Let's Read: Book Club #10, 11

[Dark Link]

Guu'd vs. Evil - This fight was a fun read. Both characters in this case were the kind that were a lot more powerful in their original universes, so I was happy that both authors not only noted this, but used the fight to highlight how they were struggling to cope with the limitations the Omniverse had imposed on them. Both roleplayers also seemed to have a good grasp on their opponent's character and made the combat enough of a back-and-forth affair that it was an entertaining experience. And while the other reviewers might be correct in saying that the posts didn't represent battle fatigue well enough, I personally was impressed that this element was as prominent as it was; a lot of fights I've read in the past had a tendency to barely even touch upon this particular aspect.

But while the content was great, the actual writing of both participants could use a little more work. In Gilgamesh's case, I feel that he needs to expand or at least diversify his vocabulary. I understand that it's tempting to repeat certain words and phrases and that it can't be avoided sometimes, especially when portraying something that involves a lot of repetitive actions and motions, but doing so too much makes for rather uninteresting reading. In the most egregious example, the author used the word 'pain' no less than four times in a single, relatively short paragraph. In the future, he should consider using synonyms or rewriting the sentence so that it doesn't feature so many samey words.

As for Guu, while I dislike to criticise someone's grammar (since I am hardly an expert in this field), she sometimes had a tendency to mix up tenses. In fact, I've noticed that this is characteristic of her writing in general. While a writer isn't obligated to use past tense, they should at least be consistent and stick to the tense that they are primarily using. Unless it makes sense in context, mixing up tenses will jolt the reader out of the experience and that isn't something you would normally want. Since Guu has asked me via PM to provide an example, here's a quote from the fight (the words in bold are in present tense):

He charged forward at shocking speeds, taking her entirely by surprise. She barely could make a hole in her chest with her malleability before Gil could make one for her. However, the sides of the weapon dragged against her skin as he pulls out, giving her various cuts and burns. Wincing in pain, her adrenaline starts pumping to the max.
Gil goes in with EA again; Guu leaps out of the way and starts running around, occasional busting out acrobatic moves. He starts swinging it at her from various angles. In one jab he barely grazed her shoulder. In another swing he barely missed her head.

But in spite of these issues, this was a well-executed fight. I found it particularly hilarious due to the fact that it started over something as trivial as a Twitter fight and because it highlighted the dangers of using your character's real name when posting on the Dataverse (something that almost no roleplayer has noted as a potential issue).

Ice to see you - This is a short thread and from an experienced writer to boot, so there isn't much to say. I liked the depiction of how the elements were slowly wearing Link down and how this made him completely ill-prepared for the fight against the trolls. It was also nice to see Shade playing an active role in the events and that he wasn't merely relegated to the usual role of spiritual guide. Lastly, I have to praise how the author is able to write in a very compelling manner without using a lot of complicated or obscure terms; it makes the story very easy to read.

So, overall, a great thread so far. I'm quite curious to see where it will go from here.