Not THE Beginning, but A Beginning

[Handsome Jack]

So… you want to hear a story, eh? One about a strange new world, where anything your heart desires can be yours? Haha! Have I got a story for you! The Omn- *BLAM!!*


Hey! This is- dammit, I got blood on my suit…- This is MY story, pal! Ain’t no way I’m letting some greedy little bandit-lover do my intro, alright?! A-HEM! Let’s try that again, shall we? And this time, no first-person perspective. I hear people HATE that shit.


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The air shimmered with the warmth of Pandora’s lifeblood, glowing magma flowing past the small, basalt island like a river. Echoing from the cavernous walls of the Vault were the death cries of the ancient Eridium weapon known as the Warrior; a monster of such mythical strength that it’s practically a god. Or, rather, it WAS practically a god. Whether through luck or skill (or just sheer firepower), the beast had been felled through the efforts of a ragtag group calling themselves ‘the Resistance’.


As the echoes of the Warrior’s defeat faded and were drowned out by the bubbling magma all around him, Jack was crushed under the weight of his despair. All his carefully laid plans come to a bitter end, all his-


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Actually, you know what: How about we just skip this part, alright? Let’s just say I murdered that Resistance off real nice, all before that douchebag Omni dragged me off in the midst of my victory celebration. Definitely not while I was busy bleeding out and about to get shot in the head. Ok, pumpkin, let’s skip ahead.


Oh, and sorry for the first person. I know I said we weren’t gonna do that, but...


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The lights were dazzling as Jack stepped out onto the stage. A crowd of spectators deafened him with the volume of the cheering, and through the glare, the Handsome One could spot the benefactor of the event he’d just one, a Mr. Karl Jak, nodding his approval over a glass of red wine. It had been a long, and hard road, filled with many an exciting moment and close-call, but in the end, Handsome Jack had become the winner of Dante’s Abyss. He had surmounted every obstacle, beaten every foe, and backstabbed his own ally, to scratch his way to the top. In a way, it reminded him of his days as-


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Ok, I think we might’ve skipped a bit too far that time. Straight into “speculative future” territory. Dial it back a bit, pal. How about we start just after Omni’s crappy speech? Ok? Good. Here we go. For realsies this time.