(06-17-2018, 12:08 AM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136214
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces [33,794CC]
Total word count [6,179WC]
I cannot award a bonus to this thread currently. Please edit your posts and remove any colored text, except for Tyson. Once you edit a post, it may dissapear for a short time while a mod reviews the edit. However, I will personally watch the mod queue for your edits and approve it quickly. Once you have changed the colors, please submit the thread here again and it will be eligible for a bonus
Unfortunately we don't allowed excessive colored text on the Omniverse, even though it can make a story more vibrant. It can be a hard habit to break, because the color text indicates who is speaking, so let me give you an example of what your post might look like without the colored text to differentiate speech. Usually, an author adds a line break any time a new character is speaking.
[spoiler]
But why now??? He can do that some other time it was time to explore again and find out what his skills we're capable of. Discovery a group of bandits outside near a campfire this was his chance to see if he was able to handle and entire group. He started leaving the barn and started towards the campfire as the bandits we're wondering who the hell this guy was. Tyson pour himself a cup of coffee while stealing a cup it was good something these humans created or something was pretty good.
"Hey Buddy??? Who the hell are ya? I'm never seen your kind before in these parts mister. You had your drink now scam before we have to deal with ya" said one of the bandits.
Tyson was smiling while finishing the coffee it was time to shine at that moment. Placing the cup down looking the bandits thinking it was time to make a evil name for himself. "I was in a good mood enjoying that good coffee." Tyson said. "But now we have a problem you're all still breathing and enjoying yourselves. Let's pave the way for silence and death"
With his abilities, Tyson started taking down the bandits using his quick speed and their own weapons to kill them. One of them pulled out a knife and quickly the demon grabs it and gutted him in the chest. The scary cat ran over the the wagon grabbing the rifle this was going to be good, Tyson was going to have fun with this. With his strength, He grabbed the rifle breaking it in half as the remaining members try ganging up on the demon which might have been an good idea.
[/spoiler]
However, there is a lot to like. Tyson is an engaging character, and so is Akasha. The plot is intriguing and many of the descriptions stand out. The dialogue especially shows that you have a poetic side, and some serious natural writing talent. You have a very cool story in your head, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
I noticed you said your grammar wasn't very advanced, but that's ok; not everyone has great grammar in the omniverse, but we would all love to see ourselves improve! Writing dialogue can be kind of tricky especially. I notice that your spelling is nearly perfect, which tells me that you are trying and that you care about the quality of your post. As long as I see you trying and improving, I'm not going to deduct any OM from your bonus.