Omniverse News Network - Live Broadcasts

[Proto Man]

“Hello, Omniverse, I’m Ron Burgundy with your evening news.”

Ron smiled at the camera as his eyes verified that the correct image was on the green screen behind him.

“All eyes are on the Pale Moors, Omniversians, where there has been the biggest ‘natural’ influx of primes since the founding of Silent Hill. The primes there seem to be split between the two rival camps vying for influence in the area—the former Kingdom daughter-city of Darkshire and Count Dracula’s growing army of monsters and demons. Only time will tell if these primes have any lasting impact on the region, which has become increasing unstable over the last few years.

“In other news, the Endless Dunes continues to attract would-be warlords and leaders. I’m not completely sure why, because I never once had the desire to visit New Mexico back home. But since this is the Omniverse, I can never be too sure what motivates anyone.”

Ron grinned and took a swig from the scotch in front of him. He glanced up to see that the graphic had already been updated.

“Now onto our special news… We received, of all things, a tape tonight.” There was a slight pause as someone off-camera slid the piece of technology down Ron’s desk and into frame. Without skipping a beat, the anchorman scooped it up to display it to the viewing audience. “Just after a morning board meeting, we had one of those little ‘time-space’ tears open up and drop this U-Matic cassette down onto the boardroom desk with a note that read ‘Because I imagine this is familiar to you’.

“Well if you’re out there watching, yes, I am, and thank you for the bottle of scotch that you sent along with it.” With a smile, Ron handed off the 8-track to one of the tech people. “If you have no idea what a U-matic is, I recommend you go Google it. But since this is the pseudo-future, we had the data extracted from the tape and converted to a digital medium. It’s not a very long video segment, so we here at ONN will play for you, our loyal viewers, the entire video.”

There was a flash of static as the camera feed switched over from Ron to the recording from the U-matic.

After a brief pause, an island comes into view. It is pristine, with verdant fields bordering a calm, blue ocean. An almost picture-perfect mountain juts up from a forest. A little village can be spotted slightly up the mountain, and a small yet urban city rests near the seashore.

The view changes to show the back of a scrawny man in a suit. Next to him on an end table is a half-empty glass of wine. “Hello, everyone. It’s my pleasure to meet you.” He says without turning to the camera. “I’ve been working very hard since I found this place to create the perfect place to host what will be the greatest event that this strange little world has seen.” The man turned around and smiled. His face was clean-shaven and by for all intents and purposes, he would have been considered handsome.

“Many primes have spent years wondering why they were chosen by Omni. I don’t need to wonder. He chose me because I’m the best at what I do, and that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is entertainment. Consider this a message to every single prime in the Omniverse… You won’t want to pass on the opportunity I have for you.” The man reached into his expensive suit and pulled out a shimmering, rainbow-colored ingot. “Yes, this is a brick of pure omnilium. It’s the very same stuff that makes this world move ‘round, and I assure you that I have much, much more.”

With a laugh, he dropped the brick next to his wine glass.

“My name is Karl Jak, and I look forward to our next little chat.”

The video faded to static, and a moment later, the feed switched back over to Ron, who smiled to the camera. “Needless to say, Omniversians, we here at ONN will be doing all we can to learn more about Mr. Jak. All we know so far is that he dresses very well and has a wonderful taste in scotch,” Ron chuckled and slid away the papers in front of him. “That’s all we have time for tonight. From all of us here at the Omniverse News Network, I’m Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, Omniverse.”