Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[Luci]

BETWEEN WALLS OF STEEL|

Group Storyline

Participants: Dust, Centurion, Moon Knight, Angel Fisher, Koal, The Vision, Marcus Wright, Homin Ratione

Total Words:
Dust- 7,592
Centurion- 12,801
Moon Knight- 6,450
Angel Fisher- 1,487
Koal- 2,097
The Vision- 1,527
Marcus Wright- 3,659
Homin Ratione- 1,061

Total Characters (Spaces Included)
Dust- 41,213
Centurion- 73,130
Moon Knight- 35,350
Angel Fisher- 7,975
Koal- 11,540
The Vision- 8,961
Marcus Wright- 17,058
Homin Ratione- 6,136

I award the Participation Bonus to all participants.
I award this thread the GREAT bonus to all eligible participants.

Dust OM Earned - 884.26
Centurion OM Earned - 1462.6
Moon Knight OM Earned - 707
Angel Fisher OM Earned - 79.75
Koal OM Earned - 115.40
The Vision OM Earned - 89.61
Marcus Wright OM Earned - 170.58
Homin Ratione OM Earned - 61.36


First off, quick shout out to those who did not hit the 4k mark to be considered for a bonus. You all made the thread extra awesome in your own way. Super special shout out to Marcus Wright, who almost hit 4k. Unfortunately I cannot award a bonus to a thread you have written less than 4k words, but I did review your posts.

Overall: What a dope thread. You guys really did something special here. The way that you all worked together to tell this story so well, effortlessly juggling characters and scenes, it was amazing. Clearly there was a great deal of love and tender care for this thread. It was gritty, realistic, yet still kept the super-hero type aesthetics we’ve come to expect from the avengers. Your intake, your time served, your release were all realistic. You guys took what is normally a very ‘boring’ setting and made it pop. Congratulations.

A tip regarding the overall thread; gosh that sure was a lot of torture. Perhaps next time, a liiiittle less torture.


Marcus Wright - This was Marcus’ best thread that I have seen. Marcus and Blair were in their element, a hostile prison with plenty of time for gritty character reflection and development. He makes his role as the Toughest Avenger come through loud and clear. Marcus is awesome, not because he can punch stuff good, but because of his deep character and relationships. Even during the fight, you made the story more about character development than action. Truly Marcus’s story is not of a robot who joined a superhero team, it is the story of a man struggling to do right by the world, and that’s pretty cool.

Centurion: You poured your heart into this thread, shaping much of the plot, but much more importantly shaping Cade. This thread was infinitely more interesting to me than getting to know cade from his fight thread, although post #10 was badass through and through, likewise the fight with the darktrooper. You didn’t make his character development the focus, but we learned so much about him just through his actions and his reactions. While I miss the star-spangled boy scout, Cade is an infinitely more interesting character, and I like to read about him. Even his flashback was dope, and I hate flashbacks. You handled both the PCs and NPCs well.

My best advice is to be more proactive with your character. Currently he acts more reactive than proactive to his situation, which is fair because he was literally in jail.

I have to mention the colored text however. The REAL issue I have with colored text, beyond it being hard for me to read orange font over a soft white background, is that it is an actual literary crutch. It might not matter in comic books where characters have speech bubbles, but it matters in writing. If you use color to distinguish your character’s dialogue, which you did, to me it’s a crutch. Because if you took out the color it wouldn’t read correctly. Use qualifiers like ‘cade said.’ because it really is a necessary part of grammar. If you did that as well as the colored text, it wouldn’t matter so much to me.


Dust: Beautiful. Dust made this thread so ‘pretty’. Not aesthetically, but rather brought everything to life with such poetic descriptions. Everything flowed so well, it was really written beautifully. Dust’s flirtations with Angel were so engaging, and followed the rule of ‘show don’t tell’ when it comes to describing characters. His interrogation was the perfect way to get a reader caught up on his plot, and bonus points for acknowledging DA as an important IC event. Really though, your rich descriptions and character interactions were the most interesting part of your contribution to the thread.

I don’t really have any tips for you, other than I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes which can be a bit distracting.



Moon Knight - Great job herding this cats into a comprehensive and interesting story. Nobody was able to juggle characters and progress the plot as well as you did, and you acted as a kind of DM for the whole thread. Through this all, you managed to show MK as the gritty jaded hero he is. A little Batman, a little Rorshark, but instilled with that shining Marvel spirit that makes him a character we can actually root for. I like his first and last posts the best, and his fight scene was good but not where you shined the most. You shined mostly through plot advancement and inner character reflection.

We also got a lot of flashbacks from MK, which I don’t really like usually. You made them work, and we got to learn more of MK, and I think it was important for the Avengers to share their backstories in this thread, but I think you went a little heavy on yours.


Reflections on the Thread - It was awesome to see you guys all come together to create this. I think it showed a lot of patience on all of your parts to write this, but I think it will very much pay off as your writing team becomes closer for it, and gets to understand each other’s characters on a deeper level.

KEEP IT UP!

EDIT: reVision