Let's Read: Book Club #10, 11

[Proto Man]

Guu’d vs Evil

Ahahaha, I just want to say that it amuses me that a fight broke out over the Omniverse equivalent of internet trolling. That said I appreciated the appropriate build-up that preceded the fight. As for the actual fight itself, I was left pretty entertained the entire time. You guys both did an excellent job of meshing your styles in a way where I probably could have copy-pasted this into MS word without the separators and felt as if I was reading a coherent narrative.

That said, I’d recommend making sure to give everything a second glance-through to try and catch tricky grammatical stuff (I say this because I am well-aware that I am far more sensitive to this stuff). I’m not a fan of tense and narrative switches, so that also kind of pulled me back a little as a reader.

I do want to echo what Sarah said about fatigue and writing in weariness and whatnot. There were glimpses of this, but I didn’t really sense any sort of ultimate desperation, especially considering how heated the build-up to this was, particularly from Gilgamesh’s side. I think this is because, while the characters have animosity, neither of their writers appears really out to prove anything (probably as you’re both chums).

All in all, though, I liked the fight, and while I have areas where I could be more critical, I think you both did a nice job meshing together, which I think is an outgrowth of the earlier point I made. While I think it appropriate that no one died, I thought the ending was a bit weird with Guu sending Gil away on a summoned horse. Maybe Guu is overly nice – all I have is her trolling on the Dataverse (and Baby Steps) to go off of – but I think I would have liked a little more satisfaction… or maybe I’m just bloodthirsty and wanted that to end with a child curb-stomping a gold-plated egomaniac <_<

You guys are both fun to read and are both showing a great deal of growth. I look forward to watching your endeavors in your respective verses.