Not THE Beginning, but A Beginning

[Handsome Jack]

After the pitch darkness of the void, the brilliant alabaster of the Nexus was blinding, and the contrast forced Jack’s eyes shut. His mind raced to make sense of the situation. Just what the hell had happened to him? Who the hell was that white kid? And where the hell was he now? These were the foremost of the many questions Jack had about what was going on. All together it was a bit much to process, especially in his dazed state, so the Hyperion President set himself to the task of answering them one at a time: a far more manageable feat.

Ok, so what had happened? That’s easy enough: he had died. After the Warrior has fallen, Jack’s HUD had been damaged by the wave of energy the Vault had released. That meant no New-U revival for him, and a bullet to the head ain’t just something you walk off. Yep. Definitely dead. Alright, onto the next one.

Who was this Omni guy? Well, taken into context with the fact Jack was dead, that was also a pretty easy question to answer. Omni equals God. Jack had to admit he hadn’t really expected God to be a prepubescent with a child-molester smile, but at the least that meant he had been right all along. Villains don’t go to heaven. They go straight to hell. Do not pass God, do not collect two hundred dollars. Right down the ol’ flame-tube to torture town.

All this meant Jack’s third question was also answered easily enough. Since this ain’t Pandora, or Hell, and he saw God, it must be Heaven. Fucking sweet. Of course, Kid-God said something about an Omnivese or some shit, but maybe that’s just the formal name or something. Jack squinted against the white, allowing his eyes to adjust, and visually confirmed his suspicions. White everywhere. Big ol’ fountain. Yep. Definitely Heaven.

Allowing his knees to fold, Jack fell into a seated position and looked up at the unchanging white slate of the sky. It felt real good to know that, for all his enemies’ bluster of him being a monster just for murdering a few dozen five-year olds, he was the Hero he’d always knew he was. For the first time in his life, he almost felt… at peace.

“Hey, man? Uh… Are you alright?”

A voice from his left broke Jack’s silent contemplation. Looking past his shoulder, the Handsomest Dude Ever saw a plain-clothed man with dark hair and beard, what looked like a shorter, paler (and somehow MORE bearded) woman, and their obviously inbred rapscallion of indeterminate gender. Behind them, a small cart, filled with various refuse they probably assumed were valuable, led by a definitely NOT diamond pony.

The sight was enough to shock Jack back to reality, and he leapt to his feet to put some distance between himself and the trio.

“No. NO! Nonononono! This… this can’t be right… I don’t believe it…” The Hero began to mutter to himself, a feeling of horror welling up in his breast. “I WON’T believe it. This… this isn’t Heaven at all! Poor people don’t go to Heaven! This is Hell! FUCK MY LIFE, THIS IS HELL!!!!”