Score Cards

[Karl Jak]

Fight #10 Cell/Ricter vs Ash/Jak
 
[spoiler]Cell:
Clarity/Description – 3 / 3
Voice – 3 / 3
Characterization –  3 / 3
Story – 2 / 2
Technical – 4 / 3
Notes:  Your first post is straight-up one of the best ‘tiny posts’ I’ve read in a long time and reminded me “oh yea, this guy is one of the best writers on the website, even if no one takes notice.” You might be able to experiment more with paragraph/sentence sizing as you continue.  Technicality aside, I think you’ll want to focus a little on Cell’s character.  The vibe I mostly got was “Villainous bad guy with some smark.”  There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think you’ll run afoul against some others who have conquered that trope (Zedd springs to mind).
 
Ricter
Clarity/Description – 2 / 1
Voice – 2 / 2
Characterization –  2 / 2
Story – 2 / 2
Technical – 1.5 / 1
Notes: I don’t want to sugar coat this, but you’d benefit from taking some time to edit your posts, especially for stuff like tense-switches.  Had you been paired with someone lesser than Cell, you would have shot yourself in the foot.  Try and learn from Cell.
 
Ash
Clarity/Description – 2 / 3
Voice – 3 / 2
Characterization – 3 / 3
Story – 3 / 2
Technical – 2 / 2
Notes: Ash is a layered character, but I felt like she spent a lot of your posts (particularly the first one) being a background character.  Which was weird, because your character has that aura that makes people latch on to her in their own writing (hence why most posts had at least one ‘Ash-ism’).  Unrelated but something that stuck out in my notes, but I thought it was weird that the narrator in your posts was calling Ash an ogre, which was the term that Cell used for her because that was his analogue from his setting.
 
Jak
Clarity/Description – 2 /2
Voice – 2 / 3
Characterization – 2 / 2.5
Story – 2 / 2
Technical – 1.5 / 2
Notes:  A fan of your second post.  The interplay between Light and Dark Jak makes for an interesting narrative spin for Jak in your second post and as you move forward, especially in light of this outcome.  Will this help give Jak clarity of simply make him spin further into rage and frustration?  Take just a little more time to glance over your posts, because you had a couple of errors that ‘stood out’ to me as I read (Technical)[/spoiler]