03-20-2015, 07:24 PM
Book club 11!!
Hope no one minds of I post this a bit early, I have some deadlines to meet at the end of next week and will only be able to focus on my pursuit rp with TBG. Buuuut I
Made some blurbs:
Nak Nak Nak- Adam, Crona, Sivo, Mako and Jon adventure into Coruscant where Ragnarok and a friendly lizard with the name of Nakworth appear. The new Primes take in the setting they become aquatinted with one another as well as experience their new world.. The Omniverse.
Guu'd Verses Evil- In this epic showdown two Primes square off in a thrilling encounter as they test their fates. An evil tyrant and a good Guu clash in one of the most riveting battles the Omniverse has ever seen.
Ice to see you-Link returns! And this time his adventures take him to the frozen fields where he meets ice trolls, a dwarf and a mystery that demands to be unraveled.
The Cure- Protoman and Whirda team up to travel the Pale Moors to defeat a Blight causing Archdemon (C'mon you know that sounds awesome) as they fight their own demons as well.
____
Nak Nak Nak
New Primes! Welcome to the spotlight, Coruscant is a technologically crazy part of the Omniverse. As the three interact and later Sivo enters and Mako as well, into the many peculiarities of an unknown universe. It grows more and more interesting as each individual character taking it their own way, or having trouble dealing with it, adventures into the unknown.
There was no lack of imagination as the many characters join together into a mutual camaraderie of Primes, particularly Jon and Crona.
The encounter with Sivo and Mako I felt like picked up the pace a bit and helped the characters get their bearings. And the two are actually exciting back to back because they are rather polar beings. Mako was really amusing when she thought she would pilot the 'robot.'
I liked everyone's reactions to the world for the uniqueness involved and the differences between the worlds they originated from were quite evident. Also everyone had a great use of description when they conveyed their characters.
Admittedly I don't know a lot about the characters (good thing for character templates) except Crona from Soul Eater, and some insight definitely helped me understand them better.
As each character continues to establish themselves in the Omniverse, I'll be excited to see which verses they will branch out to and where their adventures will take them!
Something I've found that helps characters progress fluently is that they find a goal and aim for it. A quest or storyline might be helpful to your characters or like you are currently doing, a battle!
The Cure
Excellent OP Proto, I really enjoyed it and your great writing skills that continued. It gave a good basis for the start of their adventure and a nice introduction to Whirda for the following post.
Whirda I really like your descriptive use of imagery, it was really fulfilling and the attention and care you put into your writing really shows.
Each of your writing styles are complementary to one another and I adored reading the character interaction. I found myself growing eager with anticipation to see where their story would take them.
You both display sensory very well in your writing which helps build a foundation for the reader's ideation and this causes the action to be more emphasized and also very realistic.
There's a great use of vocabulary, never a dull moment even in the fundamentals of sentence structure and the accuracy is very precise and makes for an inclusive story.
Nice integration of the Tarrasque too, with no shortage of monsters in the Pale Moors it's only logical that people would know of possibly the most catastrophic creatures of them all.
Whoa. The phone call really gave some perspective on Protoman and how much he has to deal with. It was really cool how inclusive that singular phonecall was. And how the lack of information could potentially hurt him. I'll be eager to see who is spun as the thief.
Oo, is this two groups going up against the Tarrasque ? Kind of exciting! Who will get there first? Will they unite?
Review: I really enjoyed the thread and I like your vivid uses of imagery and sensory perspectives. You are both wonderful writers so keep up the good work! And I hope they find the Cure.
Guu'd V. Evil
Wow! I was so excited to see this in book club and I can't wait to relive the action again.
First off, I want to say just how good a time I had reading it the first time. The last book clubs have had some really great story nominations and I want to let everyone know just how good a job they have done and how impressed I am at how much everyone is growing.
Guu, you started out this topic really well, I felt as though it all fell into place because the foundation on which it started was done really well. I liked reading about the jail and just the small details helped the story grow into a greater picture as well as gave some insight on how Guu was feeling.
Throughout the fight I loved how innovative it was, and how true you two remained to your characters (in contrast to a character might that may loose themselves in the flight and act uncharacteristically). Both characters bantered well and I thought Guu's nickname as bubblegum was hilarious and adorable at the same time.
As far as dialogue, I thought that was done very well, and I feel like the small details and the spacing and bold Gilgamesh used was done well and helped to separate movement/ attack/defense and all things fight oriented helped with clarity. I wasn't confused or didn't have to re-read to know what was going on.
The fight played out rather well and I thought that it felt pretty natural, nothing was far fetched and everything seemed fair.
