Describe your characters like someone you're dating

[Demetri Malius]

For the meme:

Demetri: He stole my heart, my innocence, and then my wallet and keys. Never saw him again. Pretty sure he has my social security and my bank pin.

Dave: We dated for a while ironically until we figured out we actually kinda liked each other. Then within the irony, we broke up soon after we realized we didn't know how to handle these feelings.

Crash Bandicoot(ex): He took me on a date and got me an unwrapped gift. It was a box full of strange fruit. After he gave a few whacked out faces I figured I shouldn't date crack addicts.

Ryner Lute(ex): Everything was going fine until he tried to fingerbang me and I ended up in the hospital with a concussion.

A little more detail

Demetri:
[spoiler]
This guy is hard to get to know at first, but he can be a real sweetheart when you get to know him. He is full of suprises and gifts, even if they are stolen. At least he has me in mind. He likes to show off a bit and often is playful with mind games, testing my wits and giving me riddles. Other than that he is fine keeping to himself and having me around, even if we aren't doing anything directly together. We're hoping to heist a diamond for our wedding ring soon.
[/spoiler]

Dave:
[spoiler]
Dave is everything you think a cool guy would be until you get to know him. He's pretty down to earth and willing to talk about more in depth things than memes and rhymes. He is secretly a huge geek and hides it behind his shades of coolness. He doesnt exactly know how to portray his feelings or handle them, which can be cute at times but a little help makes it easier for him to be sentimental. He got me a matching pair of shades last week.
[/spoiler]