analogy fits in here intentionally but hey, Dio's a man with a plan.
Part of the reason I like his character could be accredited to how, to me, he vaguely reminds me of Vegeta (only on the more villainous side) and to me, Vegeta is a masterpiece. The other part I enjoy as I read your work could be accredited to how well done he is, even to the preciseness of an included gage of his arrogance implied in the posts via the perspective of other onlookers.
Dio later assembles the group, in a way hazes Atelos, and a discussion ensues. It is only fitting this post "Tarrasquing a Question" ends with the making of a plan.
Reviews and critiques are great and all, but I think that everyone who participated in this thread did an excellent job. I can tell you worked hard and coordinated your plans together to make this momentously remarkable, each of you should be very proud. Let's see who gets the artifact now... Shall we?
Book club 12
Here I Come... The Start of a Journey
Gollum! I have to admit, the integration of such a well known character to meet Jack Frost was really cool. It fell into place during Retane's arrival and I liked how you explained what was going through Retane's head as Jack was being attacked (rather than just leaping into action.)
Retane's a cool character, as I continued reading I found myself liking him more and more with each description you offered. He's his own individual, a badass, and just plain respectable. He's the man, and I can see him holding his own in a battle against some battle-based characters (if not dominating.) Overall I like the character portrayal and think you do a great job.
At the beginning of the first post there was a slight problem with spacing but it didn't bother me much and it seemed to peter out halfway through.
As the adventure progresses, it was interesting to see Jack Frost, a Guardian, interact with Retane, a Namekian. There was plenty of action and engaging excitement as well as integration of the orgosynth (awesome to see it in action by the way) and I also found it interesting how you distinguished Retane with it.
Overall the thread was a nice read, I thought it was a good start for Jack Frost who is a fairly new prime to meet with a veteran. Both of you had great purpose when writing and stayed true to your characters.
Camelot's Alchemist
FMAB's Ed finally lands in the Omniverse! To be honest I'm surprised we don't see the use of more characters or secondaries here. I could see some of the homunculus making excellent villains even if secondaries are not their best form. It would certainly make things interesting if they were released throughout the verses and perhaps Ed had to find them all or something. I can even see OC's participating, just a thought though, I don't know your plans.
Right off the bat poor Ed was called short! It seems this may become a frequent occurrence from the common civilians of the verse. Later when he switched into gear and battled orcs in his first post after arriving in Camelot, my expectations grew. With all the different ways to portray Ed (even as we discussed the differences in the two sagas) I was eager to see which avenue you would take him down.
Camelot certainly does seem like a go-to spot for the alchemist, but I was surprised Winry broke off from Ed upon entering the city so soon after entering MT (it could be dangerous for her.) But I suppose Ed saw her trusty wrench in hand and had reinforced faith she would give anyone who was dangerous a good smashing.
The speed of adventure is fast paced and moves along well to avoid any stagnant moments. Next thing I know and Ed is on Dalaran and somehow fittingly, is working on making a school to promote his knowledge.
Shout out to that wonderful bounty hunting pair in the setting of the illustrious library.
As Ed met the scholar, Mark, it actually served as a very informational encounter both for those who don't know the series and those who haven't watched it (or read it) in a while.
Hellooo Dumbledore! An exciting meeting, Proto conveyed DD with a very intriguing persona! I felt it flowed naturally and was a fun read. Dumbledore answered questions Ed didn't even know he had, but the information was just as valuable. The topic touched on other alchemists, which was equally cool! Edward is now issued some cool options and it will be fun to see how he will pursue his adventurous quest!
Tarrasquing a Question
DIO even at your first intro post to the thread I can see how you have progressed as a writer. The post flows well and is very purposeful as well as somehow inspirational when Dio's charismatic character draws the reader and the others around him, toward him.
Not really sure how I'm going to format such a largely involved post but I think I'll start with a review on some writing styles. Because this is an expanded post I won't really say much that varies from the whole 'effect' unless I deem it notable or just happen to incorporate it.
Everyone actually flowed together quite nicely (which is a surprise considering the size), writing styles aside, they seemed to amply capture a decent ebb and flow of actions and various other balance mechanisms and maintain the reader's attention. No one style stuck out in a negative way and I feel that it can easily be said that each participating member was attentive and careful not to over provide.
Atelos, your intro conquered. I really liked how you -right off the bat- had a sort of brawl with Hades, just when I thought not much more could compare to something like that, Kuzan's next post intrigued me. Kuzan seems like a cool character and though I haven't gotten to him yet in my progression of the OP series, you bring an aspect to the character that leaves me wanting more. I liked how slowly his thoughts trace into memories and then trail into his history because it can't always be assumed that everyone will know most of the character's origins. In other words it was well done because it filled a void by answering the unasked question between the audience and its current focal point. I'd like to mention you used 'he' at the start of the paragraphs in most of your introduction post and though it didn't disrupt the post, integration of some other pronouns or such may increase perspective for the future.
There's no real way for them to know the scale of challenge that they are soon to face, yet Aang soon brings his light, airy presence to the mix as he confronts the Atelos.
As Dio and Homura trained, it grew interesting and kind of gave a different perspective to every pursuit possible when they would soon confront the Tarrasque. Memories were brought alive once more as the stories were shared even in the midst of a spar.
Alain's a cool character and I'm surprised (pleasantly) at the way he conducts himself, in the same way, as a pyromancer it is funny how he greets his fellow flamer.
It's interesting how carefully planned the posts are, and timing actually seems pretty good when the balance between what is happening at the manor and the scale of the trio's recon mission appears to weigh pretty well in action. In this case I'd say it's well paced.
Whoaa, Dio's a real monster! Poor Homura, all she ever wanted to do was kill Omni and go home! Needless to say this twist was interesting and surely adds a in a new variable to Dio's character and how it will effect the many stories to come. Judge me or not, this was actually my favorite part. Suspense was depicted pretty well and Dio's motive which made enough sense to even trump his means. Not sure if the "heartless" analogy fits in here intentionally but hey, Dio's a man with a plan.
Part of the reason I like his character could be accredited to how, to me, he vaguely reminds me of Vegeta (only on the more villainous side) and to me, Vegeta is a masterpiece. The other part I enjoy as I read your work could be accredited to how well done he is, even to the preciseness of an included gage of his arrogance implied in the posts via the perspective of other onlookers.
Dio later assembles the group, in a way hazes Atelos, and a discussion ensues. It is only fitting this post "Tarrasquing a Question" ends with the making of a plan.
Reviews and critiques are great and all, but I think that everyone who participated in this thread did an excellent job. I can tell you worked hard and coordinated your plans together to make this momentously remarkable, each of you should be very proud. Let's see who gets the artifact now... Shall we?
![[Image: mqdefault.jpg]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yEac52Ck_1A/mqdefault.jpg)