You captured something that I call a "Static/Dynamic balance" rather well (not as in static character). No, there's no conductible metals around (except Gil's golden suit) but this static is the relationship between the two who are battling, how it is displayed and conducted. Sure there are a couple of other variables but my main point is that both characters had me cheering them on (despite possible motives). There was no one overwhelming post, the pacing was effective and this balanced the battle as well.
As for improvement suggestions, I'd suggest just a bit more diversity in wording for Gilgamesh's later posts. Stylistically I really enjoy your writing and I think you described what was going on with great clarity.
Though settings can be plain, I would have thought some integration of it during the fight would have made the challenge against one another seem more enhanced. If you look at Ganondorf's battle with android Eighteen, you'll see that even in the empty and desolate desert sand was thrown into the eyes of the opponent. I like things like that because it makes the battle seem more realistic and dynamic. To your favor you did incorporate and mention the terrain as far as the citizens who watched the battle.
Both of you, I encourage to go above and beyond your limits as you grow into the best writers you can be.
Ice to See You
The battle thread above wasn't the only one I was excited to see in this week's book club. Having read some of Link's earlier works (particularly Camelot) and being intrigued by how the character was portrayed, I was glad to see you had returned and pleasantly surprised to see that you went to the frozen fields!
I'm not sure what it is about how you display the character that makes him such an intrigue to me, but every time I read the storylines I don't want to put it down. Good news is, I don't have to!
The integration of the future Link was really cool, I found that Link having a future companion of himself actually carries the story rather well and adds elemental tones/layers of mystique to Link's character. I like that he always has a mission and is iconic as a hero figure when he risks his life to save the dwarf, that's what makes him a great character.
Haha I got caught in a small bout of laughter when the dwarf finally woke up and then asked 'who's we?'
"Oh, uh.. My.. Swords?" Priceless, just the way I imagined it was hilarious and added a smudge of humor to the post.
Throughout the dwarf and link's discussion I didn't feel any force or friction, the dialogue flowed between the prime and NPC well. You always use a nice and diverse vocabulary and I feel like it helps the rp and keep it fresh (like when Link waited days on end) and I thought it was worth mentioning too.
An excellent tale and it still continues!
Will Link find what he's searching for? Or will he find more than what he bargained for?
For the next book club I'd like to nominate Retane's "Hello Stranga' Malefactor Quest" in Coruscant. <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://omniverse-rpg.com/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1722">viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1722</a><!-- l -->
Hope no one minds of I post this a bit early, I have some deadlines to meet at the end of next week and will only be able to focus on my pursuit rp with TBG. Buuuut I
Made some blurbs:
Nak Nak Nak- Adam, Crona, Sivo, Mako and Jon adventure into Coruscant where Ragnarok and a friendly lizard with the name of Nakworth appear. The new Primes take in the setting they become aquatinted with one another as well as experience their new world.. The Omniverse.
Guu'd Verses Evil- In this epic showdown two Primes square off in a thrilling encounter as they test their fates. An evil tyrant and a good Guu clash in one of the most riveting battles the Omniverse has ever seen.
Ice to see you-Link returns! And this time his adventures take him to the frozen fields where he meets ice trolls, a dwarf and a mystery that demands to be unraveled.
The Cure- Protoman and Whirda team up to travel the Pale Moors to defeat a Blight causing Archdemon (C'mon you know that sounds awesome) as they fight their own demons as well.
____
Nak Nak Nak
New Primes! Welcome to the spotlight, Coruscant is a technologically crazy part of the Omniverse. As the three interact and later Sivo enters and Mako as well, into the many peculiarities of an unknown universe. It grows more and more interesting as each individual character taking it their own way, or having trouble dealing with it, adventures into the unknown.
There was no lack of imagination as the many characters join together into a mutual camaraderie of Primes, particularly Jon and Crona.
The encounter with Sivo and Mako I felt like picked up the pace a bit and helped the characters get their bearings. And the two are actually exciting back to back because they are rather polar beings. Mako was really amusing when she thought she would pilot the 'robot.'
I liked everyone's reactions to the world for the uniqueness involved and the differences between the worlds they originated from were quite evident. Also everyone had a great use of description when they conveyed their characters.
Admittedly I don't know a lot about the characters (good thing for character templates) except Crona from Soul Eater, and some insight definitely helped me understand them better.
As each character continues to establish themselves in the Omniverse, I'll be excited to see which verses they will branch out to and where their adventures will take them!
Something I've found that helps characters progress fluently is that they find a goal and aim for it. A quest or storyline might be helpful to your characters or like you are currently doing, a battle!
The Cure
Excellent OP Proto, I really enjoyed it and your great writing skills that continued. It gave a good basis for the start of their adventure and a nice introduction to Whirda for the following post.
