06-18-2018, 04:52 PM
Sammy your posts are always good so thus I have no usefull comments to help you out with further storylines. However I can tell you what I think you did well.
You have a knack for memorable characters in your storyline. Everyone has a personality and makes an imprint. The captain in your story wasn't in it for long, however, he made a major contribution which enhanced the story greatfully. Also you have a knack for describing scenes. I know for a lot of writers the mind fuck with Behemoth would have been a difficult task that didn't confuse the readers, however, your flow made it easy to read and easy to follow. The interactions with your characters always build upon their relationship and there is no wasted words. The comments always build either to the story element, personal relationships, or some other humorous commentary. Behemoth also proved to be an interesting antagonist to your story. He seemed multidimensional and at one point, he and your sister reminded me of Slade and Terra from Teen Titans. He has motivations and depth and character and isn't 'generic bad guy".
Also as an aside, I wouldn't even have imagined that this was a secondary. You write her so in depth that I would think that she would be one of your primes that you had commited to if I hadn't seen that it had been on the Gildarts account. Overall kickass and keep posting.
You have a knack for memorable characters in your storyline. Everyone has a personality and makes an imprint. The captain in your story wasn't in it for long, however, he made a major contribution which enhanced the story greatfully. Also you have a knack for describing scenes. I know for a lot of writers the mind fuck with Behemoth would have been a difficult task that didn't confuse the readers, however, your flow made it easy to read and easy to follow. The interactions with your characters always build upon their relationship and there is no wasted words. The comments always build either to the story element, personal relationships, or some other humorous commentary. Behemoth also proved to be an interesting antagonist to your story. He seemed multidimensional and at one point, he and your sister reminded me of Slade and Terra from Teen Titans. He has motivations and depth and character and isn't 'generic bad guy".
Also as an aside, I wouldn't even have imagined that this was a secondary. You write her so in depth that I would think that she would be one of your primes that you had commited to if I hadn't seen that it had been on the Gildarts account. Overall kickass and keep posting.