06-25-2018, 01:25 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2018, 01:44 PM by PepsiWhirda.)
“Ms. Windstrom?”
Whirda marveled at the tiny metal device she held in her hand, from which the cool voice of the PepsiCo marketing director emerged. At her side, Yuuka, familiar with the device which she had called a ‘cell phone,’ wore a broad grin as she watched Whirda’s wide-eyed expression.
The last hour had been a whirlwind of frustrating and unfamiliar terminology. Just when she figured out what a ‘marketing director’ was, they produced a ‘cell phone.’ And soon after that, she was learning how to ‘dial’ and ‘turn on speaker phone,’ and being reminded to express admiration for the ‘PepsiCo brand’ and the cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi… a phrase she expected to hear a great deal in the coming months. How she longed for the simple days of slaying shades and tarrasques and drow in the Pale Moors, before her life had collapsed in on itself and led her down the path to… whatever this was.
“Ms. Windstrom?” the voice emerged again, patient yet insistent.
“Y-yes, greetings PepsiCo marketing director,” Whirda stammered. Yuuka stifled a laugh.
“A pleasure to meet you,” said the voice. “As I’m sure you know, PepsiCo is looking for a new brand ambassador following PepsiMan’s… unfortunate situation.”
Whirda glared at the phone, frustrated by the way the man danced around his meaning, presumably to maintain the civility of their conversation. Never one to mince words, she blurted, “Unfortunate situation? He took a gods-damned sword through the chest, PepsiCo marketing director.” The green-haired Youkai blanched, frantically motioning for Whirda to shut her mouth before she caused further damage.
To both their surprise, the voice inside the phone burst into laughter, the sound echoing off the walls of the small office. “Please,” the marketing director gasped, “call me Jim.”
“As you wish, Jim,” Whirda replied, frowning at the unusual naming conventions of the more civilized Verses.
“He sure did take a sword through the chest,” Jim continued when he had recovered from his laughter. “Great for ratings in the short term, but we’re gonna need a replacement till he’s back on his feet.”
“And that’s where we come in?” Yuuka piped up, leaning in closer to the phone.
“Ms. Kazami! I didn’t know you were on the call. Hell of a performance out there!”
“Thank you.”
Whirda took note of Yuuka’s respectful tone and the practiced ease with which she addressed the cell phone, and gingerly handed it over to the green-haired Youkai, backing off a step. She considered it best to leave the negotiating to her more experienced partner.
“Yes indeed, that’s where you come in, we hope!” Jim said. “Having two competing Primes wearing the Pepsi brand would give us a hell of a boost, I have to say. Most of you people are so serious, all blood and guts and no sense of ratings and profit.”
“Us people?” Whirda snapped. “What is that supposed to mean?” She reached for the cell phone, but Yuuka skipped back and silenced her with a glare, shaking her head vigorously.
Jim, for his part, seemed unperturbed by Whirda’s outburst. “A figure of speech, Ms. Windstrom, nothing more. I meant no offense.”
“None taken,” Yuuka said quickly. “Now, I imagine you must have some questions for us?” The Youkai swept a hand toward Whirda and then raised one finger to her lips, indicating she would do the talking. Whirda offered no objection.
“A few,” Jim said. “Between you and me, you’ve got the job. But I’ll have to run it by the CEO, and he’ll want to see that I’ve done my due diligence. So… what draws you to the PepsiCo brand?”
“The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi, of course,” Yuuka replied coolly. “There’s nothing better than a Pepsi after a bloody battle.”
Jim laughed again. “Hell of an answer. Just what we’ll want to see in front of the cameras. Do you have any notable talents?”
“You’ve seen the footage.”
“I guess you’re right. Any prior experience as brand ambassadors?”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
“Do either of you have a catchphrase?”
“I talk about flowers,” Yuuka said.
“Brooding silence, mostly,” Whirda added, trying and failing to inject some levity of her own.
“I see,” Jim said thoughtfully. “Well, between Syntech’s referral and this very… candid conversation, I’m pleased to say you’ve got the job! Let me just confirm it with the man upstairs, and we’ll get you two fitted for jumpsuits.”
“Jumpsuits?” Whirda echoed blankly. She looked worriedly to Yuuka.
