02-28-2015, 05:28 PM
Given I'm in the topics present it's only fitting that I participate.
Monster Meets King: Eudocia and Gilgamesh both wrote really well in this. I can see a strong synergy between the characters that plays out really well. In fact, if anything, I'd say that the synergies between them being too strong off the bat was the biggest weakness in this thread. From the very first moment they spoke I felt like they had already known each other for a bit. As the thread goes on though, this issue disappears and it becomes clearer and clearer why the two would chose to work together. Overall, the thread is an excellent organic way to have two characters meet and establish the origins of a kingdom.
The other issue I had is that Gil somehow managed to use King as much as I use Dio, and we both know that's a problem.
The final issue I had with the post comes with the fight, with Gil essentially being bullet proof there at the end. Blasters hit him, bullets pierced his armor, but there never seemed to be any lasting damage done to a character who doesn't have regeneration or especially high def. In fact, Gil has a Def of 1. It shouldn't have been an issue of piercing his armor in that case but rather discovering that the armor he wore wasn't any better than normal clothes thanks to Omnibalance. This hurt the immersion of what I believe was the climax of the thread. With his Tec of 5 I believe you could have just had the flying swords disarm them and had this all be a lot more believable.
Otherwise, descriptions were spot on, Gilgamesh was as arrogant and as in character as he should be. Eudocia, while a bit servile at first, seems like the kind of dependent personality that would have fallen into that anyways and your interactions are beautifully done.
Between the Velvet Lies:
As the joke has already been made I wont say this was perfect.
In my opinion my first post could have been done a lot better. I felt jarred going back and reading it, seeing how quickly things were resolved at the pace it was going through. How Dio resolved it with a threat and a demonstration of force without ever having to really work for it himself is a flaw that I sincerely wish we had the edit button around to let me fix.
The thread from there progresses well in what I hope is a form of comedic drama / action that takes away a bit from the horrible nature of The Undead faction itself. When creating the secondaries I was attempting to establish a kind of dichotomy between their perceptions and their jobs. A kawaii maid that is a dried out corpse underneath her bandages, a Gourmet Chef who can't taste most of her dishes but manages to make good food anyways, and a terrifying Skeletal Head Butler. This was my attempt to make the secondaries interesting and identify The Manor Owner's habit of picking up oddities to entertain him.
As the thread rolls on and the primes show up I believe Dio initially handles things well, his ability to work with the nobility of The English in his own world giving him the experience he needs to lie to and manipulate the primes of this world. I especially loved the touch where he manages to use the fact that the undead faction in The Pale Moors has always been oppressed to play down the requirements for drinking blood and dining on the flesh of the living to actually make a prime feel bad.
And then there was the Inlumia problem. Honestly, I feel this was as much my problem as it was his. I hate using Primes to handle issues but when one of the two people Dio couldn't handle showed up I didn't have a choice, Dio's vulnerable to mental powers in the first place, so getting past him was easy for Inlumia after that was resolved though in as tidy a manner as I could mange I like to think that Dio was able to go out of his way to make the event a pleasant and memorable experience for all involved.
Cinnabon Isle Arc:
First, I need to say how perfectly you capture the essence of Monkey D. Luffy. If I'm the perfect character / player match for Dio, then you are the perfect match for the King of Pirates. I honestly have no idea how you could play the character any better. With that said though, let's move on to the plot.
Sometimes while reading through your posts Luffy I felt a little confused as to who was speaking at a given moment, there always seemed to be a good distinction in the text but ultimately it felt really blocky because there was no separation of action and speech. This is fine in a novel, but from a general readability standpoint I'd recommend assigning colors to your NPCs speech in order to break up what can feel like walls of text.
As for the rest of the story, if anything I could say that it was almost TOO comedic. It felt like it was a fun adventure sure, but even when there was peril it never felt like there was real danger being encountered. This is further reinforced by the immediate resolution of the conflict by Slowking.
However with the thread just coming up on it's biggest battle that may change; with that said though.
I know it can be difficult to try to be serious with Pokemon, One Piece, and Jak and Daxter though so believe me when I say that this isn't honestly a very big issue. These characters come from the kind of universe where losing a fight simply has you faint.
Thus, it seems almost appropriate that things are so light and cheery in this. It simply wouldn't fit any of the characters involved if this were a really dark and serious thread. I feel you capture the energy and intent of these characters really well, and I look forward to seeing more out of you.
The Emperor's Jubilee: I hope you will forgive me for saving this for the next Book Club, but I've already done quite a bit of additional reading and review today.