Whirda I really like your descriptive use of imagery, it was really fulfilling and the attention and care you put into your writing really shows.
Each of your writing styles are complementary to one another and I adored reading the character interaction. I found myself growing eager with anticipation to see where their story would take them.
You both display sensory very well in your writing which helps build a foundation for the reader's ideation and this causes the action to be more emphasized and also very realistic.
There's a great use of vocabulary, never a dull moment even in the fundamentals of sentence structure and the accuracy is very precise and makes for an inclusive story.
Nice integration of the Tarrasque too, with no shortage of monsters in the Pale Moors it's only logical that people would know of possibly the most catastrophic creatures of them all.
Whoa. The phone call really gave some perspective on Protoman and how much he has to deal with. It was really cool how inclusive that singular phonecall was. And how the lack of information could potentially hurt him. I'll be eager to see who is spun as the thief.
Oo, is this two groups going up against the Tarrasque ? Kind of exciting! Who will get there first? Will they unite?
Review: I really enjoyed the thread and I like your vivid uses of imagery and sensory perspectives. You are both wonderful writers so keep up the good work! And I hope they find the Cure.
Guu'd V. Evil
Wow! I was so excited to see this in book club and I can't wait to relive the action again.
First off, I want to say just how good a time I had reading it the first time. The last book clubs have had some really great story nominations and I want to let everyone know just how good a job they have done and how impressed I am at how much everyone is growing.
Guu, you started out this topic really well, I felt as though it all fell into place because the foundation on which it started was done really well. I liked reading about the jail and just the small details helped the story grow into a greater picture as well as gave some insight on how Guu was feeling.
Throughout the fight I loved how innovative it was, and how true you two remained to your characters (in contrast to a character might that may loose themselves in the flight and act uncharacteristically). Both characters bantered well and I thought Guu's nickname as bubblegum was hilarious and adorable at the same time.
As far as dialogue, I thought that was done very well, and I feel like the small details and the spacing and bold Gilgamesh used was done well and helped to separate movement/ attack/defense and all things fight oriented helped with clarity. I wasn't confused or didn't have to re-read to know what was going on.
The fight played out rather well and I thought that it felt pretty natural, nothing was far fetched and everything seemed fair.
You captured something that I call a "Static/Dynamic balance" rather well (not as in static character). No, there's no conductible metals around (except Gil's golden suit) but this static is the relationship between the two who are battling, how it is displayed and conducted. Sure there are a couple of other variables but my main point is that both characters had me cheering them on (despite possible motives). There was no one overwhelming post, the pacing was effective and this balanced the battle as well.
As for improvement suggestions, I'd suggest just a bit more diversity in wording for Gilgamesh's later posts. Stylistically I really enjoy your writing and I think you described what was going on with great clarity.
Though settings can be plain, I would have thought some integration of it during the fight would have made the challenge against one another seem more enhanced. If you look at Ganondorf's battle with android Eighteen, you'll see that even in the empty and desolate desert sand was thrown into the eyes of the opponent. I like things like that because it makes the battle seem more realistic and dynamic. To your favor you did incorporate and mention the terrain as far as the citizens who watched the battle.
Both of you, I encourage to go above and beyond your limits as you grow into the best writers you can be.
Ice to See You
The battle thread above wasn't the only one I was excited to see in this week's book club. Having read some of Link's earlier works (particularly Camelot) and being intrigued by how the character was portrayed, I was glad to see you had returned and pleasantly surprised to see that you went to the frozen fields!
I'm not sure what it is about how you display the character that makes him such an intrigue to me, but every time I read the storylines I don't want to put it down. Good news is, I don't have to!
The integration of the future Link was really cool, I found that Link having a future companion of himself actually carries the story rather well and adds elemental tones/layers of mystique to Link's character. I like that he always has a mission and is iconic as a hero figure when he risks his life to save the dwarf, that's what makes him a great character.
Haha I got caught in a small bout of laughter when the dwarf finally woke up and then asked 'who's we?'
"Oh, uh.. My.. Swords?" Priceless, just the way I imagined it was hilarious and added a smudge of humor to the post.
Throughout the dwarf and link's discussion I didn't feel any force or friction, the dialogue flowed between the prime and NPC well. You always use a nice and diverse vocabulary and I feel like it helps the rp and keep it fresh (like when Link waited days on end) and I thought it was worth mentioning too.
An excellent tale and it still continues!
Will Link find what he's searching for? Or will he find more than what he bargained for?
For the next book club I'd like to nominate Retane's "Hello Stranga' Malefactor Quest" in Coruscant. <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://omniverse-rpg.com/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1722">viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1722</a><!-- l -->
![[Image: mqdefault.jpg]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yEac52Ck_1A/mqdefault.jpg)