04-01-2015, 02:34 AM
The Price of Freedom
I really liked the dark take on Pokeballs you had. The Trainer feeling attached to her, but leaving her in the ball... and how you delved into Punny's feelings of inadaquacy. Fantastic!
I'm not sure if you were actually going for Lopunny "thinking she's dreaming about her failures". It might be something lost on me, but it seemed like an awkward way to put it.
Most people seem to have their characters taken during a "down time" for their character, and I appreciate the different way you went about it with Punny. Right at her most vulnerable, and most exciting portion of her old world life, she got janked by Omni. Nicely done. And the fact she thought she had died was great too.
And then the surprise of the Gengar coming back to finish the job. No down time for ol' LP, eh? Got her dreams forcefully ripped from her head too. Nasty stuff.
Still stumbling across a few grammar errors. Nothing AWFUL, but enough to trip me up in the read.
I didn't go to the interim thread between the Nexus visits, but it was definitely nice to see Lopunny in a better frame of mind. You can only root for the girl with low self-esteem for so long before you start to wonder if she'll ever get some confidence.
Lopunny killed a guy. That was a surprise. Even if it was a pretty evil Gengar that seemed intent on hurting folks forever. I like how you handled her emotional response to it. Most people would have had their character go for a "rational" response. And while Punny TRIED to rationalize it, she was still deeply hurt by doing what she had to do.
I don't have much to say about your last post. It kept on with the good notes from the others, and improved on many things, but it definitely read as a "transition" post.
I really liked the dark take on Pokeballs you had. The Trainer feeling attached to her, but leaving her in the ball... and how you delved into Punny's feelings of inadaquacy. Fantastic!
I'm not sure if you were actually going for Lopunny "thinking she's dreaming about her failures". It might be something lost on me, but it seemed like an awkward way to put it.
Most people seem to have their characters taken during a "down time" for their character, and I appreciate the different way you went about it with Punny. Right at her most vulnerable, and most exciting portion of her old world life, she got janked by Omni. Nicely done. And the fact she thought she had died was great too.
And then the surprise of the Gengar coming back to finish the job. No down time for ol' LP, eh? Got her dreams forcefully ripped from her head too. Nasty stuff.
Still stumbling across a few grammar errors. Nothing AWFUL, but enough to trip me up in the read.
I didn't go to the interim thread between the Nexus visits, but it was definitely nice to see Lopunny in a better frame of mind. You can only root for the girl with low self-esteem for so long before you start to wonder if she'll ever get some confidence.
Lopunny killed a guy. That was a surprise. Even if it was a pretty evil Gengar that seemed intent on hurting folks forever. I like how you handled her emotional response to it. Most people would have had their character go for a "rational" response. And while Punny TRIED to rationalize it, she was still deeply hurt by doing what she had to do.
I don't have much to say about your last post. It kept on with the good notes from the others, and improved on many things, but it definitely read as a "transition" post.