Monster Meets King: Eudocia and Gilgamesh both wrote really well in this. I can see a strong synergy between the characters that plays out really well. In fact, if anything, I'd say that the synergies between them being too strong off the bat was the biggest weakness in this thread. From the very first moment they spoke I felt like they had already known each other for a bit. As the thread goes on though, this issue disappears and it becomes clearer and clearer why the two would chose to work together. Overall, the thread is an excellent organic way to have two characters meet and establish the origins of a kingdom.
The other issue I had is that Gil somehow managed to use King as much as I use Dio, and we both know that's a problem.
The final issue I had with the post comes with the fight, with Gil essentially being bullet proof there at the end. Blasters hit him, bullets pierced his armor, but there never seemed to be any lasting damage done to a character who doesn't have regeneration or especially high def. In fact, Gil has a Def of 1. It shouldn't have been an issue of piercing his armor in that case but rather discovering that the armor he wore wasn't any better than normal clothes thanks to Omnibalance. This hurt the immersion of what I believe was the climax of the thread. With his Tec of 5 I believe you could have just had the flying swords disarm them and had this all be a lot more believable.
Otherwise, descriptions were spot on, Gilgamesh was as arrogant and as in character as he should be. Eudocia, while a bit servile at first, seems like the kind of dependent personality that would have fallen into that anyways and your interactions are beautifully done.
Between the Velvet Lies:
As the joke has already been made I wont say this was perfect.
In my opinion my first post could have been done a lot better. I felt jarred going back and reading it, seeing how quickly things were resolved at the pace it was going through. How Dio resolved it with a threat and a demonstration of force without ever having to really work for it himself is a flaw that I sincerely wish we had the edit button around to let me fix.
The thread from there progresses well in what I hope is a form of comedic drama / action that takes away a bit from the horrible nature of The Undead faction itself. When creating the secondaries I was attempting to establish a kind of dichotomy between their perceptions and their jobs. A kawaii maid that is a dried out corpse underneath her bandages, a Gourmet Chef who can't taste most of her dishes but manages to make good food anyways, and a terrifying Skeletal Head Butler. This was my attempt to make the secondaries interesting and identify The Manor Owner's habit of picking up oddities to entertain him.
As the thread rolls on and the primes show up I believe Dio initially handles things well, his ability to work with the nobility of The English in his own world giving him the experience he needs to lie to and manipulate the primes of this world. I especially loved the touch where he manages to use the fact that the undead faction in The Pale Moors has always been oppressed to play down the requirements for drinking blood and dining on the flesh of the living to actually make a prime feel bad.
And then there was the Inlumia problem. Honestly, I feel this was as much my problem as it was his. I hate using Primes to handle issues but when one of the two people Dio couldn't handle showed up I didn't have a choice, Dio's vulnerable to mental powers in the first place, so getting past him was easy for Inlumia after that was resolved though in as tidy a manner as I could mange I like to think that Dio was able to go out of his way to make the event a pleasant and memorable experience for all involved.
Cinnabon Isle Arc:
First, I need to say how perfectly you capture the essence of Monkey D. Luffy. If I'm the perfect character / player match for Dio, then you are the perfect match for the King of Pirates. I honestly have no idea how you could play the character any better. With that said though, let's move on to the plot.
Sometimes while reading through your posts Luffy I felt a little confused as to who was speaking at a given moment, there always seemed to be a good distinction in the text but ultimately it felt really blocky because there was no separation of action and speech. This is fine in a novel, but from a general readability standpoint I'd recommend assigning colors to your NPCs speech in order to break up what can feel like walls of text.
As for the rest of the story, if anything I could say that it was almost TOO comedic. It felt like it was a fun adventure sure, but even when there was peril it never felt like there was real danger being encountered. This is further reinforced by the immediate resolution of the conflict by Slowking.
However with the thread just coming up on it's biggest battle that may change; with that said though.
I know it can be difficult to try to be serious with Pokemon, One Piece, and Jak and Daxter though so believe me when I say that this isn't honestly a very big issue. These characters come from the kind of universe where losing a fight simply has you faint.
Thus, it seems almost appropriate that things are so light and cheery in this. It simply wouldn't fit any of the characters involved if this were a really dark and serious thread. I feel you capture the energy and intent of these characters really well, and I look forward to seeing more out of you.
The Emperor's Jubilee: I hope you will forgive me for saving this for the next Book Club, but I've already done quite a bit of additional reading and review today.