Whirda marveled at the tiny metal device she held in her hand, from which the cool voice of the PepsiCo marketing director emerged. At her side, Yuuka, familiar with the device which she had called a ‘cell phone,’ wore a broad grin as she watched Whirda’s wide-eyed expression.
The last hour had been a whirlwind of frustrating and unfamiliar terminology. Just when she figured out what a ‘marketing director’ was, they produced a ‘cell phone.’ And soon after that, she was learning how to ‘dial’ and ‘turn on speaker phone,’ and being reminded to express admiration for the ‘PepsiCo brand’ and the cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi… a phrase she expected to hear a great deal in the coming months. How she longed for the simple days of slaying shades and tarrasques and drow in the Pale Moors, before her life had collapsed in on itself and led her down the path to… whatever this was.
“Ms. Windstrom?” the voice emerged again, patient yet insistent.
“Y-yes, greetings PepsiCo marketing director,” Whirda stammered. Yuuka stifled a laugh.
“A pleasure to meet you,” said the voice. “As I’m sure you know, PepsiCo is looking for a new brand ambassador following PepsiMan’s… unfortunate situation.”
Whirda glared at the phone, frustrated by the way the man danced around his meaning, presumably to maintain the civility of their conversation. Never one to mince words, she blurted, “Unfortunate situation? He took a gods-damned sword through the chest, PepsiCo marketing director.” The green-haired Youkai blanched, frantically motioning for Whirda to shut her mouth before she caused further damage.
To both their surprise, the voice inside the phone burst into laughter, the sound echoing off the walls of the small office. “Please,” the marketing director gasped, “call me Jim.”
“As you wish, Jim,” Whirda replied, frowning at the unusual naming conventions of the more civilized Verses.
“He sure did take a sword through the chest,” Jim continued when he had recovered from his laughter. “Great for ratings in the short term, but we’re gonna need a replacement till he’s back on his feet.”
“And that’s where we come in?” Yuuka piped up, leaning in closer to the phone.
“Ms. Kazami! I didn’t know you were on the call. Hell of a performance out there!”
“Thank you.”
Whirda took note of Yuuka’s respectful tone and the practiced ease with which she addressed the cell phone, and gingerly handed it over to the green-haired Youkai, backing off a step. She considered it best to leave the negotiating to her more experienced partner.
“Yes indeed, that’s where you come in, we hope!” Jim said. “Having two competing Primes wearing the Pepsi brand would give us a hell of a boost, I have to say. Most of you people are so serious, all blood and guts and no sense of ratings and profit.”
“Us people?” Whirda snapped. “What is that supposed to mean?” She reached for the cell phone, but Yuuka skipped back and silenced her with a glare, shaking her head vigorously.
Jim, for his part, seemed unperturbed by Whirda’s outburst. “A figure of speech, Ms. Windstrom, nothing more. I meant no offense.”
“None taken,” Yuuka said quickly. “Now, I imagine you must have some questions for us?” The Youkai swept a hand toward Whirda and then raised one finger to her lips, indicating she would do the talking. Whirda offered no objection.
“A few,” Jim said. “Between you and me, you’ve got the job. But I’ll have to run it by the CEO, and he’ll want to see that I’ve done my due diligence. So… what draws you to the PepsiCo brand?”
“The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi, of course,” Yuuka replied coolly. “There’s nothing better than a Pepsi after a bloody battle.”
Jim laughed again. “Hell of an answer. Just what we’ll want to see in front of the cameras. Do you have any notable talents?”
“You’ve seen the footage.”
“I guess you’re right. Any prior experience as brand ambassadors?”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
“Do either of you have a catchphrase?”
“I talk about flowers,” Yuuka said.
“Brooding silence, mostly,” Whirda added, trying and failing to inject some levity of her own.
“I see,” Jim said thoughtfully. “Well, between Syntech’s referral and this very… candid conversation, I’m pleased to say you’ve got the job! Let me just confirm it with the man upstairs, and we’ll get you two fitted for jumpsuits.”
“Jumpsuits?” Whirda echoed blankly. She looked worriedly to Yuuka.
![[Image: drink-pepsi-cola.jpg]](https://lph5i1b6c053kq7us26bdk75-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/drink-pepsi-cola.jpg)