Score Cards

[Karl Jak]

Fight #2 Sasuke/Serraph vs Ahana/Eternity Larva

[spoiler]
Sasuke
Clarity/Description – 3 / 4
Voice – 3 / 3
Characterization – 2.5 / 3
Story – 4 / 3
Technical – 3 / 3
Overall Average = 3.1
Notes -> I couldn’t decide which of your posts I wound up liking more. The second one had more meat in it, but the first one felt a little more cohesive. One thing I can point out, is that you replicate the same sentence structure enough that I started catching it. (unrelated to score but do you always asterisk your curse words?)

Serraph
Clarity/Description – 3 / 3
Voice – 2 / 3
Characterization – 2 / 3
Story – 2 / 3
Technical – 2 / 3
Overall Average = 2.5
Notes -> I felt like there was a big lost opportunity on the whole Serraph being burnt to a crisp thing. The initial scale of the violence mortified me, but beyond that, it didn’t quite feel like there was anything beyond people talking about how crispy or burnt he was. Seemed weird. Great description on the violence though.

Ahana
Clarity/Description – 2 / 3
Voice – 3 / 3
Characterization – 2 / 4
Story – 2 / 3
Technical – 3 / 3
Overall Average = 2.8
Notes -> It took me until your second post to really get into your character, but I was hooked by that point. Solid use of first person.

Eternity Larva
Clarity/Description – 2 / 4
Voice – 2 / 3
Characterization – 2 / 2
Story – 2 / 3
Technical – 3 / 4
Overall Average = 2.7
Notes -> Wasn’t blown away by the first post. Solid but nothing over-the-top. Your second post was likely one of the best posts in this fight. I usually cringe when I see people using excessive formatting, but I think – in this context – it worked for you. Weird, comic-book-y whambam. I hope to get a better feel for your character in your follow up match.[/spoiler]